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Treen View Drop Down
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Joined: 06 July 2008
Location: Clevedon, Auckland
Points: 832 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Treen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:07am
My kids certainly won't be getting a cake to take to school. They'll be getting one cake and one cake only. But I can see you're stuck right where your DP's ex wants you, Lemongirl. You don't want to make a scene as you know she has the potential to use anything you and DP do against you in court. And kiddo sounds like she's bearing the grunt of her mother's issues so you don't want that to get any worse.

This woman is evil. She seems to have no idea whatsoever what she is doing to her daughter. She is so obsessed with making life difficult for you and DP, she can't see the wood for the trees.
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caliandjack View Drop Down
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Joined: 10 March 2007
Location: West Auckland
Points: 12487 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:18am

She might not be your kid but when she's under your roof you are responsible for her.

My brother is in a similar situation to your DP, and when the kids are with him and his partner they're expected to listen to them. I certainly wouldn't tolerate naughty behaviour towards his partner. 

I do know his ex-wife was very bitter towards the whole thing and refuses to meet his partner/fiancee. Which is sad as between the 3 of them they're raising his two girls and hers.

I remember taking a cake to school once when I was in primary school mum made a slice and decorated it with hundred and thousands, and I had 1 for my party, but then I only had one party.

This kid is getting a whole lot of attention for a 5 year old. Money wont buy her affection, spending time with her will.


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monkey33 View Drop Down
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Points: 1236 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote monkey33 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:53am
I feel for you lemongirl - I have read a few of your posts now about your situation and it is a hard one to be in.

My parents split when I was 10 and Mum met a new guy. When Dad dropped me off after staying there every 2nd weekend, he would come in for a beer. Am sure it hurt him to see Mum with someone else, but it kept him closer to us. I am sure it it would have worked out the same had Dad met someone aswell (he still hasn't!).

Mum has now been remarried to a lovely man for a few years now. He is called Grandad by my sister's kids (and will be by ours) and is at all of their kids parties along with my Dad. They don't talk a whole lot but they get along fine. We even did christmas together one year when my sister's first arrived (we usually see Mum on christmas and Dad on boxing day).

It must be hard to have an ex who is being so difficult about including you in her daughter's life and she seems to only do so when it is convenient to her (ie can you make the cake but no you can't come to see her blow the candles out). Hopefully over time, the ex will see that you have her daughter's best interests at heart and are doing a great job of being a step-Mum.
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jazzy View Drop Down
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Points: 8858 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jazzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2009 at 1:25pm
I too have read several of your posts about "the kiddo" I think this competition between the parents is setting her up for a big fall, no one likes a spoilt child. She will find it hard when her parents stop this or when you have kids.

I would only have done a birthday cake at home for her not several, let her mum or dad buy the rest. They are both taking advantage of you. You don't even get an invite to the school for it, does the mother?

You are the step-mum, & from what I have read you do heaps for her but are not involved with much because of the mum, therefore maybe you should pull back a bit, the things & parts you are not allowed to be part of don't do things for it.

I think you are amazing, anyone who is a step parent & can take on the role as that deserved to be treated fairly & it should be acknowledged, you could so easily say no more. Think you need to talk to your DP, he seams to take a lot for granted.

My DS2 will be 5 on Friday, so will make him a cake for then & the grandparents will be here for dinner. Saturday the cousins are coming over as they can not make Friday night, so will bake some muffins instead of another cake. Thursday is graduation from kindy so he will hand out little chocolates to the kids.
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hannibal View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 December 2008
Points: 611 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hannibal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 December 2009 at 9:51pm
Seriously she is only 5???? Like I said in an earlier post as with the other spoil isn't nice (sorry) - if it isn't sorted out you guys will have issues with her. Three cakes - surely you will have left overs maybe she can take that along with a packet of nice biscuits? I am still getting over the fact that she is getting so much spent on her at xmas. It all seems so sad she is a poor puppet in all this and it will end up badly. I only wish we can wave a wand and make it all better for you all.
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