Single mum stigma...

I have never felt ashamed of being a single mother, and i get double the fun because despite being 26 , i look 15, so when people hear i have a 5 year old " ......5 ? you had her at .....ten??!! "
Occasionally i have had people look askance at me , or appear shocked, but i just laugh, if they think they have the right to judge me , when they don't know a thing about me, thats their problem.
I know im doing a good job ,and there are plenty of parents out there , couples, who are doing a worst job than i am.

i think there is a stigma and it somes from the assumption that all solo mums are on the DPB, and if "I am suporting you I should have a say in what you are spending my money on" - I remember in Pak N Save a few mums would come in - not obviously solo, but some older women would assume they were and sniff if they bought cigarettes, alcohol, lollies etc.

Yep Steph. Quite right. I think as a parent you are at the peak of judging and being judged - no matter what your circumstance.

Even though I have always had Mike, seeing as I was only 17 when I had Seb, especially when he was little, I had people ask me over and over "and are you still with the father?" It got to the point where I pretty much refused to go to town without Mike, so they would just stop asking such rude things! These days it doesn't bother me, I'm definately alot less self-conscious about the whole thing.

people can be amazingly rude with things they ask of strangers really , can't they ?

when i was pregnant with Caitlyn , and showing , i had one lady ask me if i had "considered abortion , because it was selfish me bringing a child into the world that i wouldn't be able to care for properly " i asked her why i wouldn't be able to care for her properly and she said because i was young .
I just smiled at her and said "have a nice day" and walked off, no more wasting my time on stupid ignorant people like that !

Speaking of rude people.. my little sis was injured (fractured pelvis) when pregnant with her DD and the injury worsened when pregnant with her DS.
She was by herself walking through the town centre one afternoon and tripped, lost her grip on her walking frame and collapsed in pain. She couldn't get near her walking frame which had scooted a few paces off and she couldn't get up.

She was there for a few minutes in intense pain trying to move when a older lady walked past and told her "that will teach you for drinking too much" and walked off leaving her where she was unable to help herself.

WTF?!! She had a major injury, not a drinking problem.

Some people are just too quick to judge, but most people aren't and those that are aren't worth bothering yourself over.

hi there :)
i'm a bit new to forums, i was looking to see if there were any other single mums out there that i could chat with, but i am glad i came across this topic.
i didn't find out that i was pregnant until i was 5 months - bizarre i know, but it happened (another thing i find i have to keep explaining to people) - and by that time the father was already long gone.
it's amazing how people assume to know your situation without really knowing you at all. in my experience so far i've found that most people are great about it - especially family :) however some people assume that there's something wrong with you (ha!) or that you really need their pity. i'll tell you right now, i don't any pity. my son is fantastic, i love him so so much and i am so so proud of him :) to be honest - and i know this sounds awfully hypocritical - but there are other kids out there that do have a mum and a dad that i feel so so sorry for (for many reasons).
the most common 'complaint' that i get from people is that my son is going to grow up without a father and maybe i should start looking for someone. sure it would be nice to someday have that loving, caring partner, but for goodness sake, i have much more important things to worry about than going out in search of prince charming to take care of me and my son. i study full time, and any spare DPB *gasp* money that's left over after rent etc goes towards getting my son the food he needs, paying for daycare and maybe some cheese (if we're lucky), i can't afford to go out and have fun like i used to! i have my brother and my dad there to sort out any manly stuff anyway.
i wish i was working, i miss it a lot, but i'm taking this opportunity to make sure that when i do go back to work, it's going to be something decent rather than going back to working random hours in the hospitality industry.
sorry to rant! but gosh it's good to finally vent some of that! thanks heaps :)

whoamama - story sounds remarkably similar to mine! I didn't find out til I was 4 months either. [differs a bit here!] The guy I thought was the dad wasn't and by the time the result was given I couldn't find the next possible candidate. Found him on Facebook after 2 years but haven't heard from him since I broke the news about the possibility that he fathered a child.

Anywayyy... I was studying when I got preg, continued on when I had Han and finished last year. Now I'm working in the area I wanna be in with potential to move on up in the world - I'm loving it.

Oh yeah, and I sorta still qualify as a single mum but I have a boy as well and he's alriiiight I suppose

Edited by nikkiwhyte