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Oh and one thing I think has changed in 'recent' years is the way that kids dress, girls especially. They are dressed in a way that my mum would have killed me for dressing as a kid in primary/intermediate school, and that was hardly a long time ago. Its terrible how sexualised girls clothing is.. with short shorts, real mini skirts.. all mini versions of an older age groups clothes. Its tragic seeing a girl of 10 going down the street in a tiny tank top, mini and pair of knee high boots.

And I don't care if its contraversial but then people are dumb enough to wonder why girls get pregnant or have sex so young when their world has become so sexualised at a younger age? And all the more tempting for the perverts in this world.

Thanks everyone so far - another thing I'm thinking about is the number of women now who have babies over the age of 30 (I'm 32).

My twins were born when I was 38 and I am now currently pregnant with baby number 8....and I will be 42 in May. Although fertility may be said to decline as we get older, I also think that for some people, this is just the right time for them to be thinking of having a family. They may be more settled, they may have just less drama's in general and I honestly believe that stress is a HUGE infertility factor.
Unfortunately like so many, I have rotten pregnancies, spending most of it in hospital etc but I love ALL my children and don't regret a moment.

As for being over protective....I'm of the firm belief that children should be children. My girls all love playing outside, getting as dirty as possible and just generally having fun. In saying that, they also love their bath that will scrub it all off again.

Being a parent - is hard work. And I think that while society can be hard on us, it's our sense of failure that is the hardest.
We need to remember that not only are we parents but that we are also human.
I know I have had days where I've raised my voice at the twins, only to see their little faces drop and I just feel like the worst Mum in the world.
I've had major issues with teenagers where I wondered where on earth I went wrong and I'm surprised I have any hair left after pulling most of it out. But one thing I always remained true to....my children ALWAYS knew (and know) that they are loved. I may not like them at a specific moment, but I always love them. And I've taught them the difference.
Those problem teenagers are now the most amazing adults and I am proud of them.

One thing I do hate about the times now is how children just expect things because such and such from school has them.
In my day we got a sandwich and a piece of fruit and maybe some baking if Mum had the time. Now they want all this other stuff which is rubbish. Luckily my kids seem to also like things like carrot sticks etc so that's something I try to focus on.
They want the latest video machine, rather than being outside playing footy with Dad or just generally being in the fresh air.
I guess it all comes down to what you make of it.....and we should all make the best :)

Anyhow I've rambled on a bit now lol so i'll sign off

kebakat wrote: Oh and one thing I think has changed in 'recent' years is the way that kids dress, girls especially. They are dressed in a way that my mum would have killed me for dressing as a kid in primary/intermediate school, and that was hardly a long time ago. Its terrible how sexualised girls clothing is.. with short shorts, real mini skirts.. all mini versions of an older age groups clothes. Its tragic seeing a girl of 10 going down the street in a tiny tank top, mini and pair of knee high boots. And I don't care if its contraversial but then people are dumb enough to wonder why girls get pregnant or have sex so young when their world has become so sexualised at a younger age? And all the more tempting for the perverts in this world.

oh i so agree with you on that! four years dressed like hookers in CFM boots really gets on my goat!

I have experienced being a younger mum and an older mum as I had my first child at 21 and my second child at 33 and the experience has been completely different the second time around. For a start I was much more ready to be a mum the second time and I had a much better understanding of the commitement I was making. When I was younger I thought I understood, but I think I saw mostly the short term changes and didn't fully comprehend the massive life long committement I was making.
I am undoubtedly more protective this time around and whether that is a product of increased knowledge, age or awareness of the dangers I am unsure, however, I do believe it necessary to be more watchful of our children in this day and age as there are in my opinion many more dangers, for example internet predators, text bullying and sexting. However, I do at times find myself being somewhat overprotective, for example I hate my daughter climbing climbing frames.
I loved my first child more than I ever imagined possible but I don't think I appreciated her as much as I have appreciated my second child. I am constantly finding myself amazed at the awesomeness of human development when I watch her and see her change day to day. I find it incredible that in two short years she has crammed in so much learning and growing - with my first, I of course thought she was amazing, but I took a lot more for granted.

