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kellverona 
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Hervey Bay Australia
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 Topic: how do you deal with people butting in
Posted: 15 January 2009 at 5:31pm |
to the bringing up of your kids.
I hate it and Im not the sort of person that would say so. Today I did and now Im feeling a bid bad. A friend who has 3 kids keeps interupting when Im telling my son off and taking over. Shes a good Mum and all but I see her parenting ways as being a bit harsh on her kiddies, but thats her way and thats cool. Im tough on my boy but to a certain extent. hes 2 and there are limits. He doesnt get away with alot but some things like he doesnt say thank you after telling him too 10 times, I give up. Little things. Im happy with the way we bring up our son and I just wish people would butt out. I told her today that hes only 2 and Im happy with the way i do things and she does her things the way she wants so lets just leave it at that. She was cool about it and said fair enough but I feel a little bad now as I have finally said something. Been putting up with it way too much from people. Leave me alone. argh!!!! Sorry had to rant. Dont mind opinions now and again but I still feel it shouldnt be given unless I ask or they think it would really be benificial ..
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lilfatty
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 5:35pm |
Golly gee .. even if I didnt like the way my friends child was acting (and Im not saying that was the case here) .. but I would NEVER say anything (to the Mum or bub)!
After all its your child .. and its not like he is hurting anyone 
Oh and Ive never actually had anyone (except my Mum) offer any parenting advice that I hadnt asked for. ... and if my Mum butts in .. I just tell her to butt back out 
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caliandjack
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 5:45pm |
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The only time I've been in a position of 'parenting' someone else's child, was when I was nannying a 3yr old boy, I never disciplined him, but if he behaved towards me in a manner I didn't like I did tell him so, there were times he could be a bit aggressive and try to hit me - I'd hold his hands away from me and tell him 'no', and explain that I wasn't allowed to hit him, and he's not allow to hit me.
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Snappy
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 6:56pm |
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Im still wondering this too. My inlaws are terrible at it!
But they are odd, and tell me NOT to discipline my child when shes climbing on someone. Other times they have told Janaya off themselves for something stupid like playing with a boy in the dirt and not acting like a "lady"...Drives me insane, I will get them back one day!
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 7:59pm |
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your inlaws are odd Kaiz.....
takes all sorts huh ?
Well, I DO say somethings to my friend re her daughter, but thats only when she asks my opinion, which she does quite a bit , and I say it in the most honest, yet uncritical way as possible.
And only because she has asked, I wouldn't otherwise , plenty of times I have WANTED to , (her daughter is a bit of a handful) but until she asks for my opinion , I keep my mouth shut
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busymum
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 8:39pm |
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I haven't been in the same situation (thank goodness!) but I agree with you. I will not step in to correct a child unless their parent is not around, even if they hurt one of mine. My job is just to look after my own kids and teach them what to do if someone hurts them, etc. If I see a slapping occur and the other kid's parent is nearby but didn't see, I'll tell them what happened.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:36pm |
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I think you handled it Well Kell. Its not cool for someone else to tell your child off especially since you were there. I have never been in that situation, my parents are the only ones who discipline my kids which is fine cos they have them a bit and are pretty soft on them.
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 15 January 2009 at 11:28pm |
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personally , If C is being a little madam , and Im there but don't notice, then Im happy to have other people tell her off, hell, they will get told off by a lot of people in their life, especially once they get to school, and they may as well get it hard cos not everyone is going to think they are the best things ever.
If I do notice however, then I will tell her off, noone else needs to ,im pretty capable of making sure she knows im not happy with her behaviour
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fire_engine
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 10:21am |
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I don't butt in with friends, but I will tell my nieces and nephews off if they're being brats. My MIL is very happy to dispense advice/directions and I'm trying to learn how to deal with that.
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lizzle
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 12:19pm |
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With my MIL she thought she was being helpful - whereas I found it intrusive. I said one day when she was giving me advice - "I apreciate your advice, but my plunket nurse has advised me....., soi think I'll try that. if that doesn't work, I'll let you know"
She understood the subtext - which was "back off lady"
My SIL, on the other hand, just listened through the advice and I know that MIL thinks she is helping her, but it drives SIL nuts. I'd told her to be more direct but she finds it rude. oh well
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fire_engine
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 1:28pm |
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Mmm, I get the "I've raised 3 children and I'm a registered nurse" line. Ah, fun.
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Kelpa
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 2:10pm |
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Guess it depends on what type of person you are as well?
With the group of friends I meet with who are all pretty down to earth realistic middle 30's woman ... all have lil ones...we are all happy with each other disciplining.
There is nothing wrong with discipline as long as it is reasonable (and of course thats open to discussion with different people)....
Two year olds esp need firm consistent boundaries.
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McPloppy
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 2:31pm |
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The only time I "give my opinion" is when the child is at my house (with or without their mum) and they are doing something that my children are not allowed to do, otherwise how do they know what is accepteble?
eg : At our house we do not jump on the funiture
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peanut butter
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Posted: 16 January 2009 at 5:52pm |
 Eeek, I'd probably say something if that parent was there and didnt notice....eg, if their child hits another etc and I am right there I would probably be inclined to say "we dont hit, thats not very nice". I never thought that would offend people but maybe I should just keep quiet.
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Maya
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Posted: 17 January 2009 at 12:53am |
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I had a friend (who doesn't have children) threaten to smack one of the gremlins for something or other once. I made it very clear that we don't smack in our house, coz even tho I have given the girls the odd smack, it's not my first choice of discipline and I only use it in very specific circumstances, and I certainly wouldn't let anyone else lay a hand on them! She was a bit taken aback and got a bit defensive about it but bottom line is they're my kids, so my rules.
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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kellverona
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Posted: 17 January 2009 at 1:39pm |
Yes I dont mind other people telling off my son when i didnt see or am not there but if Im right there in the middle of telling my son not to do something then there is no need for someone else to butt in.. 
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how do you deal with people butting in
