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Em_Monster 
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Joined: 24 November 2007
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 Topic: Pregnancy via Donor
Posted: 24 November 2007 at 1:05pm |
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Hoping someone may be able to give advice....
I am 35, single and wanting to have a baby. I have asked 2 of my friends if they would consider being a donor and if they are not willing, will then go private.
Problem is, my doctor is not supportive as I would be a singe mother, am apparently going to be judged by the rest of society and is unwilling to help.
Has anyone used a donor at home (ie home syringe?!!)
I would prefer to do DIY but dont know where to turn for advice
This is not a spur of the moment decision.. I have great friends and family who are really supportive of me doing this
Any info greatly appreciated
Emma
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Helen21
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Joined: 31 July 2007
Location: Hawkes' Bay
Points: 547
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 3:22pm |
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A friend of a friend was in a simalar situation as you. She was 38 and single and desprately wanting a baby after miscarring in her 20's around the same time here husband was killed in a car accident. Any she tried to apply for sperm through a clinic but she didn't meet the critera because of her age and marital status. With a shortage of donations in New Zealand they are getting a bit picky.
Anyway she advertised for a donor on the internet and eventually found someone suitable. They did the at home diy thing and after three months she was pg and had a healthy baby girl.
The donor gave her his parents contact details in case she needed track him down for medical purposes only. They also made up a signed contract saying he wouldn't be at all held responsable for the baby and wasn't put on the birth cert.
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Chloe 12/7/03
Miya 5/11/05
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Em_Monster
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Joined: 24 November 2007
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 3:44pm |
Thanks Helen
What a lovely but sad situation. So happy she finally got her little bundle of joy after such tradegy
Have spent another 5 hours online today researching US sites and managed to locate SI kits and instructions!! Finally and YAH!
Will do this without my unhelpful doctor (who I still want to kick), and will make sure to get a contract drawn up with the donor and ensure we are both clear on expectations etc.
Appreciate the response and hope you have a lovely weekend
Em
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Kellz
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Location: Gisborne
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 4:26pm |
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I think you should definalty find a new Dr! When you are preg, and have a baby you are definaltly going to need a supportive, understanding Dr,...or at least one that helpful!
Good luck!
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my2angels
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 4:47pm |
I agree with Kellz, you are going to need a good doctor! I have a friend who was in a kind of similar situation except she did it the old fashion way and got pregnant. She was older and didnt have a partner but wanted a baby and with her age she didnt want to wait any longer. The father sees the child sometimes but she is happy with that. Not sure how or where you would advertise for a donor if your friends arent keen though. Dont think they have a section for that on trade me 
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cuppatea
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 5:06pm |
I've seen adverts in the local paper for egg donors so should be possible to advertise for sperm donors.
Good luck
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Bizzy
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 5:06pm |
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welllll, i dont blame your doctor really... and you would have to be able to put up or with or defend lots of negative comments from different quarters just because you chose to have a baby on your own...
but i also dont think it is your doctors place to pass judgement on you or try and make you feel bad, so def find a new doc.
I know that it can be done but you would prob have to search hard to find relevant info. and i agree a contract between you and the donor would be needed. Maybe seek some legal advice on that one if you could too.
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ginger
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 2714
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 9:49pm |
It's a toughie Emma in that you have a dream and freedom of choice, but your Dr is bound ethically to do the best for you as his patient and if he was to assist in bringing a baby into a potentially non-ideal situation, then it would to an extent go against his ethical obligations. That's why with fertility treatment they are against placing 2 embryos back - from an ethical perspective, they must give baby and mother the very best chance for pregnancy.
Anywho, it's a bit rambly, but it may not necessarily be your Dr's personal opinion if you know what I mean?
I wish you all the best though, and hope you can achieve pregnancy ala turkey baster instead of having to get into more expensive and complex methods 
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Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00
Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41
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busymum
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Posted: 24 November 2007 at 10:36pm |
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Would pay to look into WINZ benefits etc for the future too - I presume at some stage you will want to be on the DPB and they can be a bit strict on people who don't claim child support for their kids.
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Bombshell
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 9:19am |
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i know someone in the same position as you - she is going through fertility associates and is on a third private round...she too would be a "single mum"....I say flick your doc or demand a referral to FA
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Kels
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 10:07am |
Good on you Emma. I wish you all the best in the world as being a mum is the most rewarding job in the world and nothing compares.....
