How do I tell Sam’s father?

Woops, sorry I thought you meant your new DP. Yeah you are in the right, you are the mother and you are the one that is supporting him and sending updates to your ex. TBH I think he should be the one that is threatened - he probably is which is why he is being such a goddamn headcase (seriously, threatening to take your son because you have a friend that smokes pot is more than a couple of sammies short of a picnic, he's an empty goddamn basket!). Is there a legal aid near you? I am sure if you ring around you can get someone that can give you free advice. I just had a quick look and there are lots of barristers and solicitors in your area which can probably give you free advice over the phone. Also talk to the police, threatening to make your life difficult is bonkers, they can probably help you take legal solutions as well (the trespass order is free and no excuse needed).
Yet again, best of luck.

Edited by Peace

Renee - reading thru (now that i have more time) seems like your ex is all talk and no do - its just to get a reaction from you and to 'control' you still.. its hard not to stress about it but don't or hes done his job...

He hasn't got a leg to stand on stopping you from leaving Hamilton (or moving) the only way that would happen is if it was impossible for him to see his son if you did - well by your post hes in Oz so theres nothing he could say to stop you and get a lawyer to agree on it. (my ex also threatened this then moved to the south island - it never happened!) Just another way he tried to control me

You do what you want and whats best for you and sam... once your ex prealises he can't get to you by doing things like this beleive me he will almost disappear and although you will feel for Sam it would be the best thing as a father he did for Sam.

DH's suggestion (who is a cop) is get a custody agreement in place because at the moment he can legaly come over and take Sam back to aussie purely because there is not custody agreement. You will have to prove why there should not be shared custody...is he a danger to Sam? It is quite difficult to get a protection order...you need to justify why there should be a protection order ie has he been abusive in the jpast to either yourself or Sam? In a shared custody arrangement you can get some sort of thing stating that the child cannot leave the country without both parents consent....Having said all this check with a lawyer that specialises in relationship breakups or with the family court.

After all of that congrats on your pregnancy and go ahead and move to Auckland to be a family with your new DP and do not feel guilty.

appy2 wrote: Also I didn't think he could legally take Sam out of the country unless he has a passport for Sam. And to have a passport for Sam I would have thought that requires both parents signatures, so it is impossible for him to get Sam a passport without your consent.

No you only need one signature, so yes he could apply for a passport for Sam. He would of course need passport photos to get the process done.

Congrats on your new pregnancy...so sorry to hear you're having these troubles with your ex. He sounds like a nasty piece of work, and tbh a bit scary. I don't want to freak you out at all, but I mean, it almost sounds like the start to the sort of story you read on the news which ends in the ex attacking the other and really hurting them in a rage!

I think it has all been said regarding what you need to do legally. I hope it all goes smoothly and you can move on. He will obviously always be in your life as Sam's father, but doesn't mean he should be able to dictate how you live your life now. Good luck.