Isolated

My little boy is 2yo nearly 3yo and I'm in this really weird phase in my life and wondered if others who have been here might offer some advice or opinions on how they dealt with it?

When I had a new baby I had postnatal depression so I found that I didn't take to mothers groups very well. And most of you will know that when you have a baby it's much harder to spend time with your friends that don't have kids. I've started working part-time (but it's a managerial role where I work on my own) and studying part-time but I think it's the nature of being in Auckland I find that people are so busy that they don't have time to make new friends. Especially in the type of Uni course I'm doing where people are working full-time and studying part-time.

So my little boy goes to a childcare centre which he loves. But I find I'm not in the "working mother" camp and neither am I in the "stay-at-home mother" camp (ie. he's in childcare 5 days a week so I don't attend any mothers groups/coffee groups or playgroups).

All this to say that I find myself pretty isolated and without friends at this stage in my life and it's really lonely! Any suggestions?

Do you have hobbies?
I live in Akl we moved back here before DD was born and I've found there is a group/activity for anything and everything you could be interested in.

As there are so many people who aren't from here I've found people to be friendly and had no trouble finding someone keen to meet up for a coffee.

I have joined Playcentre as an outlet for me to be involved in something as I found playgroups boring for me.

were are you i am in the same boat i have a few friends but still get loney

Ditto the hobbies idea (evening class of some sort/bootcamp/running group?), or maybe kids activities in the weekend in your local area. Then if you meet someone you like and chat to them a few times you can ask them for a playdate/coffee another time.

I think it's a bit like asking someone out, you think 'oh no they probably won't be keen etc etc', but you don't know if you don't try. I have made some quite good friends through things like that. I find that a lot of people don't ask or take the next step but are almost always receptive to being asked. After a few times you get a sense of whether you will be good friends.

The hard thing is that sometimes you then realise that you don't really click and have to let things peter out!

What are you into and where do you live?

I'm in a similar position in that I work part time so I'm not really in the SAHM boat but I'm not really one of the full time working career mums either. Sometimes its the worst of both worlds, but I try to think of it as the best of both worlds (ie I get some money but still see the kids some week days). So I spend my days off catching up with friends I have that are off work/sahm's. Could you possibly have one day off a week or half a day that you could take your son out of childcare to do some activities with him?

I have drifted away from alot of my pre-kids friends who haven't had kids, or are just having babies now (my kids turned 5 and 3 last week). But we are reconnecting now that some of them are having babies and "get it". I've also been luck that my sis had kids around the same time, so I've seen alot more of her while we were both off work. Most of the people I've met since having the kids have been through coffee group (my antenatal class), online baby groups (oh Baby!), the kids friends at daycare (through b'day parties) and playcentre (more like acquaintances but if I had more time I might have pursued friendships).

I think your best bet may be to join something on sat (kids sport, playgroup for working mums who want to meet at weekend) or some sort of evening class/hobby or try to re-connect with old friends by inviting them over or meeting for coffee at the weekends. and having a few of his daycare friends to his 3rd b'day party if you're having one - you may meet a mum or two you connect with.

Not sure if that helps! Which part of west ak are you? Do you have a partner? (not being nosey just wondering if you're just lonely for more friends in a similar phase of life, or lonely because you don't have adult company in the evening, if that makes sense)

What about seeing if you could join an indoor netball team, it doesn't have to be focused around your kids for you to make friends.

Thanks for the advice - glad I'm not the only one!!

Yes absolutely maybe we should have a Westie meetup lol

To answer your question, I am a single mum and I juggle so many things it's hard to find time for a hobby or a sport, or interest. But I think I will give it a go. I moved to be closer to my mum so I could spend a few hours out once a week if I wanted to do something like that. I'm a bit chicken.. and it feels like such an effort and in the past I've found it a bit disappointing! But! You never know till you try I suppose. Auckland sometimes feels like such an overwhelming place and everyone so busy. And I'm from Auckland!!!

Thanks again