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Snappy 
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 Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:57am |
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Sure is. I cant do anything but give him what I can. I cant take him and keep him. His first three years are the most important years of his life, and how he feels in those first three years will have an affect on the rest of his life. I have him every day, so if I can give him some happiness Im sure its going to make a difference.
Its just super frustrating, but its reality really. You cant save the world I guess.
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Hopes
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:01am |
It just seems so unfair. We've been trying so long to have a child, and I'd do most anything to have one - and others who are lucky enough to have them choose to buy ciggies over nappies for the baby,
I know there are women all over the world who feel this way - it's nothing new and life isn't fair, we know that. But... 
Edited by Hopes
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Snappy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:09am |
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Yes hopes, thats exactly how I feel. My blood is actually boiling, because it is very unfair.
It brings me so much sadness and I get so damned worked up about the fact that there is NOTHING i can do. I have bought these nappies, but whats going to happen next week?
My boss said to me today that I just have to let this all go, I cant "have him". And I need to realise there are people out there that make their lives everyone elses problem, and we cant judge them, because we dont know what kind of lives they have had. I said "well im not judging, I am purely telling you what I am dealing with here, no nappies, and no clean clothes." Grrr. Anyway shes finally agreed to get in touch with CYFS, so I feel a bit better.
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GuestGuest
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:23am |
Well done for helping out, it sounds like a sad situation but also very common. I don't understand why people can't provide the necessities for their children when that is what social welfare is put in place for. I am sick of people saying that they don't have enough money to feed and clothe their children but are smoking and drinking and buying takeaways instead  makes me so angry.
Actually this topic reminded me of the Telethon that is coming up. The charity is KidsCan which provides the neccesities of life to financially disadvantaged children. The website says that they provide raincoats to children for example as many don't have one because "they can't afford it". I also don't understand this. If you really want to give your child a raincoat you can! You can go to a second hand shop like the Salvation Army and pick one up for next to nothing! There is no reason why a child should have to go without in this country. (rant over)
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my4beauties
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:33am |
Aww Kaiz, this is such a hard situation for you!! And I'm sure you didn't sign up to work for P**** to deal with this.
Kids shouldn't go without in this country - it's the parents that make bad (and selfish) decisions with their money that makes the children go without.
I don't know what this boy's mother is thinking - does she really think it's your place to be buying her son the basic necessities? Is there noone else she can go too; family, friends etc? Surely there are other people in her life that can help her out.
And also, knowing who you work for, does she not think you're going to tell your employers what is going on, and that it could end up that her son is taken out of her care permanantly?
I hope soooo sooo much that CFYS sort this out, and this boy's basic needs are able to be met, without you having to provide them for him. I think they need to take so much out of her benefit a week and buy enough nappies and food just for the boy, and she can go without for a change.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) 
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Snappy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:33am |
DHs friends son received a jacket from the Kidscan scheme, and they were told by the school that they had to give them back at the end of term 
I agree, this little boy doesnt even have shoes that fit, they are 2 sizes too big. Usually he wears these slippers with flowers on I had mentioned something about not being able to do things with him outside, so now we have shoes (yay) but they are too big.
But I have to keep reminding myself, that "at least" he has shoes, right?
And even though she gives him raw noodles to eat, he is still being fed, right?
I think I need to have a big think about my job and whether I should be letting this boy go, I seem to be getting too involved and too emotionally attached. I think im going to end up hurting way to much!
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monkey33
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:54am |
Oh my goodness this is so sad and makes me so angry You are being very kind and should not feel in the least bit guilty.
I would completely be the same in your situation when buying the nappies (I am so angry that someone would drop him off like that) but if you continually help her out, before you know it you will be funding his entire wardrobe and meals each week
I think it is great that you have told your boss and I really really hope that something is done to help this little boy asap!
Good luck and keep us updated.
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jazzy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 1:28pm |
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She has money for herself, but not her child.
What does she do when you look after the child???
Maybe she needs a scare, you should make a record of everything, at the end of the day it is the child’s welfare that is important.
I get feed up with bad, lazy, selfish parents.
