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Glow 
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Location: Waikato
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 Topic: Etiquette Qs
Posted: 24 December 2008 at 10:22am |
This is more of a rambling rant than anything
But is it still the norm to take a gift for the birthday child if you have been invited to their party?
Brae had his 4th birthday party at McDs the other day with 10 of his mates. 2 of them belong to a.. well I would of thought a good-ish friend of mine but...
I offer the 3 of them a ride up to Mc Ds (we dont have 1 in Oto & the nearest is 25kms away) in our new ppl mover. Coz Im nice!
Basically this family didnt even get him ANYTHING! for his birthday 
We go to another Party the following day & the same family are also invited, they give a present to THAT birthday child 
So is it how much you like them & how much they do for you as to wheather you get them a present or not?
As you can tell it has kinda peeved me 
These kids come & play at my house often, we do lots of cool crafts & baking etc. And the little toads want to take all my cool paper etc home. The have also wrecked several expensive things ie ripped out telephone wires from the wall causing a huge repair bill.
I also hate how I make contact & ask if the kids what to come play etc, get txted back "yep we will" then they dont show up!! Its not so much me, I think coz I already know their are RUDE people out there but for my boys how do I deal with let down form others?
Im not even going to bother with them now!!
I know I have said we will do some cool stuff over the Hols BUT the can go to HELL!!! See how they like it
Cant always be nicey nicey!
Ending on a happy note
Merry Christmas All!!!
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Mummy of Two Boys
B: 2004
K: 2007
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 10:37am |
Hey Glow
Although it is the norm I don't expect people to give Michaela gifts on her birthday, even party guests, and it wouldn't annoy me if people didn't bring Michaela presents. In fact I think it's a good lesson for her to learn not to always expect gifts from everyone IYKWIM.
I know birthdays can get very expensive especially if you have several to go to. Maybe with the other birthday party the next day and Christmas just days away your friend was feeling stretched and she felt that since you and she are close you would understand if she couldn't afford to bring a gift for Brae.
If I was in her situation I would have explained myself to you but maybe she's too embarrased.
As far as the children destroying your property and her making plans with you and then standing you up that would really annoy me and like you I would stop making plans with them if chances are they're not going to show anyway or they're going to wreck your things if they do show. Have you spoken to your friend about any of this?
ETA: When my Uncle was about 6 he had friends over for his birthday and one little boy didn't bring a birthday present and my Uncle got upset with him. My Grandma sent him to his room for being selfish and continued the birthday party with the little boy who hadn't bought a present treated as the guest of honour.
Edited by MrsMojo
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lilfatty
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:04am |
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Umm Im kind of old fashioned (well since Im old I have an excuse)
And I would purchase a gift for the birthday boy/girl if I was attending their birthday party.
Gosh I send gifts to kiddies when Im not going to their party lol (although those are kiddies I "feel" close too).
Now in saying that .. I have a job .. and DH and I are far from poor (even though we are on one income and get zilch help from the government), so it probably wouldnt stretch us to purchase (or make) a small gift.
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I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  LFs weight blog
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:06am |
I'm the same Julia, I always take a gift but I don't expect people to reciprocate IYKWIM. I think that giving is much more rewarding than getting (although I enjoy getting too   )
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lilfatty
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:12am |
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Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months)
I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year LFs weight blog
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Glow
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:35am |
Thanks, I totally get what you mean about not expecting anything! Just broke my heart the conversation I had with Brae after C's Party
Luckily he didnt say anything in public LOL
Im all for giving, we even had a truffle stint in our kitchen, we packaged them all up & took them to the old folks home to give out. The boys & the oldies LOVED it!
I dont know how to deal with this tho... I mean I dont want him turning into a doormat just to be popular IYGWIM. There is only so much giving you can do before it starts eating you away or others start taking liberties
Jo I have mentioned a few issues to my mate but she just tends to shrug it off & say " Kids aye?" 
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Mummy of Two Boys
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:45am |
 Glow wrote:
I dont know how to deal with this tho... I mean I dont want him turning into a doormat just to be popular IYGWIM. There is only so much giving you can do before it starts eating you away or others start taking liberties
Jo I have mentioned a few issues to my mate but she just tends to shrug it off & say " Kids aye?" |
It doesn't sound like she's much of a friend at all so it would be no loss to you if you stopped inviting her over and hanging out with her and her kids. That's what I would do.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 11:51am |
Well I think its rude to go to a childs party and not bring a gift. My kids are too young to 'expect' gifts but we always give gifts. If we don't know the birthday child that well we don't spend as much but I mean the $2 has pretty good things in there.
Happy birthday Brae 
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Kellygirl
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 12:31pm |
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I think it is rude to attend a children's birthday party and not bring something. It doesn't always have to be a bought gift it could be something as simple as a homemade card that the kids helped with.
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marielb
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 1:25pm |
I usually write on our invites "No presents please". The boys have soooo much stuff that I really don't need them getting anymore! Some of my friends listen, others don't. I would love it to be a rule that we don't get anyone anything but I'm sure it isn't going to work that way and as some of the others said, you can pick up something for a couple of bucks nowadays! I used to buy for some of my friends kids at Xmas too, but that got waaay too expensive so we kicked that in the butt this year.
So, thats my story.....
Going back to yours, I think its stink that they didn't bring a present for your son, but did give a gift to the birthday person the following day. Thats really sad  I don't know how you can 'fix' the situation but if you are really upset, maybe you can say something to your friend??
Happy birthday to Brae 
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caliandjack
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 1:40pm |
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I think its rude, if you are invited to a birthday party, I expect to take a gift, even if its just something small like a card, and something from the $2 shop, its the gift of giving.
Who paid for the McDonalds?
Usually the birthday kids' mother has gone to a lot of trouble to put the party on, I see giving a gift as a thank you to her and and for being invited.
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Glow
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 2:42pm |
Yea, my thoughts exactly. No loss to me!
Aww thanks for the birthday wishes for Brae
I paid for the Mc Ds
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Kellygirl
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 2:42pm |
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Well said, mrsg1.
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 6:08pm |
I think it is really rude to do that give to one and not the other.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Glow
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 7:53pm |
Well I got a suprise ...
They turned up earlier today with a gift for Brae 
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pomikiwi
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Posted: 24 December 2008 at 8:14pm |
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I would personally always take a gift and I know my friends would always do the same for DD. But she's not yet 3 so all her little friend etc our our friends kids. It maybe a different story when she's at school, but I would always take something to a childs birthday.
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DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06
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Etiquette Qs
