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emz 
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 Topic: Ok so this PND in men thing..
Posted: 23 April 2008 at 4:09pm |
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Pretty sure DH might have it. Won't go into details but things have been pretty hard of late with finances and me coming off my meds, plus juggling his hate for his job and me working part-time at nights. We barely see each other etc etc.
Aside from meds, talking (he's not that type), what can I do to help him? Noone is going to magically come and give us 10k (which we need to be out of the pickle we're in) and I refuse to go out and work and put Jack in care (personal choice, not taking a dig at anyone that does choose to do this). Any tips for a happier hubby? We've basically got another 2-3 years before we can live comfortably. And to give you an indication on how broke we actually are, DH gets $20 a week spending money IF I can find it somewhere (usually means I don't get anything). It's tough, but we made our bed, and now we have to lie in it.
So, any tips to make hubby happy in the meantime? Or help him get some perspective? He's not a very rational person at the best of times so I've got to be really subtle with anything I do.
Oh, and PS would love to have read the article in the mag but that may have to wait!
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 23 April 2008 at 5:05pm |
Emz, the article is me and DH so I have some first hand knowledge of this. I would say wait till you have read the mag, coz there is heaps of stuff in the article that can help you out. And failing that if you have anymore questions after you have read the article PM and I can so try and help you out.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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surfergirl
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Posted: 23 April 2008 at 5:26pm |
 No suggestions sorry Em, just a big hug (and coffee and sympathy if you need it!)
E xx
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mum2paris
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Posted: 23 April 2008 at 7:44pm |
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hhhm not too many suggestions, BUT there is a thread that was in the coping with PND forum on here that was started that a few of us shared alot of details about coping etc. hope you find what you're looking for.
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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emz
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Posted: 23 April 2008 at 8:22pm |
Oh I forgot about that thread Janine, ta.
Becks, thanks for the offer, will do sometime.
Esther - I knew you were still around somewhere!  I'll PM you at some stage as I wanna catch up for coffee with some of you girls as the time we met was about 2 years ago!
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surfergirl
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Posted: 23 April 2008 at 9:07pm |
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Em - LOVE to meet up. I'm sure Dal will be keen too!
E xx
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Rachael21
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 10:59am |
Emz I've so been there.
Ben is not a talker either and wouldn't even answer the questions to be in the article. Ben also wouldn't take any meds but I tricked him into taking st Johns wort and that has helped a lot. How is he with Jack? Ben got a lot better once our Jack was a bit bigger and could actually show he wanted to play with Ben. Maybe you could do some free things just the three of you (like picnics at the park?) sometimes just getting out of the house can help. Does he have any hobbies? maybe encourage them? Also I'm not sure what your finances are like but have you sat down and made a budget?
Remember to take care of yourself as well. When Ben started getting better I started going down because it was like all this time I had to be the strong one and then all of a sudden I didn't anymore.
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 11:38am |
 RachandJack wrote:
Remember to take care of yourself as well. When Ben started getting better I started going down because it was like all this time I had to be the strong one and then all of a sudden I didn't anymore. |
Yep best peice of advice there, I said this in the mag article.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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aimeejoy
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 12:05pm |
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Emz, do you want me to send you my second mag?
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Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
Greer 11/02/08
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emz
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 12:32pm |
You don't have to do that aimeejoy, its so lovely that you thought of me though! Postage is way too expensive these days
RachandJack - he is good with Jack but struggles when I'm out (I work at night) if Jack is cranky. He has no faith in himself as his father was not exactly a good (or any sort of) role model as either a husband or father. His hobbies are Xbox (which drives me nuts but its cheap so thats fine) and cars (which aren't cheap!), also shooting but its too expensive to get away to do that now. We're on a very strict budget and have done quite well (if I do say so myself) with the little we have.
I talked to him last night and just said (as I didn't want to be too abrupt): What can I do to make you happier? But typical man, said 'more money' which isn't going to work, and then said 'turn the electric blankets on so the bed is warm'. And thats it. I think I'm just going to have to try and be the real optimistic one for a while.
Thanks for the advice about taking care of myself. I'm really lucky that my mum will notice signs in me (Dad has depression too) and tell me if I need to go back on the meds. She's good at making sure I'm drugged up if I need to be! (Just kidding )
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WRXnKids
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 12:55pm |
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oh man i would so give you my spare copy but already offered it to a mate crap if i have gotten a chance to read mine ill lend you my copy at the AN catch up and get it back off you next time im up. Ill have to make a note so i remember to pack it tonight
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Chovynz
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 8:19pm |
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Try this.
Put on your best lingerie. Tell him you have it on at the first time you see him. Don't talk about anything in depth. Just sit with him and enjoy being with him. Having snacks or something would help. Maybe buy a small nice cheese. Share it with him on crackers.
Make mad passionate love. If he doesn't want to...tease him and then suddenly stop and say ok! tomorrow then!
For the long run, find things to encourage him with. Think about the things you like about him (try not to go the opposite...find good things) and tell him. Give gifts that he will like.
Does he need a night out with guys? try giving him that time (specifically mention that you want to give him some time out to do whatever with whoever.)
Maybe you guys could rework the budget, so that he's got 5, 10,or 15 a week constantly instead of 20 sporadically. That will help him feel a bit more stable if it's regular. Most guys like routine. I reckon 10 constant is better than maybe possibly 20 occasionally.
Massages help. Give him a shoulder massage (if he lets you) without talking to him.
DW says: Build your own support network so that when you feel frustrated you can offload to your girlfriends instead of onto him. And then you two can sort out how you'll go forward, and leave the venting to your friends.
Edited by Chovynz
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Defending the male species since 1980 
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emz
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 8:44pm |
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Thanks Chovy!
I've decided as of today that when the pay comes in, I put our spending money straight into our spending account, so that no matter what we get to have some 'us' money. I think it's what we need to do to keep ourselves a bit more sane at the moment. And luckily I'm savvy enough with money that anything that crops up can be dealt with one way or the other.
I always try to get DH to go out with the boys, it's weird he doesn't like to anymore for some reason. And its not just since having bubs so I don't know what thats about. Although when the girls go to the movies, the guys work on their cars or play Xbox together (there are 3 couples that all get on really well).
I feel so bad for him, he's getting shafted at work (the army, what do you expect) and is working 6 days this week including the 3am wakeup for anzac day and sunday night. Then he goes away for 4-6 weeks as of the end of next week and we were only told yesterday.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 24 April 2008 at 9:11pm |
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I'm not sure what the options are for army men but is it possible to take a month or so off on sick leave (and go on the sickness benefit)???
Chovynz had some really great ideas, I used to complain to Ben about issues I had but all it did was make him worse. Sometimes it helps just to be with them and say nothing important and just have a good old laugh.
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Ok so this PND in men thing..
