Rant

I always looked at this forum and felt so sorry for everyone on here - now it breaks my heart to be here.

Went for scan today and should have been 9 weeks tomorrow. It wasn't as expected. Infact I couldn't even tell if there was a baby but there didn't seem to be anything there.

The women on reception (about three of them) each asked if I wanted a CD on my way out. For fecks sake. My eyes were red from crying, do you really think I wanted a CD of my empty uterus.

I don't know what to do from here. Do I carry on at work tomorrow like normal after thinking for the past 5 weeks I was pregnant. I've punched the wall. Three times. Didn't help.

I am so angry. And I'm angry at DH even though he's done nothing wrong. I don't want to try again ever now, but so desperately want another baby. But I couldn't imagine going through this more than once.

Anyhow, I just had to rant. I know it's no different and probably less bad than so many of you have been through so feel guilty for even moaning.

Soo sorry Bexee!

You shouldn't feel guilty for moaning - we all need rants sometimes and what you have been through today and are still going through really sux!

Big to you hun

Firstly i am so sorry you are going through this I had my MC beginning of March so i remember clearly the feeling of anger, its a normal part of grieving.

Secondly, at your scan was there nothing there on your scan or no sign of baby/foetal pole etc? Because if there is placenta etc you might need to go see your dr or midwife to talk about your options as you may have what is known as a missed miscarriage.

Bexee...I know how you feel to have the excitement of a scan only to be given the worst news possible. The first time this happened to me, the radiologist was so wonderfully supportive. This time, not so much. She said 'well the GP should have done blood tests to confirm the pregnancy, go to your GP now and have a test'. Just like that.
Let yourself go through the grieving process, anger is a normal part of it! So is crying, denial. You will get to acceptance. It might just take a while but you will get there. Best of luck with your journey

Thanks for the support guys.

My final vent, I promise, but why did nobody tell me how much it would hurt physically? I started bleeding properly yesterday and last night I felt like I was in labour again. Poor hubby was terrified, I could barely move, had the shivers, and was panting away like in labour. It was a horrendous few hours!

Anyway, moving on.

I know. I seriously thought I was going to have to go to A&E last night. Hubby wanted to drag me up there but DS was asleep and I didn't want to wake him. But oh boy, bought back memories of labour.

So sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to how you are feeling at the moment and I know it may not feel like it now but it does get easier, I promise.

I felt like being told we had had another miscarriage was bad enough but having to go through the physical pain of it felt like an extra blow we didn't need at the time!   

Take care of yourself and as someone said this is a great place to vent. I got so much support from all the lovely ladies on here it really did help me.

Good luck on your journey

Bexee- YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL BAD FOR MOANING ABOUT LOSING SOMETHING YOU LOVED. I know how you feel, I misscarried at ten weeks with our first try and I couldent belive it could happen to me it wasent fair! If you don't feel you don't want to try again you need some time to recover! Give it atleast a month and then talk about it and see how you feel. Me and DH waited six months and were going to wait longer but we had a suprise and everything has gone right this time! Also I would have bitten off the ladys head if she had said that to me! Talking to your DH and getting support off each other is the best thing. You may not think it but deep down there feeling upset to! Chin up and remember you will get through this.

Oh Atiamuri, I hope that there is no retained products. Miscarriage is enough, without the drama. Can't speak highly enough of the docs/consultants I got at Rotorua Hospital though - I presume that's where you'll be headed?