ETA- I was in a rush this morning and didn't finish this post LOL... my point was I think when deciding what age to have children it is a matter of weighing up issues with declining fertility and increases in problems in pregnancy and fetal development with readiness to be a parent and ability to provide for both the emotional and physical needs of the child. Also medical advances and the ability for early detection of fetal abnormalities in my opinion, have made it much less risky for woman who decide to leave having their first children until a little later.

Edited by freckle

Hi Sarah

I am an older first time mum (late 30's) and honestly I didn't feel bombarded with declining fertility messages....I think perhaps because I wasnt interested at all in having children when I was younger I walked around with my fingers in my ears going `blah blah blah' and never got the message.

Imagine my surprise when my GP told me that my age, coupled with my weight and some endometriosis meant she estimated my likelihood of success as about 5%!!!! I was pretty shocked...just assumed because I was still cycling regularly etc that if I wanted to get pregnant I could.

Thankfully after 9 months I did get pregnant and have a gorgeous boy. Knowing I was fighting the odds I have not been preventing since he was born and trying actively for about 9 months now and so far no luck......I fear I may have left my run a bit late but will be forever grateful for the blessing I have.

So I will admit to being `guilty' of warning others about declining fertility because I honestly had NO idea how much more difficult it was to conceive after you reach 30.

sarahmb wrote: Thanks everyone so far - another thing I'm thinking about is the number of women now who have babies over the age of 30 (I'm 32). I'm developing a theory that we're so bombarded with info about your declining fertility and the rise in risks and difficulties, as my GP told me in full, at that age, that it's no wonder if we are a bit more overprotective when we do have kids!

What about women who DON'T have babies over the age of 30? I think we need to get more of a focus on this in New Zealand, and get the Private Care costs significantly reduced - especially for those of us who have no other option but to seek Specialist help because we have met our partners/husbands 'later' in life, or have had trouble conceiving and now feel like we are running out of time as we get into that 'just under 40' age group, or 'just over 40' age group.

Sorry to hijack but I think we deserve MORE emphasis on this in our country - just look at what we pay for private care compared to Australia!

First, how do you think parenting is different now than it was in our parents' day? What are the new pressures?

One of the new pressures - as opposed to my mum - is one of returning to work/career vs being a SAHM. I'm a full-time SAHM - which is rare in my circle of peers. When I meet new people and we do the 'what do you do?' line of introductions, saying 'SAHM' as opposed to my old career role (which some perceived as being fun or even glamorous) I find myself explaining it an apologetic manner. Don't ask me why, when being a SAHM is the hardest yet best job I've ever had.

Second, parents now get a bit of a reputation for being more overprotective of their kids - do you think that's fair? If so, what do you think might be causing it?

Quite a few years ago, pre-kid, I visited a hill tribe in northern thailand. The little kids - toddlers even - were running around, hanging out of trees, taunting mangy dogs with sticks, having a ball. There weren't any parents or adults following the kids around, no safety rails anywhere and all the houses were on poles a good couple of feet off the ground. It was basically a scene that made me flinch... tiny kids tottering around firepits. I asked about it and was told that the kids were free to do what they pleased as they had to 'learn' safety the hard way. If it meant a broken arm (and there were no hospitals or modern westernised healthcare anywhere near) it meant a broken arm, but it worked. The kids learnt, were mostly healthy and intact. Culturally, it was the done thing.

At the time I thought, great idea, makes perfect sense. And now, with my little guy, I just can't bring myself to give him that sense of freedom. I remember all the ads on telly... a small hand reaching for a jug cord, the mum who leaves her toddler in the bath to take a phone call, stranger danger... I've been programmed, through the media mostly, to think that we live in an inherently dangerous world. IMO, it's a little bit of parenting by fear.

Edited by JessDub

If it's not too late to add my opinion, I thought I'd add it below if it's not all already been said:

First, how do you think parenting is different now than it was in our parents' day? What are the new pressures?

