To find out or not...

So we're still 2-3 weeks away from having the anatomy scan, but DH and I have very different feelings about finding out the sex!

With Nat, we both wanted to find out, and because I *needed* to be organised back then (ah, back in the days of feeling in control of my life ), I was completely happy to find out before the birth.

However, my approach to things has changed immensely since Nat arrived, and because this may well be our last child, I'm feeling much more zen-like about the whole thing, and feel like finding out the sex at the birth may be an extra reward after my hard work!

Having said all of this, I still respect what DH's wishes are, and if he's completely set on finding out, then I might just have to close my eyes and ears during the scan, and get him to shut his mouth for the remaining 4-5 months!

So..... what I really need are some convincing arguments either as a way of convincing DH not to find out (or alternatively for me to find out!) in particular for 2nd+ babies

so what were some great experiences you may have had either finding out before or after?

If your DH finds out , do you think he would be able to keep it a secret ? not just from you ,but from everyone cos its not really fair if the whole world knows what your baby is except you
So maybe tell him that , that he can find out IF, he can manage to keep it to himself and only himself until baby is born .


Im probably no help, I always find out (if baby cooperates ) and I love knowing , nor is the moment of birth any less special cos I know, and DH loves knowing too so even if I did think I want a surprise he would veto it , and I would give in easily

DP didn't want to find out. So we didn't but everyone thought I was having a girl I thought I would have a boy just because everyone said we were having a girl. We had a girl
As my cousin said to me much like what Linzy said

There are very few surprises left in this world and this is one of them. At the end of the day you will be happy regardless of what you have as they are the most important thing in the world to you regardless and you will be filled with love for them.

Thanks ladies I think part of it is that I'm completely happy with either a boy or girl, (sounds terrible, but we always wanted a girl, so now that we have Nat, I really would love either this time!)

Not sure about DH - he's generally very good at keeping things to himself, but I think it would come down to whether or not he slips up accidentally! I figure I've still got a couple weeks to convince him - I do like the argument that I'm doing all the work so should decide but at the end of the day, we're both rather stubborn, so I really don't know how it's going to go down!

I guess I feel like we've done the finding out beforehand thing, and while that was great at the time, I really would like that magical surprise of finding out after too. and as I said, I'm so much more laid back about everything compared to last time.... it just feels right to do it this way.

Now to just convince DH

If you still can't decide by the time the scan comes around you could do what my SIL did and have the sonographer write it down and seal it in an envelope to take home - then you can choose to look in it or not as the weeks go on!

I didn't find out and loved the surprise at the end. This time, for practical reasons I am thinking it might be easier to know.... but I think DH doesn't! We still have AGES to decide though!

With Lily DP wanted a surprise but I knew I wouldn't be able to last 9 months and if I found out but he didn't I know I would probably have blurted it out! Anyway we came to a compromise of if baby showed us and the sonographer could tell then we'd find out but if not then it would remain a surprise!

Luckily for me DD showed us! It had it's added bonus that DP had wanted a boy so being a girl and knowing gave him time to adjust which took about an hour.

Next time I want a surprise but DP has said no because he wanted a surprise last time... *sigh* but we'll probably do the same thing next time too!

We found out with our first 2, couldn't wait to know and I felt it would help me bond more with them if I were able to think of them as a little boy or girl.
This time round I was like you, very happy to wait and not hoping for either gender over the other.
DH really wanted to know though and I didn't feel that strongly about having a surprise so I felt it was fairer oblige him. Also, finding out meant I could shop gender specifically as we hadn't kept any of our baby stuff from our older children!

I think if we had both felt really strongly about our positions we might have just had to flip a coin or something as I don't think either one of us would be able to keep it to ourselves (either by accident or through excitement).

Good luck with the decision making!

Oh, another argument I just thought of against one knowing and the other not was that when it comes to discussions about names etc, it would be really tricky to keep it a secret when you know that there's not a chance that all the wonderful names your partner suggests like Murtle, Shaniquewa or Grapefruit will actually be used!

HoneybunsMa wrote: DP didn't want to find out. So we didn't but everyone thought I was having a girl I thought I would have a boy just because everyone said we were having a girl. We had a girl As my cousin said to me much like what Linzy said There are very few surprises left in this world and this is one of them. At the end of the day you will be happy regardless of what you have as they are the most important thing in the world to you regardless and you will be filled with love for them.

No offence,but it makes me laugh when people say this .
No,I was not surprised at either of my babies gender when they were born ,but it was still special,and what they looked like, how much they weighed etc , was still a surprise

Sabrina dp called DD a boy from the moment I was pregnant but I had a feeling form the start she was a girl, plus my grandma who often has 'dreams' of things before they happen told me she had a dream of me sitting on the steps with a mini me crawling around (mini me because it was a baby that looked like me but all in pink) anyway the following week I found out I was UTD!

But DP said she wouldn't be a boy, so he was a little pissy after wards but soon got over it! So was good for him to find out I think...