not wanting family members at birth...

My Mum asked to be present too and I didnt really give her an answer. I want it to be just me and DF as I think it is special time for him. I would love Mum to be outside the door though.

I've told everyone that I just want it to be myself and DP in the room when I have Sam, and my mum is totally respectful of that. I do want her close by though as I may change my mind at the last minute. DPs mother is not going to be told until after I have given birth as she is overbearing, dominant and stresses me out far too much. I didn't even let her know about my baby shower as she would have ruined it by saying something stupid or overstepping the mark with everything.

So yeah, I guess you just have to be firm about what you want.

I definitely don't want my mum in the room! But I want her to be there soon after.

Don't feel guilty, you are only wanting what will make you the most comfortable in labour!

When i had Bay my inlaws were great and respected our decision and turned up afterwards when DH rang them (actually they may have been waiting in the waiting room..i cant remember) but i got very angry with a nurse when i was being moved into my room and my FIL was so excited about seeing his first grandson and the damb nurse told him that i didnt want him in there because he was a man!!!! WTF i didnt say that at all!!! so when DH went to get him he came in a bit upset so we told the nurse to keep out of it!! then the same nurse growled FIL when he was standing outside the door with Bay (we had asked him to so i could swap beds and he was happy with that cos he had the baby with him ) she said that he should not be walking around with bubs!!!! GGGGGRRRRR that nurse pissed me off!!!! afterwards when im not so vulnerable im fine with visitors etc.

I think it's totally weird that you don't want your mum, and dad, and MIL and FIL, and grandma as well at the birth

Hehe joking!!

I didn't want anyone at any of my births except DH and me, and whichever meds need to be there. It's too stressful (for me) to have others around and my mum is far too opinionated to have her around when it comes to a big decision (like emergency c/s decision type thing). So having people there was an absolute NO for me, but I'm fortunate that no one tried to force their way on us. You're going to have to tell your mum upfront that you want only you and DH and Bailey there and you'll call her when you're ready for her to come up. If you're not living with her by the time baby is due, I wouldn't even tell her when you're in labour, just to be on the safe side. But this is something I'd be bringing up with my mw that if she does try to turn up, the mw already knows she is not invited and can help organise things for you. Stress during labour is not helpful!

Can I make a comment about Bailey's presence at the birth? I was 3yrs11mos when my brother was born, mum had a home birth and I was there. Mum tried to be organised - my grandma was there to look after my younger sister and I, so Dad could be free to look after mum. Even so, I kept going between where Mum and Grandma were to keep up with what was happening. I remember a terrible moment where Mum thought she needed to go toilet, followed by the mw yelling "I can see the baby's head" and the subsequent rush back to the bedroom. It freaked me out and Mum said I was really pale.
So I'd advise you be really organised. A support person solely for Bailey would help, as would things to keep him occupied. What would happen if something bad happened and you needed an emergency c/s or something? Hopefully that won't happen but a contingency plan would help you out on the day. If you need to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, are you going to wake him or get someone to look after him until the morning? And you'll need to explain soon before the event a rough idea of what's going to happen. It's not something I would personally do (especially after my experience and then having an emergency c/s for my 1st baby), but if you're going to, be prepared.

Woah! Novel over

at my daughters birth my mum wanted to be there but i said no ( as we have never been very close) and i felt more comfortable with less people around, however almost everyone missed it including my midwife it all happened so fast 3 of my friends almost saw the whole thing as they came back to retrieve a wallet they left in the room 30min earlier when we got back from lunch.

this time round i only want my partner as im alot more emotional this time around also. and my best friend whos a nurse at the local hospital has asked if she can be there if i have to have a c section as she would love to see it which would be a good thing as hubby isnt good with hospitals at the best of times.

but my mum will be looking after my daughter , that way i know she cant just show up

haha i have 3 friends localy who are nursing students also and have 2 friends and a physio friend who work at the hospital and another 4 friends who are nursing in different citys, just wait for the advise they all dish out
lol

Ha, baby on board, i had the same thing. we had our maternity placements planned for the time i was due to have ayja and if we could find someone willing we could follow their pregnancy and be at the birth as part of that.. man i had so many of my classmates asking me if i would mind. lol, well hhhm YES I DO!!. lol I had ayja in the 1 weeks break between different groups going in for their placements. he he, i was sneaky.

with having family there, i think it's totally your right to say NO! baysmum. and i know you don't want to offend your mum but she sounds like she works in the same way my mum does in that she knows you will feel guilty and she puts the guilts on you and she's knows that you wouldn't turn her away in the heat of the moment. None of our family knew each time until we had actually had baby, especially not mum with our first as he has a habit of "turning up" at the hospital. she couldn't do that 2nd time cos she had to look after Paris, ha ha.   I guess by living with her it would be hard to keep it from her. but still, sometimes, expecially at times like these. Mums need to realise it's soooo NOT all about them and what they want and what they need, and if she gets offended at you telling her NO, then she is not taking your best interests to heart. I learnt after going through hell and back after having Paris.. that guilt trips are no good.. i stopped responding to her childish tanty ways and she now knows that gets no-where with me.

as everyone has said it's totally your decision and I think you just have to be straight and firm with your mum about that.

I am an odd one out becuase I had my mother in law there and she totally rocked, I can't describe how grateful I was to have her with me and B all day. But she was also very respectful and I was the one who asked her, she very eargerly said yes but she hadn't been the one to broach it which I really appreciated.

Amber you're not being at all unreasonable!!  It's totally up to you who you want there. 

We learnt from Ella's birth that my parents won't be told the next one has arrived until after I'm in the ward and have had a chance to take a breath (they arrived in the delivery suite with my sis and bro - I was exhausted, suddenly a parent, wanted a moment with my husband and our baby, unshowered, still shaking and there was blood over me... they took photos and my sister played with the equipment! ).  Even if you don't think your mum will take you seriously, midwifes are well-practiced at turning away extras at the door - maybe letting your midwife know how you feel about it would ensure you don't have any extra's there?  Would have worked for me but dag nab it they all snuck in in the few minutes that my midwife had left to do the paperwork, and the student midwife hadn't been a part of those conversations beforehand.  Good luck - I hope you get only who you want there!!