I need some advice..

Hi girls..

I kinda need some advice..
How can i make my DF understand he needs to help me out some more? Or at least start?
I do so much and its killing me! I cant even get him to do his own washing!
Today i asked if he could walk out the back door and hang out 2 sheets.. (the first thing iv asked him to do in a long time) And they are still sitting in the washing basket.

I get up in the morning the same time as him and come home one hour earlier.. yeah his job is physical and mines not but is that really an excuse?

I feel so frustrated i just want to cry all the time, i just want him to help a little, my mum comes over once a week or fortnight and she does more than he does.

I clean everything everyday, i cook, do the washing, do the dishes even before i sit to eat. I clean the bathrooms when they need cleaning and i put out the rubbish and recycling, what does he do? He comes home, gets stoned and plays playstation all night!!

He has barely made an imput in babies stuff.. Hes always got something more inportant to put his money towards.. Hes bought a peice of clothing here and there but thats all..

Maybe im just being pregnant and having a winge but i feel like im doing this alone.

I think we had a discussion earlier on in the August thread about men!!!! and a few of the women with "noncooperative" men wrote how they were feeling down and left it for him to read. might be an idea

I think this is so unfair!! and you're not just feeling this way beacuse you're pregnant, he really should be doing more to help you.
my ex was like this when i was pregnant, granted he worked a very physical job and i didn't work but once mikey was born, nothing changed. i think i should have sat him down and had a talk with him about sharing the load because, not only did i do everything when mikey was born but he also missed out on bonding time because he didn't want to bath or change nappies or anything.

i agree with nzpiper, maybe you should write down how you're feeling and then go and stay with someone else for a week, just to make him sit up and take notice.

ETA: just read your other post. it really sounds like you two have some stuff you need to talk through, especially the jealousy and the getting stoned. maybe you could get someone impartial to mediate and make sure things don't get out of hand.

Edited by ellabellame

What century does he come from. As I said this is HIS baby so he has to deal with all the sh*t that comes with it. He cant pick and choose the bits he likes....he's gotta take the good with the bad and he needs to support you. Please dont fall into the trap of thinking because he is working and you are not (getting paid for it) that he has the upper hand. If you guys are going to make this work it has to be a partnership. There is a really interesting article in Cosmo pregnancy about how to baby proof your relationship and it talks about "whos money is it anyway" and basically it didnt matter who earnt it, it was property of both of you!

I hear ya!!
I am feeling sick 24/7 and so so tired and cant get round to doing much housework. Partner is very busy with work and rugby but I wish his "cleanliness" standards were a little better. He is happy to leave dishes piling up and things lying around because he is not here all day to sit in it and put up with it. He figures that because I am here studying all day that I should do all the housework...um hello- I have to study, not clean all day. I just dont think they understand that it is hard making a baby in our belly!! You are not alone in this as I am sure many of us can relate. Take a break for a few days(stay with friends) and I am sure he will appreciate what you do a little more. As for the getting stoned, I would not stand for that. You really need to have a serious talk about that and let him know that it is affecting you(stress etc) and this in turn affects the baby. We are all here for you if you need a chat!

Just re-read what I said and I really have to give my partner some credit as I make him out to be useless. He is wonderful apart from the not being a very clean and tidy man (and I do have high expectations!)

Edited by Topsy

BabyTyme wrote: haha he wouldnt give me a cent even if i begged for it.. his money is his money! Now im starting to get scared.. i ought to buy that mag

Its not a big one, you could probably read it in the shop

Another thought, just because you love him and he is your babys father doesnt mean you have to be with him right now. It could be better for you and bubs to have a break from him until he realises that he needs to take some responsibility.

If you arent sure whatto say to him, write it down and read it out loud to him...just as you have written. By writing it down you can change the bits that seem like personal attacks. Make sure you tell him what you NEED him to do for you, that way you arent saying "you dont do this and you dont do that" Tell him you need him to help you more round the house and you need him to stop getting stoned (thats a biggie,.....not negotiable one). Tell him you feel like your losing the plot over this. If he loves you he has to realise things need to change.

Na you havent.. You are great, i needed advice and you gave great advice.. thanks heaps!

Iv just never spoken about my feelings.. to be completely honest iv probably been a doormat most my relationships..

If things don't change then what example are you setting for your baby....is it ok to get stoned in front the the TV and not help out?

I've always liked this saying:-
If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got

Guess it means that if things dont change then your child in 20 years time will think that its ok to act like his dad.

ps Hope I haven't offended with my post!