My parents were a product of the 50's and started having their kids in the 60's and 70's. I actually think that although Women's Lib has liberated women in many ways, it's also been a bit of a curse. Mothers these days are constantly dealing with the going to work vs. staying at home issue. In NZ it's actually become virtually impossible to stay at home with your children fulltime unless you have a partner on a high income that can support you really well, or you are prepared to make huge financial sacrifices. There is a lot of pressure on mums now (I believe) to go back to work before their children reaches school age.

The Government supports working mothers more than they support stay-at-home mothers. Furthermore, in their day it was expected that mothers would stay at home with their children (and research that I have read indicates that perhaps there were many undiagnosed mothers with Post-Natal Depression for this reason) now that expectation is not there. I'm not sure what the view was of stay-at-home mothers in that time - perhaps more accepted? But now there is a big of a stigma attached to it - like being a stay-at-home mother is being unemployed or boring. There is more honour for a woman to have a career than for a woman to choose to stay at home with her children. I think stay-at-home mothers should be appreciated and honoured a lot more than they are, and the work that they do with their children needs to be valued more too.

The other thing that I think has changed is that our modern society (really it's called a post-modern society, the age we live in) - especially in the major cities - has lost its sense of community. Families tend to live far away from their extended family, they move a lot and don't get to know their neighbours. A lot of people feel isolated and don't experience a great deal of support as they once might have. I think this contributes a lot to the high statistics of Post-Natal Depression in NZ. Post Natal Depression is unheard of in many Pacific Islands because family rally around the mother so well that she has a huge level of support and does not struggle alone.

Second, parents now get a bit of a reputation for being more overprotective of their kids - do you think that's fair? If so, what do you think might be causing it?

I think it's fair to say that we are MORE protective, but I don't think it's fair to say we are over-protective. Our society has changed. When I was a kid I was left to play outside for hours without being checked up on. I would often go for walks in the evening around the local streets, or bike rides, or visited some friends a few streets away and my parents wouldn't specifically know where I was! This was around the age of 9 or 10yo. I would never allow my kids of that age to do that. I think with the rise in crime and traffic problems it's just not as safe. It's difficult to know exactly why our parents were so laid back about our upbringing - eating whatever they wanted during pregnancy, not using car seats or seatbelts, not overseeing our playtime like we do now, but if we were to take that same approach now we would be criticized for being neglectful. Perhaps it's just that our society has changed and we have new information all the time with new research and so on as to how best to protect our children and keep them safe. Unfortunately, that generation often does not respect recent research, such as WHO guidelines and relies on their own personal experience since it "worked for them" - often questioning our choices as mothers. Which is quite understandable.

I think personally I am probably quite protective and try to do "everything by the book" while still using my "mother's intuition", but every mother does what they believe to be is best for their child, and it's our way of loving and caring for them the very best way that we can. I don't think anyone can be criticised for that.

SpecialK wrote: ] With the age thing - a slightly different perspective, my mum has me when she was 19 and while I now have a young mum she is an incredibly busy woman who is focusing on her own career and social life, and although she helps whenever she can I do get envious of girls whose mums are a bit older and are retired or work part time and there is a bit more practical support in the day to day things.

I absolutely know what you mean, my mum 20 when she had me and I was 21 with my oldest and my parents were very busy when my daughter was young...

Well DH and I started trying when we were both 25 originally we thought we would wait until we were financially secure but that didn't seem to happen or seemed like it was going to happen - we own our home well the bank does but unfortunately to pay the mortgage I had to go back to work when Libs was just 5 months. Anyway she took 2 years to get here so we are pleased we didn't wait any longer!!

We didn't want to be old parents and hubby would like a big family - 2 is enough for me lol.

I think it was different for our parents as more mums stayed at home. We are shifting to Australia next month so I can be a stay at home mum and I am walking away from my career to do this. I am 100% sure of my decision - I can go back to my career when the kids have left home but I can't get back this time of being a Mum.