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Forum LockedWhy is this my responsibility???
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Katherine View Drop Down
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Points: 949 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Katherine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Why is this my responsibility???
    Posted: 20 September 2007 at 10:13pm

Other SIL (my brother's wife -- not to be confused with Evil SIL, who is my brother-in-law's wife) has sent me a frantic email saying that she's pregnant with #3. #2 will be one in November, and #1 is almost four, so to say that this pregnancy is unplanned is an understatement. She hasn't told anyone yet, not even my brother, and is freaking out because she knows my brother will be upset.

The thing is, my brother is in the military, and he's been trying to go to university for about six years now, and every time he starts a term of classes, he gets called up and sent to Iraq or Afghanistan or some other godforsaken place, and has to put his studies on hold. He's finally managed to complete one whole term of classes and is on to the second term, and he's desperate to get his degree.

I'm furious with her for trying to ask me what to do. How am I supposed to know? I'm not in her marriage. I hate being confided in by her, because she always wants me to take sides with her against my brother. So now I'm supposed to give her sage advice, assuage her fears, and help her figure out how to tell my brother she's accidentally pregnant again. Except I don't want anything to do with this situation at all. How can I bow out politely? Or am I stuck?
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busymum View Drop Down
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Points: 12236 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 September 2007 at 10:17pm
There's not much to say really. I'd be replying with something like,
"I'm sorry I have no idea, this is really something you and he need to discuss."

Would that do? (she says hopefully)
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Peace View Drop Down
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Points: 1431 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Peace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 September 2007 at 10:27pm
Sounds like you have said it already "I don't want to get in the middle" maybe easier to say when you have a bit of courage and she might feel a bit embarrassed by putting you in the wrong place.
DD1 May 2006
DD2 March 2011
DD3 August 2012
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Anna View Drop Down
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Points: 694 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Anna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2007 at 6:47am
I second both the above answers, a combination of both! What about "I don't want to get caught up in the middle, sounds like something you and he need to discuss".

I also think that if I were pregnant and I told someone other than Andy first he'd be pretty hurt.

Tell her that your there for her if she needs help or someone to talk to but you are not willing to give advice in such a sensitive situation.

Anna

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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Points: 10974 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2007 at 7:25am
i would send back an email that says...

CONGRATULATIONS. I love being an aunty.


and leave it at that.

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ffudehtpu View Drop Down
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Points: 159 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ffudehtpu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2007 at 9:42am

I'd be flattered that she felt close enough to me to confide in me.  when i found out we were pregnant i freeked out a bit and we were trying,  Maybe go around and listen but don't give any opinions and encourage her to talk to your brother, I'm not sure it'll be about takiing sides (only you will know this) as much at getting her head in order with a bouncing board that she can trust.
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buzimumto3boys View Drop Down
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Points: 1167 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote buzimumto3boys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2007 at 10:27am
I would say something like the others suggested... I dont want to get in the middle - maybe you need to talk to your husband about it.

Its always hard to be in the middle but this is really not up to you to help with... also wouldnt he be upset she told others first and not him that they are pregnant?
Very difficult situation!
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Andie View Drop Down
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Points: 3614 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2007 at 10:50am

Yeeck... I think I'd go with something along the lines of doing TONS of listening and very little advice-giving!!  You could even just say that you don't want to give 'advice' or an opinion because you're not in her shoes so you just don't know.  Good luck!
Andie
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