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Kelz 
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Joined: 26 March 2007
Points: 203
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 Topic: Trials
Posted: 15 July 2010 at 3:16pm |
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Big 'ups' to those who, for whatever reason, are parenting alone!
Tell us what are the most difficult things about single parenting - also, are there any benefits? What are they?
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Shelt
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Joined: 17 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1181
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:48pm |
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Lol, one of the benefits is that you can do what you like (as much as you can with a child anyway)! You don't have to think about anyone other that you and your child. Plus G and I are really really close, probably much closer than we might have otherwise been, coz its just the two of us.
Difficult stuff - lonliness, the work seems never ending and there is no one to step in and help if you are having a bad day. There is no one to hand over to at the end of a long day plus you have to make all the decisions yourself. Everything is your responsibility.
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escadachic
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Joined: 15 May 2009
Location: Wainuiomata
Points: 3744
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:33pm |
I so agree with all that you said Shelt!
I'm not a single parent anymore. But I was for about 4 years with my oldest DD. She is now 7. I must say, it did seem easier when it was just her and I. I could give her all my attention and all of my love. Though I am guilty of spoiling her, before she even knew how to ask for things. It is hard when you get into a relationship when you've been a single parent for years. I think it's hard for your child too. I know my DD's behaviour has changed a lot due to the change of family dynamics and if I wasn't happy with my DP, I would be happy to do it solo. I find it hard when you have a new DP and you have a child together and you see the difference in love and attention from what they give their child, to what they give your child. I often get annoyed and very upset at how my DP has changed in the way he is towards my oldest DD. He tends to be grumpy at her a lot and treat her like an inconvenience  I know her behaviour is very difficult these days and she is harder to deal with for both of us. I get so annoyed that her Dad makes such little effort to see her. As she needs a relationship with him. As though he isn't around much, she loves him to bits! She may be difficult to deal with these days, but I know my single parenting has helped me to create a very loving and affectionate little girl. I find it's harder to cope now I have a relationship to maintain as well and a new baby to look after. I would go as far as saying, it is easier as a single parent.
But yes, as you said Shelt, the loneliness does suck!
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julz85
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Joined: 12 January 2009
Location: Christchurch
Points: 1176
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Posted: 20 July 2010 at 3:42pm |
as soon as i found out i was pregnant my partner at the time fled the scene so i went through my pregnancy and early months with a newborn as a solo mum , It was very hard and lonely at times but also had its benefits, like the others have said i didnt have to worry about anyone else , i could prepare dinner at midnight if i wanted , i was in no-ones timetables and as i also lived alone i didnt need to worry about waking anyone up in the night when Amelia would cry for hours on end with colic/reflux. The situation i was put in really made me appreciate my new partner when he came into my life when amelia was just 41/2months old . you really realise how nice it is to have someone around when you have been without it for a while . I also agree with your comment shelt about how close you are , Amelia and I formed an extremely close bond as for the first 4 1/2months she quite literally hardly saw anyone else at all and it was just me every second of every day , altho she is very close to my new partner she still has this amazingly close bond with me and i just love it .
Escadachick - i can relate to what you say about your partner and his bond with your first child . It is so hard forming attatchments to children that are a bit older . My partner is very good and very close with Amelia but i think that is mainly to do with the fact that she was so young when he met her , in her eyes he is the only father she has ever known , on the other hand my partner has a 5yr old daughter , we have her 5nights a fortnight , she is a great kid most of the time but i do sometimes find it hard because i know i will never form the same attatchments , she has a mum , a great mum who she loves to bits and i find it really hard knowing weather or not i should try and disipline her when she plays up or if i should say anything to DP about certain things he does that i dont agree with , in a way it feels like we make joint desicions on Amelia but he makes his own decisions when it comes to his daughter . it can get a bit tricky when you try to bring families together .
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julz85
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Joined: 12 January 2009
Location: Christchurch
Points: 1176
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Posted: 20 July 2010 at 3:47pm |
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BTW when i first joined OhBaby , when i had just found out i was pregnant i was looking for a solo parenting forrum and was suprised there wasnt one here , thanks for putting this up , i definatly would have benefited from it if it was here back then
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Tinkerbelle83
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Joined: 24 September 2009
Location: Wellington
Points: 384
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:04pm |
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Hi. I'm not a single parent but was just browsing :)
We have had 3 miscarriages and I desperately want a baby. My DH has a 5 year old and we have him 50% of the time. His Mum is great and he gets lots of love and attention from them both but I would just like to say that it is extremely hard for me to bond with stepson sometimes. When we do have a baby, I know that I will love them to bits and I just don't have that same bond with SS. It frustrates DH sometimes but he knows what it's like to have that bond and I don't :(
I guess I just wanted to speak from the other side and say that it is hard to parent a child that is not your own. You are important in their lives but not as much as their Mum and Dad.
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3 precious Angel babies - Oct 09, Feb 10, June 10
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Rachael21
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 4700
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Posted: 22 July 2010 at 6:46pm |
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For me the hardest part is being the one that has to make all the hard decisions. For example I really want to move out of my parents house but I've never lived by myself and I kinda keep wanting someone to come and do it all for me but I know I have to bite the bullet and just do it.
On the other hand it is cool to be able to make whatever decisions you want without having to answer to anyone lol. Being a single parent is a lot better than being in a relationship with a useless partner!
Thanks for your input tinkerbelle I often think how difficult it must be to be the step parent, you are kind of expected to do all the hard stuff but get none of acknowledgement.
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Trials
