ADVICE PLEASE!!! my mum . .

ok so . . .
in 2000 my parents split after 30+yrs of marrage
i was 19 at the time, and cant say i was shocked as i was pretty much expecting it, and had even told my mum a few years earlier
id always been closer to my dad, as my mum never wanted kids EVER but dad did so pretty much i was to keep him happy,

now 8yrs later dads shacked up with a family friend, he doesnt live in the same town and is really happy.

mum is living a bitter life . . . she WONT let it go, she used to be all for marrage etc until the split now if 1 of my friends gets married or engaged she cant even say congrats, she says "what do u want to do that 4 almot all marages end in divorse . . . blah blah"
its really embarassing, she meddles in my life non stop, and hates DH with a passion as hes told her exactly what he thinks of her.

she will voise her opinion over and over and over to everyone and anyone at all, when i was pg i even had people at work telling me how my mum was soooo upset i was pg again!!! i didnt even know theese people!

she tells sarah some things about her grandad which ive warned her about in the past, i have also told her if she was going to tell her mean things about her grandad that i wouldnt let her see her anymore!

lastnight sarah talked to grandad on the phone and the first thing she said was " nanna cries at night because you left her and now your with that horrible lady who looks funny, you made nanna so sad she cries everynight, and that horrible lady thinks its funny because its all her fault, !

both me and dh were like WTF!!!! OMG
no 5yr old should have there head filled with crap like that! but my mum wont listed, she just says well its true and doesnt listen to anyone at all!

what do i do????

yeah I agree, until your mum respects your wishes, you should cut her out of your kids life, its not right to use a child like that.

eta: sounds like she could do with counselling also so that she can move on with her life and find some happiness

Edited by mummydee

We had a similar situation with my MIL and our kids haven't seen her in years. Bit different cause she's not my mum so I don't have the same guilt association as I would if it was my mum.

I agree you should follow through and at the very least limit contact so that she can only see your daughter if you or your DH are around.

Your daughter shouldn't have that sort of stuff said to her - hope it doesn't affect her relationship with her Grandad. Sounds like your mum can't see past her own nose? Good luck!

gosh thats terible!! i agree with what everyone has said - counceling and cutting her off from your kids for a while...

oh and my dad knows exactly what mums like so it doesnt affect his relationship with sarah , usually when sarah has said things in the past he usually rolls his eyes or cracks up laughing

I haven't been in that situation, although my parents are hanging together in a marriage that they both hate. It's horrible to watch.

Anyway, first up I think you need to have a chat with Sarah to try to negate some of what your mum has said to her. Obviously there are some untruths in there for starters, and it's horrible that she has been brought into the middle of them.

Secondly, how much time does Sarah spend with her grandmother anyway? I definitely think that you (and your DH together, probably) need to bring it up with your mum and tell her that talking to Sarah about her separation is absolutely not acceptable. But I think any contact Sarah has with her from now own will have to be a short, family visit; ie you or your DH is right there to keep the tongue-lashing in check.

I'm all for supporting kids and their grandparents even if the grandparents aren't the best role models. My grandad was always bitter and angry while I was a kid and not nice to be around, but we did still visit at times (and we liked visiting our grandma), but as I grew older my grandad started turning off the tv whenever we visited, and as I became an adult he would even talk about things from his history, e.g. his work and stuff. So even though I barely spoke with him as a youngster, I still felt I got a good relationship with him in the end.

What I'm trying to say is that it is easy to take a knee-jerk reaction and never let Sarah see her grandma again. While I think her contact needs to be restricted to protect her from adult issues, I doubt that never seeing her again will be helpful.