I hope you don’t mind me posting here!

We were TTC for nearly a year before I got pregnant and I do attribute the month I did get pregnant to me giving up and relaxing about it.

I used to obsess mothly over ovulation times, CM, OPK's, charting, temps, vitex and the like but interestingly the month I didn't do all that I got pregnant....

I'm not sure if that is the reason I got pregnant but what I do know is that when I finally did stop obsessing over it and stressing over it constantly day in and day out, googling things, analysing symptoms, scaring myself with possibilities etc my body seemed finally ready to make it happen. I had a 28 day cycle after a year of 40 day cycles, and managed to get pregnant though I don't remember doing the deed at the time I supposedly did conceieve, so I feel this baby is a bit of a mystery and miracle really!

The thing about forgetting and giving up though is that you really have to be ready to do it, you can't really make it happen. I was so fed up of living how I was living and I had just started a new career so I had decided to focus on that and enjoy being young and having money for a while, and spend some more quality time with my husband who I had neglected in all my obsessing about TTC. For me it was a real switch off that just needed to happen, as I am a person who can not just stop thinking about something that's bothering me, I will obsess and obsess until I get an answer. It had to be something that I was really ready to do, as I had tried before and had slipped back into obsessing about TTC again.

I used to think that doing all those things and researching etc gave me some measure of control over TTC but I now realise that there is no controlling it and maybe stopping trying to is helpful I'm not sure.

The other thing that I think helped me, though I didn't get a chance to try it out fully as I got pregnant just before I planned to go, was changing my approach a little. I decided I was going to go see the doctor to try and get my cycle sorted out but I decided instead of approaching it from a TTC perspective, I would approach it from a health angle. I was planning to take TTC out of the picture and just focus on my own health and what I could do to get my cycle right, in the hope that once I did that, pregnancy would follow. I had booked an appointment to go in the school holidays but found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before so I didn't get to put it to the test but I think it was another thing that helped, changing my focus and my mindset. Making it more about me than a baby...

It is so hard to stop thinking about something that you want more than anything in the world and it's not something that can easily happen, I guess it happens when someone gets to the end of their rope and just can't take it anymore.

My advice is to get out there and focus on you, on what you need to be relaxed and happy and focus on your relationship, and enjoying life. I really do think stress held me back, not so much life stress as just having this knot inside me of fear and stress about TTC. When I let that go, it seemed to happen.

I hope this helps in some way. I realise that nearly a year is not that long in the grand scheme of things but it was long enough for me to have a taste of the worries and anxieties you must be having and really sorry you are going through this.

Emma I gave up the month we got pg with Clodagh too. About 2-3 months before that I had had another m/c and was sick of the whole TTC thing adn my obsession with charting etc so decided to chart something else...my weight! lol. I joined WW online and although I didn't have alot to lose (maybe 6kg max?), it gave me something else to montior and diary etc. And I lost 3 kg hehe  The month we fell pg with Clodagh I was really sick with bronchitis & flu so it's amazing 'it' actually happened at all iykwim?!  but yeah maybe if you can change your focus from charting to something else- not ness WW- then the replacement might be genuinely enough to take your mind off TTC?

Oh and we were charting for approx 11 months, had at least 1x m/c (and I think 2) in that time...and had been off birth control for about 16 months in total.

I had given up the month I got preg with Jae too... hence the gaping holes in my post-ov temps Like Emmecat, I focussed on losing weight instead as we were expecting to have to go through public funded IVF (we'd already achieved enough points to qualify), which I was over the max BMI for... I even had a few (i.e a lot!) drinks on the weekends after having cut back for so long... and somehow we managed to get a nice surprise that month! The best part was I had lost 9kg in the time I switched my focus, so i felt a lot better about myself, than I would had I gotten preg at my weight a few months earlier...

I'd been charting for 19 cycles (14 calendar months) with 2 mc's at the beginning. After charting for so long, and having fairly regular cycles, I couldnt completely forget about it, as I knew how many days I was roughly, and that it was 'that' time again... but I let DP take the lead, and didnt tell him when the 'right' time was. Bit like Freckles DF, mine had been a bit reluctant for a while since it was getting too clinical, but he found a herbal 'performance enhancer' and within a few weeks of starting that, he was in a much better 'mood' hehe... must have done the trick cos he was taking it this time too

I'm another one who got pregnant by relaxing. We were up to our 3rd year of trying and I was really mega depressed about it all. BF arranged a holiday to Thailand and I was so upset about it because it was over the anniversary of our first due date and I didn't think I'd enjoy it. But we went and I had a wonderful time and, well, we have our daughter now. But in all honestly I was totally hopeless at actually "forgetting about it" because even although I wasn't charting I totally knew exactly where I was in my cycle and whether having sex was going to be "worth it". It used to drive me NUTS when people told me I needed to relax - but if you can I do think it helps. Good luck though. Hope it happens for you soon.

We have been trying for number 3 for the last 6 months and I'm refusing to chart lol. I know what I'm like and if I start down that road I will become obsessive. I assume that part of the reason some people stress so much while charting is because charting forces you to think about it eveyday. We are going with the flow and it works for us. Some days I stress and get paranoid that it's not going to happen but mostly life just goes on.

I am thinking about getting preseed though and maybe try using that and charting just for one month. I've heard great things from people that have used it and gotten pregnant first try. If it doesn't work I'll just go back to my go with the flow approach

With our first it took a little while to get pregnant and i decided to have 1 cycle off where i didnt obsess about it, work out when i was o'ing or anything like that and i got pregnant! :D Good luck with TTC!

Hehe we had only "tried" (no contraception methods) for 4 months, then we backed off since I didn't want a summer baby... and lo and behold... that month I fell pregnant!!! So am now having a summer baby grrr hehe na it's all good!
I am a different case tho, I was always abit scared of having a baby (the pain, the whole preg, afterwards not knowing wot to do) but had come to the realisation I would regret it if I didn't, so I just left it in Gods hands, figured if it was in His plan it would happen and if not, it wouldn't. He never gives us anything we can't handle, so I am trusting this is the right thing for us since it did happen!

So true to focus on your self and your partner and hobbies, meet with friends, do different things. Surround yourself with friends who aren't TTc or who aren't pregnant.
I did, we made peace with the fact it may never happen and then a few months later it did.!!! This was after 4 or so years of TTC number 1.
Focus on something else and leave these boards just for while!!!

Hi Emmap

We tried not thinking about it and that didn't work... I was obsessed. So then we went to a specialist.

We were TTC for nearly two years and went for Lap in and had endo removed from behind both my ovaries then two months later we got a positive test. We are now ten weeks and counting and hanging out for 12 weeks.

My sister and her hubby were trying for a year at went for lap and had endo removed and three months later got a positive test.

So maybe something will come up in you lap.

Good luck