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kiwisj
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 1:48pm |
Some people really need a good kick up the bum. How can you have money for smokes and pokies but not nappies for your child?
I suppose though, what this woman really needs is budgeting, cooking and general "home economics" lessons. If you don't know how to cook then it's easy to buy takeaways and think you're doing the right thing. If you don't even know that there used to be such a thing as cloth nappies, then I suppose it wouldn't occur to you to improvise.
It makes my blood boil though, when people don't even seem to TRY to do the best for their kids
Kaiz, I think you're in a really difficult situation and I really don't envy you. I'm glad your boss has agreed to get in touch with CYFS, you shouldn't be having to deal with this on your own.
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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jazzy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 2:06pm |
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kaiz, I think you need to report this.
Is a child not entilited to clothes that fit? food that is good? to be looked after? And to be loved???
If the mother can not do it then someone out there will.
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Babe
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 2:57pm |
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I'd be keeping a record of what was going on and reporting the mother to CYFS.
The DPB is definitely enough to cover costs, food and extras. If she can't figure out how to pay for everything then refer her to a budgeting service. There is no excuse to have your child in that state in NZ and raw noodles is NOT a meal for a tot - its barely food.
If you threaten her with CYFS then she may take her kid somewhere else so I'd just report her. That poor baby!!
WINZ provides food grants, grants to help clothe your child, furniture grants, etc. Yeah they can be a**wipes but they do help people on the DPB (I was a WINZ caseworker AND I've been on the DPB). Take photos to include in your report chick.
Grrrr....
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Snappy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 3:11pm |
CYFS have been involved with this boys life, so i have been told i have to leave it up to them to make the decisions on his wellbeing. he is seen by them day in day out apparently.
DH is super mad with me for buying the nappies now 
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Babe
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 3:43pm |
Tell DH compassion is a very good trait to have 
Poor little baby! I'm so glad my children don't have that life!!!
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monkey33
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 5:58pm |
I see why your DH is mad but what are you honestly supposed to do, leave him in a dirty nappy in your home for the whole day? I'm sure he would have done the same if he was in your position.
I agree with babe - take photos of things and definitely take a record of everything that he is not being provided and what you observe.
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kiwisj
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:02pm |
Kaiz, don't feel bad for buying the nappies. Monkey is right, what else were you meant to do really? It's unfortunate that the mother obviously realises this too but tell DH to cut you some slack
I agree with the others, I would be writing down as much as poss and even taking photos if you think that's appropriate.
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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Snappy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:10pm |
He said that as her contract states she must provide nappies, then technically i should not have had him today and i should have refused to take him, due to her breaching her contract
i was a big girl and didnt give her the packet back, at least.
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shadowfeet
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:25pm |
Use the rest for tomorrow, when he turns up like that again *grr*
I just can't believe how parents can do that to a kid. What's she doing while her kids in childcare (from what I've read I assume you're a carer), and she's on the benefit?
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Snappy
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:59pm |
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He is deaf, but can hear with hearing aids (when mum puts them on!) and is really behind developmentally. Mum is deaf too, but has no hearing, so all of his life he has never been around language. He is 3 in november, and can only say basic words. So I am paid to give him one-on-one care, expose him to language etc. He is not used to groups of people due to mum being so isolated.
I really dont know much else. Mum does nothing during the day. The government pays due to his high needs and things.
Edited by kaiz231
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Hopes
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Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:58pm |
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I'm glad the goverment pays - as well as getting some stimulation, he gets some love and care from you. I'm happy for my tax dollars to go there (although mad at the Mum for not doing her bit!!)
This made me remember a little boy I went to school with when I was five. We always used to tease him because he was smelly. Now I think back... it's hardly a five-year-olds fault if he smells! His parents lived nearby and I saw them a bit - I don't think they ever said a nice thing to him in my hearing. He always used to snuggle up to the teacher at story time, and us kids would tease him frightfully, but he'd still do it - poor thing must have been that desperate for love. Kids can be so cruel - I hope 'your' little boy gets a better deal when he does to school.
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