Time to move on..

:) well said.. I'm yet another who had the councelling(in chch) and without it we would not be together...as one of the PP said...we still refer to it now !:) And we have come a long way but still getting there...it's hard work! My one regret was not doing this before the wedding!

both people have to be 100% committed to it.. you have been very brave talking to him and seeking help..well done!:)

Aww Kandice Make sure you get onto it and organise the counselling. I hope that he goes and that the counsellor can help you guys both to get your things sorted (because it is definitely not only you that has "baggage"). My DH and I had pre-marriage counselling because I got really depressed about stuff in my past, and DH was starting to feel like he was useless and could do nothing to make me happy. He didn't realise that my depression wasn't about him, it was about my life BEFORE him. The counselling was great, it got us thinking along the same lines and taught us how to deal properly with ourselves and each other.

If he doesn't go to the counselling, or take it seriously and things don't change with the way he treats you, then it sounds like you have some tough decisions to make You don't deserve to be treated with suspicion and put down all the time (no matter what you tell yourself or what others have told you). And once he learns what caring for you actually means, he will have to realise that listening to you about your past and helping you work through things is part of being in a relationship with someone... a persons "baggage" isn't something that you just leave them alone with if you are meant to be the other half of that person, helping and supporting them through life. A little understanding goes a long way.

If things aren't meant to be, with Charles... then don't for a SECOND think that no one else would want you, just because some jerks in the past have tried to trap you in a relationship or drag you down by telling you that. The right person for you will see past all that... and besides, when you are away from a guy that drags you down all the time, half of your baggage will have disappeared already. If things don't change with Charles after counselling and you have to leave him for the sake of you and your child... take some time out to let yourself recover and see that you really are a strong, intelligent woman who can cope and succeed... before you rush into another relationship. Because you are that person. Your determination to make positive changes in your life shows that. Make sure you stay on top of it... starting off is the hardest part, so make sure you organise the counselling straight away before you lose your drive.

Your counsellor might suggest that you get separate sessions as well as couples sessions, that definitely helped us too.