SAYING NO..and feeling bad?

hey ladies

Im friends with a solo mother (we met through creche)
we used to arrange play dates for her son and our daughter on occasions.. and babysat for one another maybe once every six weeks or so...

then we got a bit closer and i started sharing a ride with her to work and back. She had free car parking and i would give her petrol money every week. Then it all started...

i was looking after her son up to 3-4 times in one week. i felt bad as she did take me to work every day etc.. i was also looking after him till 10.30pm when i was in the early weeks of pregnancy which really took its toll..
She is doing very well for a solo mum.. she has hockey and touch practice 3 times a week, a hockey game on a sunday and then of course going out drinking on a saturday night. She only has me, the neighbour and a cousin to rely on.

DH has stepped in and said a big no from now on... He cant stand the little boy as he never listens and destructs every thing in his sight. (he walked up to the tv once and just decided to push it off the cabinet) let alone helping someone while they go out and get p***d every weekend.

the last few weekends shes asked me to look after him again (always at the last minute) and ive been busy and said no. never get a reply like "thanks anyway". she then lost her free carpark so i started going halves with everything (petrol, carparking) on the days i needed a ride.

today i got a ride with her and as soon as i got to work she'd emailed to ask if i could look after him for the night on thursday as she has to go away for work. Ive been honest this time and said i simply cant handle two screaming 4 year olds on my own (DH works shift work) and i have to pack for my trip away..
no reply...

im feeling really guilty and uncomfortable now and really dont want to be in the car with her this evening.. its not like i can avoid her from now on because our children are at the same creche..

what on earth do i do?

This is what I'd do if it were me:

I'd say to her something like.. I don't think I can look after "whatever his name is" so often now. I'm just at the stage in my pregnancy where I need to take it easy. I'm getting run down etc from running after my own lil one. Feel free to ask me, but please don't expect I'll be able to look after him.

ETA: If she gets grumpy about it, its really her problem. And if she can't just accept that then shes not really your friend and is just using you for your childminding ability IMO

Edited by kebakat

we dont socialise or do anything together so yeah, we arent really friends. just two parents who return favours.

im kinda scared to ask her for a ride home today now...

I can definately bus, its a few dollars extra a week, no biggie at all. its just that i kept running into her and she kept asking why i was bussing and not getting a ride with her..

it was funny as the week i bussed in, i didnt get asked to babysit!

Yes you should say no you dont want to look after him now

You shouldn't feel obliged to look after him and shouldn't feel bad for saying no. Just be straight up, she'll find another childminder if you keep saying no.

If she put as much effort into raising her own child as she did to socialising maybe he wouldn't be such a handful to babysit!

I think she probably thinks because shes doing you a favour by taking you to work then she can ask for a favour in return. I think if you don't want to babysit anymore you need to find alternative transport.

Glad it seens to have worked out well