Not sure how much longer I can take this

Hi Anna, I've been meaning to get onto posting some thoughts on here for a while but knew it would be long... so sorry it's been a while.

Have you been able to rule out reflux? and silent reflux? (Silent reflux means the baby is not necessarily pukey but still has a sore tummy like with reflux).

You say she flings her body around but doesn't seem to be crying with pain. She's not settling when you just hold her though. So what does your gut instinct tell you she's wanting? Is she hungry? Do you feed her during the night? From my experience a 6mo will want 0-2 feeds during the night especially if there is a growth spurt going on. Is she on solids at all? What are her daytime sleeps like?

I'm not a huge CIO (cry it out) fan, but when all seems to be well and a baby is still not settling, I view it as my only option. Have you tried going in to her, speaking soothingly, offering her bottle/breast (sorry I don't know what she's on), and when she seems to be full (whether she has any or not), lay her down and say goodnight. She will probably cry - she's used to you holding her until she falls asleep - but if you listen carefully, it will first elevate and then by 10 mins it should be pausing or starting to lessen. If she hasn't fallen asleep (or nearly) in about 20 minutes then something else is wrong. But if the crying is coming and going with longer pauses in between, she's ok.


Briona had silent reflux until 3mos but we spent the next 3mos teaching her to fall asleep First I went to Plunket and watched their sleep video. That helped me to see her tired signs during the day because it's generally easier to get into good sleep habits during the day, I don't know why but the evening is hardest Then when she was tired, because I really hated CIO, I held her and rocked her and sang to her until she was almost asleep, then lay her in her cot, patting/stroking her and keeping on singing, softer and softer until she did fall asleep. It took ages. I think I did it for almost a month and the "sessions" were about 1/2 hour at a time But it was enough to convince me that she *could* go to sleep by herself and she was okay, and I was able to go onto CIO after then.

Hope something in all that helps you. No wonder you are feeling like a wreck! Let us know how you get on.

Thanks to all of you lovely ladies for replying!!

I think part of our problem is that we are living in a teeny house, Kaia sleeps in our room and Quinn wakes up when she hollers so that stresses me out too! We are looking for somewhere else to live at the moment so I am hoping things get easier when she is in her own room.

She is a reflux baby, the doc has been playing around with her meds to find something that works. I feel that she doesn't wake up in pain tho, it is not a pain cry. It is more like an angry yell. Apparently the natropath up the road from us is great so we will take a trip up there.

I tried not feeding her at night but that really didn't work for us. She still has a bottle at night and maybe we'll look at weaning her off that one when we move. It does frustrate me when I wake up, feed her and she still won't settle. She doesn't ever have a really sleepy period, she doesn't nap for longer than half an hour during the day so it is not even like she is getting too much sleep during the day.

I think one of the things that really gets to me in all of this is the beating that my ego is taking. I feel like I should be able to help her but can't and that frustrates me. The other thing that I find really hard in this is that (disclaimer: I love my mum) my two main support people are useless. Andy has even less of a clue what to do that me and my mother says helpful things like "i would help you if i had the time but i don't so just hang in there". My in laws are amazing but they live a couple of hours away.

My MIL is ordering us a gogobag today (yay for her! Did you know they are $180 each! OMG!) so at least she won't be able to kick off the blankets.

Oh cr@p, what a loooong post. Well done for any of you that made it this far! Keep you fingers crossed for my sanity!

Oh, and I had two glasses of wine last night! That REALLY helped! The headache this morning, not quite so great! Honestly, who gets a hangover from two glasses of wine?!

I think that it stinks that your support people aren't being supportive!  No insult to them intended, as they may not realise how much you need some help with all this (as would anyone in your shoes) or what they can do to help.  I wonder if your DH could go in with you to a plunket family centre, to discuss the sleep problems?  If he's there, and hears the plunket worker's concern for you and for Kaia, he might 'get it' a bit more, and if the worker suggests ways he can help (like taking over all baby-settling duties 2 nights a week or something) he might be more likely to take it up.  Why is it that when we suggest it ourselves it's a stupid idea, but someone else does and it makes a bit of sense?!? 

Try and go easy on yourself - I think that sounds like a lot of stress to put up with, and I think you're doing an amazing job. 

As an ex karitane, they should never have closed the old Karitane Hospitals where we used to sort out babies who were bad sleepers a
May be they should have a mothercraft unit in Auckland like in Hamilton
The family centres are only open during the day and you Mums have problems with your cute bubbas at night time