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Bombshell 
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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 Posted: 23 April 2008 at 9:30pm |
yeah and by the way DH wont go downstairs in the nudie rudie or in just undies in case mum sees him....LOL....imagine the invasion of privacy you would have when you dont even like the woman!!!!
just trying to help your side of argument....
BTW - if there is only one kitchen who will cook etc...how would you structure it...we have nights where i cook for me and DH - and we have something mum wont eat (butter chicken, nachos etc), mum and him have their heap of onion nites etc...but that is a hard one - sharing a kitchen...mums pet peeve is dishes - how bout your MIL???
laundry - what if it rains and it piles up....???
who gets to park in a garage, where in the drive - look we lost out to mum on that one! ugh...and other garage is filled with our crap!
people over for dinner etc....the ILs will be around...you cant ask them to leave...mum always got on with my friends etc, she is a fantastic cook - we let her stay around LOL! but can see it might be crushing for you and DH to "socialise" with them hanging around the house too????
bill sharing - power etc...will increase and how will it be split, names on bills etc, phone calls into the house etc....
just a few ideas to start your conversation with him.... 
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my4beauties
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: NZ
Points: 6264
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 10:17pm |
Basically they want to take one of the bedrooms and the garage, which already has a toilet in it, and renovate so they have like a 1 brm unit. I guess they'll put a shower in and a kitchen, so they're saying that their living will be seperate. But it's still too close to my liking.
When I woke up this morning it was silent. I realised (after having lived with them pre-babies), that there wouldn't be that early morning silence, as they are early risers and SFIL likes to have his music up loud in the mornings. I know I could ask that this doesn't happen, but they still would create noise. I know also that once the kids wake up, and if DH and i are still in bed, they would want to be going to their part and it wouldn't ever be that we have seperate lives. I would have to call out/go and get them back, when we're ready for breakfast, or just to get them back into our area. I would constantly have that to deal with. And MIL would feed them whenever the kids went to their part, and I wouldn't have much control there when it comes to them eating. I don't want to make all these petty rules up with what they can and can't do with the kids!! If we live totally seperately, I won't have too!
The fact they want to take the garage is very annoying. We already have 3 vehicles and they have 2, and not much driveway space. So all our vehicles will be cramped on the drive and we'd forever be saying "can you move your car so we can get out" etc etc.
But I've totally decided that it's just not going to happen. I haven't stressed about it today, as I know I couldn't live like that, and I'm not going to put myself through it.
I just can't wait to hear what DH has decided, and whether or not he will understand my side and agree that it won't be good for our family, or if he disagrees. 
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) 
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scarecrowfarm
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 10:26pm |
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Here's my thoughts. They own the house so you can't stop them moving into the house. It's theirs and they have the right to do that. I'm betting they don't even realise they're the IL's from hell, they might even think they're doing you a favour by having you stay there. And of course they probably like the idea of being very close to the grandkids.
What you can do however is move out. Sure your husband doesn't want to, but work out a way to make him want to. Make him think it was his idea to do it also and that way he won't blame you for it if he doesn't like it. I'm sure you'll find something that will push the right button.
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Robyn
www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz
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my4beauties
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Location: NZ
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 9:22am |
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Oh I'm not saying it's not their right to do this, but they called and asked if it would be ok for them to do this. If this is something they decide to go ahead with, I'm moving out. I know all MIL wants is to live with her grandchildren.
Also, just incase you didn't read the earlier posts Robyn, the original agreement was that we could live in this house permanently, and when they moved back to town, they would find a small unit for themselves. I wouldn't have moved from our other house, if I knew they a) wanted to move back in so soon or b) they wanted to move IN with us!
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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yummymummy
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 9:44am |
 Italiah wrote:
The rent is more expensive here than our old place as well....
...Yes they can renovate it, being that it's their place. |
Sorry I'm a bit confused - is the place rented or owned? Or do you pay rent to MIL?
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scarecrowfarm
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 9:53am |
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I didn't see the 'permanently' part sorry. But yeah, I think you'll need to work your feminine wiles on your DH so that you will move out. I don't think you'll be happy in that situation, in fact I know you won't.
Just another thought, if you guys did move out, would that mean your IL's would be less interested in moving in. Maybe even the hint of it might make them look elsewhere.
Is there a way you can say to your IL's (Perhaps SFIL) that you never envisaged living with your IL's when you got married and you don't believe it is an ideal situation. It's your belief that as extended family will get on a lot better when they're not living in each other's pockets. Try and approach it from a positive angle where you will all get on better together so you don't look like the enemy in this situation, but the person playing the happy families card. If they're smart enough, they'll realise you're right.
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Robyn
www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz
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my4beauties
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 10:20am |
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yummymummy, Yes we moved from a rented place, into here and pay rent to Dh's parents.
Robyn, I told SFIL that we would move out if they wanted their place back (to save them having to renovate and save myself from living with them), but he said it's fine for us to stay. I do think though that if we told them we were moving out if they want to renovate and live here as well, they wouldn't do it. I just wish they did just tell us to move (which I'd still be pi$$ed off with being that they've changed our agreement from when we moved in), rather than try to weasel their way back into the place and live with us.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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scarecrowfarm
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 11:27am |
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I think that might be part of your problem. You're letting them know you'd move out to save them having to renovate. That's probably a side issue to them and they probably still think they're playing the nice in-laws card. They probably think you're just trying to save them doing it up which they don't mind doing anyway by the sounds of things.
I think you need to be straight up with them and let them know you don't think it's a good idea to be living with extended family and either they have the house or you do. Ideally your husband should be doing that job, but sounds like he doesn't see it as much of an issue yet.
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Robyn
www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz
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my4beauties
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 1:24pm |
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Well I told Dh my thoughts and he said he knew i wouldn't like the idea. Even though he sounded like he himself knew I wouldn't agree, he too wouldn't want to live like that. So he said he would talk to them as I quote "he knows how to handle his mother". I told him to make sure he doesn't put it that it's all ME not wanting it to happen, it's a family agreement.
They absolutely do not want us to move, but I can see MIL trying to weasle her way in to live with the grandkids and she's trying to make it sound like it's the only option. Dh said there is ALWAYS other options and he will make a few suggestions to them. They are smart people and KNOW they don't have to do this in order to move back to town, but I think MIL is seeing how far she can go with suggesting this. She's tried to sugar-coat the proposal by saying they could even pay all the power, but it doesn't make any difference to me.
Anyway, I'm glad I've finally got my decision off to chest to Dh and that he was fine with what I have said. Now he just has to talk to them about it and find out what their next plan is in regard to living back here.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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scarecrowfarm
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Posted: 25 April 2008 at 2:20pm |
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Sounds great, and I'm glad your DH is on board now. I'll be honest, there is no way I'd want to live with my IL's even if they owned the house and it was a big house. I'd want my space and I'd want my privacy. I wouldn't want my parents living here for that matter either.
Obviously when they get to geriatric status things might need to change out of necessity, but until then, no thanks.
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Robyn
www.scarecrowfarm.co.nz
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Feel so trapped!
