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 Topic: Sex Drive
Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:17am |
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Ok this is random
But im having some serious issues with my sex drive its non existant. I dont even look at my husband and go o0o0or theres just nothing!!!
Its really starting to wear thin on our marriage.
Any advice thats not, try spice things up etc coz u cant spice things up when there is nothing there.
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Jay_R
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:31am |
Jess, I went through the same thing when Joshie was younger. It's hard to feel 'in the mood' when you are totally exhausted all the time, and at the whim of your baby 24/7. I'm not sure what it was that made my libido return - may have been finishing b/feeding, but don't beat yourself up about it, it's totally normal. Can you talk to your hubby about it without getting upset? Mebbe he can start out really easy, like just giving you a neck rub one night, a foot rub the next and then just see what happens from there..... 
Good luck chickabee.
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caraMel
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:39am |
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Edited by caraMel
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:10am |
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Go out on a "date". Get someone to have Ella and then meet him at the place where the date is. Make it like a blind date if you want.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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aimeejoy
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:25am |
Are you on the pill Jess? Trying to remember if you are on other meds too? Anyway, I found that once I stopped taking the pill I wanted sex heaps more!
Also like someone else said it can sometimes be that you are ut f the habit and once you do it, you will want it more. Good luck, hopw someone has better advice than me 
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Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
Greer 11/02/08
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Paws
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:29am |
I've got pretty much zero interest as well, it is hard too when you've got a baby. B and I are really great at being able to talk about it though and we both know it will return...when we're not so knackered!!
I'm inclined to think communication is key. Also the idea of a date night is great! (can also incorporate that massage! )
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jax
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:39am |
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I agree with all the other ladies in that it's hard to feel like having sex when you're knackered from taking care of your little one, PLUS all the regular day to day stuff, BUT I will also add that it is a very common side effect of anti-depressant medication - which sucks the big one I know !!
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 11:17am |
And the injection. I have no sex drive at all. I'm just lucky that i don't have anyone to bug me about it! 
Maybe there is something herbal you could take???
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busymum
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:17pm |
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I agree with Mel. If you can try to prepare yourself for it, after Ella's in bed for the night go treat yourself to a bubble bath or something to give you a bit of space, and then try.
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lizzle
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:24pm |
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is that common on the injection Niki? Hmm, may explain a few things.
Leiws and I have been having....issues recently (none of which i will go into at present), but oine thing that is working for us, is the "date" thing. Every sunday night we do something together. so far, it's just been sitting on the couch and watching a movie together. It's connecting us as a couple more which is helping withe the sex thing....welll, not really my libido as such, but is helping me not feel so annoyed when he's bugging me. also gives us a chance to show we care, wihtout it having to be sexual.
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:48pm |
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Yep Liz... I think it is quite common, as with the pill (for some people anyway). I noticed a huge change when I was off all contraception.
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luna
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 1:31pm |
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Everyone's got great advice. I'd second it all - particularly the massaging!! And maybe if you are in bed, just trying cuddling for a while and see where that goes - if you fall asleep, no biggie, just try again another day.
The thing is (so everyone says) ...where your head is, other things will follow ...
If you're thinking/trying to spice things up at night, try another time of day. It may seem annoying to go back to bed on the w/end when you've got piles of washing and the house is a mess, but those things will still be there and you will be helping your marriage.
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busymum
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 1:45pm |
Liz it's sometimes hard to go out without the kids, arrange babysitting etc etc etc, so the movie idea is really great! Another thing we've done from time to time (particularly if we have an under-4mo-baby in the house) is a special supper. Wine if you like, with cheeseboard or nibbles or even a fondue. It doesn't cost a lot at all but it can be a really special time - "book" the night with DH!
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meow
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 2:38pm |
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I second what Liz said - make a date night. Tuesday is our night now and we try not to go out then.. we usually watch a movie & have a nice dessert or sometimes play a board game if we feel like it. Only prob now is we are running out of movies to watch lol! Just being together as a couple can make me feel attracted to him - depends on if I feel in the mood lol..
Just wanted to add though that it took AGES for me to feel like doing anything.. as in many months. I was too sore and then I didn't feel like it at all..but it did come back when Ella was older and sleeping longer!
Edited by meow
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 3:03pm |
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Oh man, I so went through this as well, and still have none!!! The only reason why I "gave in" and did "it" was because we wanted another baby! lol! I think its the tiredness, plus your priorities change, and I know when I go to bed, I am always "calculating" how many hours sleep I might get before jake wakes "if I get to sleep now!"... Now, I even hate cuddling in bed in case rod gets "the wrong idea..." lol! at least he has a (sort of) good humour about it. Talk about how you are feeling is a biggie. Men just don't understand how much things change for us after we have a baby, and I know it does cause big ructions in relationships. Big hugs, chick.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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jack_&_charli
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 4:30pm |
[QUOTE=jacobsmama] Oh man, I so went through this as well, and still have none!!! The only reason why I "gave in" and did "it" was because we wanted another baby! lol!
ditto!!! DH was most upset when we got preggy straight away as i lost interest in sex as soon as i got the BFP 
still don't have any interest, but hopefully it will return once charli is abit older and in her own room.
i don't have any advice to offer apart from what the other ladies have suggested, just wanted to let you know you certainly aren't alone!
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mum2paris
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 4:56pm |
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am/was the same, except around mid-cycle.. funny that, then things will pick up for some reason, but i would for awhile just loathe mike even coming near me.. you just start to resent and think they are only coming over to bug you and if you don't show affection to them they go away, sometimes just a hugs without strings-attached would be nice! I second what Mel said, the more you get back into it the better it gets... sometimes even just suggesting it to him before he goes to work that day, and by the end of the day you might have psyched yourself into it, you can plan something or whatever.
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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jax
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:17pm |
Ditto on the massaging... or not necessarily having SEX *ahem* Sorry folks... "it" at night, we find that mid afternoon works well for us... on the weekends at least ! We are going to have to implement the date thing again soon too, even if it is as meow does... sitting down and watching a DVD together, or having a special dinner.
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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busymum
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:23pm |
hehe jax... and then the kiddies get older and stay awake during the day
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jax
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Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:25pm |
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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Sex Drive
Oh well, will just have to figure out a new way around it