Advice from Single Mums Please

Didnt want to read and run. I'm not a single parent but if I was single and wanted a baby I would absolutely go down this route.

I have a friend who is doing this overseas with donor sperm - she has a very tight-knit support network where she lives with extended family and I imagine this would help quite a bit.

Good luck!!

I'm not yet....but in 12 weeks or so I will be!

I don't think I could have gone through all the worries and heartaches without my support network though...and to be honest there have been times where I've wished that there was a baby's father to share all my worries etc. with - to discuss names, share my hopes for his future with...in saying that, I know that I am more than strong enough to do this without him and he's a bit of a dropkick anyway so wouldn't improve baby's life at all. Different situation to yours of course but at times it's kind of nice knowing that I don't have to rely on someone else to take care of my son, that it'll all be on me (I can trust me IYKWIM)!!

My mum is really supportive and will be my birth partner and my best friend through the joys and upsets of pregnancy and beyond. I really think it's important you have someone similair - not necessarily a mum, but someone really close you can share even the gross parts with (and there are quite a few gross parts). My mum has been the one to say 'nah, call your midwife' when I'm busy thinking I'm strong enough to cope with it on my own. It's always good to have a person who has your back.

She's going to be invaluable when baby arrives - eventually I AM going to need some sleep, and I've heard you don't get a lot of opportunity for that when you've got a newborn in the house also being my mum, she's been through it all before and can help me find my footing.

The financial side is the biggest worry for me as a single mum - and well I'm yet to find out all the ins and outs of that particular subject. Look into what you will be entitled to because it'd be good to know what you're in for ahead of time so you can prepare yourself (and maybe even do some saving now).

It's going to be hard, but it's also going to be rewarding and a lot different to what mums with partners are going to experience. I think the best part about it is at the end I can sit back and say 'wow, I did this all by myself' and be really proud of that.

Sorry for the novel!

hi i am a single mum and yes it is hard but its so worth all the stugell i have a great bond with my boy and with great surportt and a little planing you should be fine just remeber to take it day by day

Not a single mum, but in regards to the early days (0-3 months) I reckon you'd want to line up a few people to come to help at short notice eg running to the shops for you, bringing the odd cooked meal, just spending the day and making you cups of tea etc. The little things are really important in those first few months. My single mum cousin also made a point of involving her brother and my brothers a lot with her daughter because she wanted some good male role models around.

Good luck. I always said I'd do a similar thing but found Mr Right at 34.

Hi one of my friends is just about to do the whole solo mum thing too, she hasn't given birth yet but in about the next week or 2!

She's living with her mum and dad, and while they work, they will be able to help out if and when she does need a break etc.

I think she doesn't seem bothered by it but to me, having someone there to share all the special moments is important.

I think a great support network is a must, and people there who are able to help out if you desperately need a break to catch up on sleep, for me time or whatever!

My dp and I are living off our savings and it seems like such a shame watching it slowly drain away.

Also my mum did the whole solo mum thing from when I was about 2-3 months old, she moved back in with her parents and she went back to work when I was 4 months and my gran who stayed at home looked after me.

I became a single Mum a bit later on down the track (my kids were 20 months and 3) so I can't really comment on being a single parent with a newborn. However I can comment on the financial side! For me (I am studying full time) finances have been really tough but I am lucky that my parents let us live with them and help out here and there. My advice to you is to look on the WINZ website and print out everything you think you are entilted to and take it in with you. If they tell you you can't get something get it in writing. Also look into working for families through IRD because a lot of the time working the 20 hours and getting that can be better than working while on the DPB.

With childcare start looking well before you need it

Good luck I think it is totally worth it

I am a single mum now (my boy is 13 months), and have been for a while now. Hell i was really from the moment he was conceived. Like TheKelly said, you are better off alone than having a crap partner, but a decent one would help. Mine was crap, and actually made everything harder. I had twice as much work to do running round after him as well as baby and an endless list of other things that made it harder.

In the end I found having a newborn just fine compared to how hard I thought it would be. Thought it would be a lot harder, but I had a good support network, learned A LOT before baby came along, and it made it easy. I think in some ways if you make your mind up it is something you want to do, then you have the right attitude and don't stress too much.

You'll be tired, really tired. But I "practiced" sleep deprivation, and woke myself up fully at regular intervals during the night and learnt how to put myself back to sleep. So the sleep deprivation hurt, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been because I was used to it.

And now I am considering doing exactly what you are thinking of doing for number 2, because I want my boy to have a sibling, and no sign of mr right anywhere. have just started looking into it, but it's a bit of a long wait etc so you should start now. PM me if you want to chat about it :) I'd be interested to see how you find it all!