3 year old still in nappies

We were told by our daughters doctor that a lot of it is to do with spinal cord and bladder development and that because kids all develop at different rates you could actually be trying to get your child to TT when they are actually not physically able to do it. The thing I have found with friends/family that have tried to TT their kids young is that there is a big difference between actually being TT'd and just being able to go on the toilet when prompted. I wanted to wait until my daughter was able able to recognise when she needed to go to the bathroom and was able to take herself off to do it. And like a few have said, the cost of nappies is comparable with the cost of the washing you can end up doing in a day
The best advice I was given was from my SIL, (who has 4 kids). She told me when they are ready it should be easy, if they are not ready - HARD!

Honestly - they don't care at all

Yea, the main reason we havnt pushed DS to TT is because we know he's not ready. His grandparents have this huge thing about TT'ing him now but really, how can you TT a child that doesnt know his own body?

It's hardly going to be embarrassing for them when they've done it their whole life and see it as the norm. I'm in the process of training DD1 now, and I think she finds it a bit weird me watching her go on the loo (although who knows why, cos she watches me go all the time - oh how I miss peeing in private!!). She certainly has no qualms about having her nappy changed.

One thing I've learnt since having kids, is that babies don't read parenting/child development books. They develop in their own time and there is no such thing as "normal", just "normal for that child"

I totally agree there's no point forcing the issue until they are physically ready, which is different for different kids. I do think kids can experience embarrassment as you suggested LR! I know my daughter peed her pants one day and I had to put her in a nappy (all I had with me), and she was SO upset and embarrassed she screamed her brains out. I think this awareness that big people don't wear nappies and they do pee in the toilet helps motivate TTing, so even if it is something they have always done, they start to see it as not the norm... My older girls both TTed easily at 2 and both displayed some embarrassment around wearing nappies or peeing their pants.

LuckyRed wrote: So do the over 2s get embarrassed about the fact that they are weeing/pooing into nappies? At that age they are basically little people and know what's going on and have the ability to communicate well, I felt strange changing my niece's nappy because of her age, I am used to babies and small toddlers.

My 2yo doesn't have the ability to communicate well.(and he's perfectly normal by the way :D ) He can count to 10 in two languages, but won't say 'yes'. He can tell me when he needs to poo, but can't say whether he needs to go right.this.minute or in an hour. It could be the next day even.
He doesn't mind having his nappy changed, but doesn't really care if it takes a while for someone to notice it needs it (usually as soon as he walks past and we get a whiff!) We have a running joke that he's probably thinking "Not now mum - I've finally got it all comfy!"

So - no embarrassment isn't a factor. Unless I guess you make them feel like it's something to be horribly ashamed of, but I think that would just be setting them up for all kinds of problems. Like a friends kid who held it for days because she was scared to mess her pants - and that's not a fear I ever want my child to have.

Perhaps the embarrassment is part of their awareness and readiness for TT whereas those that are more oblivious are less likely to be ready. My DS will say when he's doing a poo, and stop but then isn't interested in being changed or bothered by it. I'm the one that doesn't want to smell it :)

Both of mine were fully TT just before their third birthdays.

With my eldest (girl) I was actively TTing for AGES but she was just not ready... I think I may have even delayed her TTing as it was awful for her having accidents etc... She trained when I eased off and she decided for herself to wear undies and it was painless - I wish that I had just left it up to her way sooner.

With my son I just made sure he knew what to do - how to climb on toilet etc etc... then would offer him undies now and then. He was in a combo of nappies and undies (whatever he preferred) for about a week or two before he ditched nappies altogether and was fully TT day and night. He was fully TT a good 2 months before my DD did and it was painless - because he was ready.

It is hard to relax about toilet training due to outside pressure and hearing of younger kids being toilet trained, and that expense and pita that nappies are, but like almost you all have said, they're not ready until they are ready...

Ant wrote: freckle wrote: Ant wrote: [QUOTE=LuckyRed] So - no embarrassment isn't a factor. Unless I guess you make them feel like it's something to be horribly ashamed of, but I think that would just be setting them up for all kinds of problems. Like a friends kid who held it for days because she was scared to mess her pants - and that's not a fear I ever want my child to have. ummm okay - well like I said above my child WAS embarrassed and I never did anything to make her feel that way. I never even pushed TTing at all (couldn't be bothered!)... they are all different - and your comment sounds a little judgmental to me :S Sorry - I didn't make my point clearly. I feel that if a child *isn't ready* then they are unlikely to be embarrassed. I would take embarrassment to be a good sign they are ready - and not one all children have. Your daughter was clearly already well into toilet training as she wasn't wearing nappies at the time. If there is no expectation, from either themselves or outside influences, that what they are doing is not ideal for them then why would they have negative feelings about it?

No she wasn't "well into TTing" - why would the fact she wasn't wearing nappies suggest that? I never TTed my kids with nappies:) And yeah that was my point that embarrassment can be a positive indicator of readiness. But I don't think it means people have negatively influenced the child to think peeing ya pants is a bad thing... some just start to notice that big people don't wear nappies.