I had a patient that was in a similar situation as you and she saved to go private to have her daughter. SHe had the same family support as you. Her daughter is now 2yrs old and what an amazing journey it has been to be part of their lives for their past 2 years. They had their up and downs as you would in 2parent families. When I asked her would she do it all again given half the chance she said in a heart beat, She has had her fair share of people disagreeing but over all the support out weighed the bad a\nd she has learn not to listen to the negative.
Sorry I know Im off the topic of your question, just wanted to share this experience with you
Just remind your Dr that you are there for some help on where to go and not to be subjected to his opinion as that is not part of his job. If he is totally not willing to help out he is obligated to ref you to the appropriate service you need whether it be FPA or another GP
Again Emma, Im wishing you all the luck in the world
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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emachan
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 8:08pm |
I just want to say all the best Emma, of course, ideally for you and bubs it would be great to have two parents, but do what feels best for you, and if you have the support of your family, then go for it!
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 DD#1 Sept 08 DD#2 Oct 09
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Mazzy
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Posted: 25 November 2007 at 8:52pm |
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All the best Emma, how great that your family and friends are so supportive.
Just a heads up, although this isn't first hand for me, on another forum I've been on there is a woman who got a friend to be her donor and her experience hasn't been good because the father decided (after the baby was born) that he wants full access to the child. From what I understand, even a pre-conception contract drawn up won't stand up in court, so she now has shared custody of the child. Hard to prevent someone changing their mind, but just something to think about in the friend vs. anonymous donor process, and possibly something to check with a lawyer.
She is really happy to have her baby though, and I hope you get to experience the same joy of holding your baby in your arms.
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Mum to two gorgeous girls!
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DanielNZ
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Posted: 29 June 2009 at 9:12pm |
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Hi Emma,
I'm a 34 year old father of one (so far) and I separated from my wife a couple of years ago. My daughter's name is Caitlin and she's 5 - at school and very cute.
I've been a donor at Fertility Associates and my donations have already been used by 4 women (the maximum). However, I recognise that there are women out there that don't want to wait 2-3 years on a list for a donor through the clinic or think that $2000 a cycle is too much to bear. I want to help a few more women to achieve their dreams of having a child.
As a father myself, I recognise how special it is to be a parent and I think it's every one's right to have a child if you want one.
Drop me a line and chat some more.
Regards,
Daniel
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Shezzey
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Posted: 29 June 2009 at 11:21pm |
Hiya Emma
Red Dragon started a thread here called called "anyone doing AI" maybe you can pm and she can advise you? Also she mentioned donors from a site called
www.freespermdonors.com
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 30 June 2009 at 10:33am |
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How interesting is it that your Dr doesn't approve, what happens if you went out and got pregnant from a one night stand...what would your Dr say then????
Good luck!!
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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brixey
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Posted: 30 June 2009 at 12:01pm |
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Emma, good on you for making such a brave decision. If you are in Welly PM me as my doc here is great. I don't think she will be judgemental.
I say flick your GP too and just make an appointment wiyth FA.
Daniel, your words are touching and you must be a hell of a great guy!
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TTC #1 December 08
Azoospermia diagnosed - June 09
FA appt #1 August 09
Roll on IVF/ICSI !!!
Marrying my darling - July 10
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happymumma
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Posted: 30 June 2009 at 1:29pm |
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Hi Emma
I have a friend who conceived her three children with the help of a friend of a friend and a turkey baster so it can definitely be done. She initially talked to friends and also asked them whether they had friends who might be willing to donate. I'm not sure whether they have something in writing (I assume so) but the father wished to have a photo each year but no other contact except if the children asked later on down the track.
My understanding re sperm donation is that some men specifiy that they want their sperm to go only to those women in a relationship and others don't so there should be options should you need to go down the official track.
Good luck!
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Babe
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Posted: 01 July 2009 at 8:00pm |
Hey hun I just wanted to wish you the very best and second everyone else on finding a doc who you feel is fully supportive. Being a single parent can be difficult (been there) but a supportive family makes all the difference - especially if you have a dad and brothers/BILs who can provide that very very important male role. My partner has taken on my son as his and adores him but Jake has an extremely close and loving relationship with my dad and brothers from the time we lived both with them and near them and its awesome. My dad was even there for Jake birth - so special!!
Again big hugs and best of luck, I'll be watching to see how things go
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Pregnancy via Donor
