Would appreciate some advice please.

Hi All,
Well, its been a pretty tough week! I was in hospital with Hyperemesis for 3 days last week and got home on Sunday, I found out on monday that my baby didn't have a heart beat (11.5 weeks), I went in for a D&C yesterday     I had been very sick for the last 8 weeks, I have lost over 12kgs and was only 55kgs to start with so I'm feeling very weak and I'm really not coping well with my loss.

Anyway, what I would love some advice with is.. My Sister in law is pregnant (almost 2 months further along than I was) and the whole family had planned to go on Holiday for a few days on Christmas day.. not only will my sister inlaw be there but people I haven't met before and my partners aunt who is a midwife... I really can't face it! I don't want to be starring at my sister inlaws bump all that time and listing to all the talk about birth and pregnancy.. The problem is, my mother in law does not understand! She says we need a break - she can't see that it won't be a break for me, I will be spending the whole time trying to keep it together! She is really putting the pressure on my partner! My partner has been very good, but he really wants to go and shes starting to get to him. I have said for him to go, but he won't leave me.
I really don't want to cause any problems in the family!
Am I being selfish?

I hope you can understand my rambling.

Hi AzzaNZ,

I think my MIL really just wants the family together for Christmas - The whole family is very big on Christmas and it will be the first time my partner hasn't spent it with them.

Could he go and you go and stay with your family? that way you aren't alone and they still get their big family christmas.

I don't think you are being selfish either, it has just happened and the last thing you need is to be stuck around a pregnant women and a midwife. Would be different if it was just a few hours but for a holiday, no, that is too much.

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry

Definetly not being selfish at all! I found that after our miscarriage I just wanted to hide away in our bedroom and cry my heart out till I had no more tears left. I also wanted my DH to be there with me. I think unfortunetly some people don't understand how terribly upsetting a miscarriage is and your overwhelming sense of loss. I found that my family/DH's family were wonderful but friends didn't really get it. DH didn't really either, I guess because he wasn't so connected to baby yet.

Look after yourself, think of yourself, because you have experienced a loss. If you don't feel you are up to it, explain this to your partner, but don't for a second feel like you have to explain yourself to anybody else.

Everyone else has said it and I agree with them all. No way are you being selfish. I lost my first baby the week before Christmas and the last thing I wanted to do was "celebrate" anything. And I had a close friend who was there all day who was a month ahead of me. I survived the day but it was very painful and there is no way I would have held it together for any longer. You need to grieve, cry and get over this physically and mentally. Some people do this with other people around and some need alone time. Do it your way. I found that everyone thought I was coping because I refused to cry in front of people - maybe if you had a massive cry in front of your partner or on the phone they'd realise that you're not as together as you seem (I've put that badly, it's not meant to be manipulative but I really mean that it might be a way of letting them know you're not okay yet).

It's so sad you had to go through this. Treat yourself well.

hugs!!

Edited by littlestar