Dilemma/Heated discussions

Yep you guessed it....RETURNING TO WORK

Here goes....
JK and I are going to sit down and talk about this on the weekend and sort out what we are going to do but anyway...I am due to return to work "full time" in April after Easter, Lycan will be 10 months old and i thought that this would be a good time to return.....but as time gets closer i feel im not ready to leave him ...but that's not my biggest prolem....

I have had many discussions some heated with a family member about putting Lycan into day care all day from (7am - 5pm) her point is: Why would you return to work put your son in day care for someone else to raise. All you'll be doing is making money to pay for child care when you can stay home and raise him yourself. Why would you sacrifice beinging with your child for money...

This really upsets me (as it would alot of working mothers) because i would love to be able to stay home and be with him 24/7 but there are reasons for me returning to work and Yes money plays a big part in that. I would love to be able to give Lycan everything he needs and to do that we need money. But also i want to give him a brother or sister in he next year or two and currently we cannot afford to have another child unless our financial position improves.

I had Andrew in Daycare at 5 months. He wasn't in fulltime but he was built up to fulltime care by the time he was 18 months old.

Your family member is nuts (sorry) its yours and your DH's decsion to sent your child to daycare. Its not like it is going to cost your your whole weeks wages to put him in care. I do know one daycare in Auckland that is a bit pricey (my friend is a head teacher there), but so long as the quality of care is good you should have anything to worry about. I gave Jess a website www.ero.govt.nz have a look at that to see the daycares in your area and what reviews they have.

I'm sure like many people it is a money issue that you have to return to work. I know I have to this year in about September and we will cross that road when we get to it.

I love Andrew's daycare (we went round most in Palmy before we settled on this one) and the have taught him so much. Much more than I think we would have taught him at home. Andrew is 2 and 8 months and for about 5 or so months he has been counting up to 10 by himself - something I don't think would of happened if he was at home with me everyday until he was closer to 4. He can sing the alphabet and heaps of other songs - some of which we know and sing with him but there are some that have come from daycare alone. Messy Play - kids need it, Lycan get to do this and you don't have to worry about the mess.

Andrew's social skills are very well developed as he has been around children his own age. There is a group of 4 boys all born within 6 days of each other that are at his daycare and they are the best of mates. The only other child Andrew knows out of daycare is his friend Holly and she is a dainty girl so his rough and tumble play isn't always good for her. So he has that with the boys at daycare.

Sorry long post, but I am a believer that daycare does not harm children it helps them.

I found that having a break from the boys made me a better mum and although I'm not working at present, plan to put both boys in daycare once a week as a break (and a chance to get everything done_)

Funnily enough, my SIL thinks I should put both boys in full-time daycare and get a job. Personal decision I say!

Also, I LOVED our daycare. they were fabulous and showed me some discipline techniques that we use on Jake AND stopped his biting phase.

I always thought i would be a SAHM, but with suprises things don't always work that way!, (nice surprises they are.. mostly!) Mum looked after PAris for 4 hours a week from when she was 3 weeks old for the first 5 months, and she went to daycare at 11 months old. by that time she was so shy because i didn't get out much, she would scream if anyone unfamiliar came into the room alot of the time and didn't warm to anyone. Through daycare she is now a happy sociable outgoing girl and it's so nice to see.
Ayja was in daycare at 11 weeks (again due to my study commitments) and whilei did have a few probs with sleeping times etc she is another outgoing happy wee girl.

You are not giving your child to someone else ot raise, you can still instill your morals etc and teach them about your family and all that when you are with him, It is nice for them to have someone they are close to and nothing will change that.. if anything , it might meant hat now they have another 1 or 2 or more adults that they have a secure bond with which is what helps them learn trust. I love that my 2 girls have a very close bond with their care-teacher, she looked after paris when she was a baby, and now looks after Ayja.. and we have known one another since we were 2.

It is hard to leave them, and yeah you miss them, but like Liz said, it is nice to have time away, and nice for them too, my girls go a little stir crazy if they are too long wihtout daycare.. ours does not open again till this thursday and Paris can't wait to get back to see her little friends.

If family cannot support you or offer help in the childcare department then they should shush their opinions.

james is in day care for two morings and one hole day and he loves it i puthim in for much the same reasons as lizzle and jannie and i have no regerts tell this person to mind her own and not worry about your son as he is well loved and cared for and thats all that matters

Harry was in creche from 3 months and Alex from 5 months. It is a lot easier to put one child in daycare especially financially as it makes it all worthwhile. With two, it is twice the cost plus a bit more full on getting everyone ready etc but being very organised helps that and I guess with the 3 and 4 years getting 20 hours child care that will help when you have two kids in creche.

My delimma at the moment is Harry who is now three talks to me about not wanting to go to creche anymore because no one will play with him or be nice to him. This really got me down but I spoke to the teachers today and they assured me that he was fine during the day but as it was holidays there weren't many kids there. That sort of made me better but it can be so hard. In fact (sorry, on a roll), drop off etc is a lot easier when they are younger

That looked like a RANT, and it kinda sorta was, I feel so stongly that it is NO ONE elses right to inflict their negative "opinions" about it when you are obviously struggling with a difficult decision. My brother is a hard line "womans place is in the home" type, and gave me the "benefit" of his wisdom while I was trapped in a vehicle with him for half an hour last week. When we got out, I was sooooo angry, I actually slapped his face. This is the same brother who is always broke with 2 kids to support.

I went back to work (not by choice) 3 days a week in my old job when Caitlin was 4 months old and am now working 4 days a week due to someone called "home loan" pinching all our cash

Deez, You know what a mess I was for ages after going back until I realised something very important...

It's not how much time you spend with your child but how you choose to spend the time you have with them.

Caitlin and I have all day Friday together, just the two of us. I don't do anything else except spend time with her, unless she's asleep, then I try to catch up with my mates on MSN (no housework, no chores nothing!)
I really appreciate the time we have together and know that I am working so that like you I can give her everything she needs including a stress-free happy family. I know if I didn't go back to work we would be really stressing over money and that's not the sort of environment I want to bring my daughter up in.

At the end of the day hun - the choice is totally yours. Only you know what is best for your family and your circumstances.