This made me PML this morning!!

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   Qantas Airlines---- 

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely for their jobs. 

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. 

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots 

(Marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By Maintenance Engineers. 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. . 

------------------------------------------------------------ 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

P: Something loose in cockpit. 

S: Something tightened in cockpit. 

P: Dead bugs on windshield. 

S: Live bugs on back-order. 

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. 

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 

S: Evidence removed. 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 

S: DME volume set to more believable level. 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 

S: That's what they're for. 

P: IFF inoperative. 

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 

P: Suspected crack in windshield. 

S: Suspect you're right. 

P: Number 3 engine missing. 

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) 

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

P: Target radar hums. 

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 

P: Mouse in cockpit. 

S: Cat installed. 

And The Best One For Last!! 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. 

S: Took hammer away from midget