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nikkitheknitter 
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 Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:26pm |
Oh my gosh, she sounds horrible!!
To be honest, (and very easy from my position) you've got nothing to lose by telling her how upset her comments have made you. Either she'll react badly and you'll be justified in never staying with her again, or she might take some time to reflect on what she's been saying.
Sometimes they have a hard time working out that YOU are the parent and not them. It does get better as the kids get older and they realise that you aren't doing such a bad job afterall.
Anyway, you are doing a fab job Renee - don't doubt yourself at all 
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verity
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Joined: 29 June 2007
Location: wairarapa
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 2:38pm |
OMG!!!!! i know it's hard, but you have to say something!!!!
I mean no you really want a negative cow like that around your lil one!!!! infecting them with sh*t!!!!
she has serious problems, clearly a dumb cow, and thinks she knows it all..... i bet she was a horrible controlling mother.... your hubby needs to put his mother in her place, and if she is going to continue to undermind you as a mother then she isn't going to get be around his family...she needs to respect you and you have to demand it....write her a letter or phone her, but you have to stand up for you rights as a mother and woman.....
my MIL used to say some things, nothing like, more my mother!!!! and i just had enough and said, it's my life mind your buisness if i want your opinion i will ask!!
At the end of the day babe, you know in your heart that you two are doing a great job raising sam! and who cares what she thinks! leave her to her sad little life......
You are a mum now, and you must protect your child and family from those negative comments out there!! it's your child, your right, only you know what is right for them...you pushed it out!!!! the pain, the carrying it for 9months!!!
stay strong and just ignore the insecure cow!!!!! but stand together and tell her!!!! to Piss off!!!!!!
good luck babe....... sam looks lovely...... happy......well done...enjoy
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.Mel
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Location: Orewa
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 3:55pm |
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Mate that's just not on - it sounds to me like she's jealous, and her way of dealing with it, is to be a b*tch to all of those around her. I also feel that she doesn't like not being in control. From what you said, you were very clear with her, on what Sam needed and when, and she deliberatly ignored you, hence the dirty nappies etc.
One thing I was wondering while reading your post, where was your partner when all of this was happening? Does he stand up to his mum? Defending his family, from her malicious comments, because that's what they were.
I think she needs to be sent to time out - meaning that you don't see her for awhile... a very long while! Stay away, and get back to being the happy thriving family that you have been.
Or the other option is to have it out with her with the full support of your partner, if you don't have his support don't go there.
Take a look at your little boy and see how wonderful he is; that's testimony that you are doing the right thing by him. That's what's important.
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Maya
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 3:59pm |
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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AnnieB
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:21pm |
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Redbedrock
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Location: Wellington, New Zealand
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:24pm |
I am sometimes quite happy not to have any family in NZ 
Keep your chin up Renee, don't let her get to you
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Kels
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 4:54pm |
 Big hugs chicka and dont let that old bat make you feel like a bad mum. Your doing a great job with your wee man  She is definitely doing an AWFUL job is a Nana!
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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miss
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 5:46pm |
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That is awful. I think my Dh will go give her a bash for you, I just read your post to him and he was also horrfied.
She sounds a little like my mother - who I don't see anymore. I hope your DH is supporting you with this - did he notice what was going on? Sometimes they don't.
I guess at least if you have to travel to see them they aren't round the corner to see every day.
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mamanee
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 6:53pm |
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Thank you every one for your encouraging words of advice and sympathy! It means a lot to me to be able to come on here and let it all out!
As to the questions about whether my DP knows or supports me, yes he does, definitely. She always picks a time to comment when he is out of the room because she knows if he hears her, he will go nuts at her. He has said to me that if I can even stand up to her just a little bit, he will back me up all the way and if she starts to get upset or angry with me for saying something, he will take over from me and let her have it.
We are just sort of working on a game plan as to what to do now/next time.
Thanks again everyone. I have calmed down now.
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SuziE
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:08pm |
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Thats so good that your DP is behind you. One of my girlfriends MIL is exactly the same as yours .. would make horrid remarks when the DP was out of the room ... and her DP didnt believe her ... caused no end of trouble ...
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bumblefoot
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:32pm |
Crush, Kill, Destroy....ad infinitum....OMG what a sad old bean! You are TRULY a better woman thatn I, I would have stuck it to her in no uncertain terms, and told her that if she couldnt behave like an adult, then she would be treated like a child. She would be ignored until her behaviour improved, and a sound apology was recieved. Then strict visitation and all comments logged so she could see what damager her words were having. Or, I would have turned her comments around, and picked to bits every little thing she did, 'oh, I would never have stacked the dishes like that, its so unhygienic...etc. Which is of course the less high browed approach, but no less satisfying.
Well done on keeping your chin up, and if I can be as good a Mum as you are, then I will be a happy woman! Take care chicka, I will be watching with baited breath.
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busymum
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 7:49pm |
 neeandsam wrote:
We are just sort of working on a game plan as to what to do now/next time. |
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 8:42pm |
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I am sorry to hear you didn't have a nice weekend.
It is nice to hear that your DP is in there with you.
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MILF
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:03pm |
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i am so amazed at your dp's reaction - where do i find the manual that programs that function into men? big big ups to him for being so willing to stand up to her like that for you.
what a hard weekend you had, i can sympathise with how you must have felt. and i so know what you mean with the crying in the bedroom. but you have done it and survived it, and hopefully will have a great plan in place (with several great comebacks up your sleeve just for fun) for the future.
you hold all the aces, your mil just hasnt realised it yet - you have the grandchild!!!!
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Lyla - mum to
Xanthe - my big 4 year old 
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Jordis - 1 year old 
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Chovynz
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Posted: 16 July 2007 at 9:27pm |
MILF wrote:
i am so amazed at your dp's reaction - where do i find the manual that programs that function into men? big big ups to him for being so willing to stand up to her like that for you. |
Not easily programmed. Usually takes an eyeopener or two for guys to click onto it like that. I know it can be especially hard at the beginning to pick between two people you love (mum vs wife.) You've known your mum for so long and you barely know this new person. But if the guy is switched on he'll eventually realise that standing up beside his wife and supporting her is the best thing for his family (and himself).
IL's aren't the parents. And although they do (and i think should) have some influence in the family, they aren't the ones who get called on (usually) when little Sammies in trouble with the police.
Anyway enough with that OT. I hope you're feeling better and can come up with a good plan of attack for this issue. It's not nice when that kind of nastiness happens.
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Defending the male species since 1980 
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MyMinis
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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 9:21am |
sounds like my 3wks with my MIL staying here renee.
after nearly 3yrs of her telling me how to be a good partner to df and how to be a bette rmum i snapped, lol dont think she'll be back up here in a hurry
glad to hear your man backs you.
i think they all plan the best time to attack the DIL lol.
heres hoping she backs off next tiem and lets you parent in your own way, jsut rememebr your a great mum, and oyu ahve a happy healthy boy.
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miss
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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 2:07pm |
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Renee, ia m so pleased to hear that DP is being so supportive - it can't be easy when it is their mum, if you know what I mean. Fingers crossed the next time is easier for you.
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Rackhell
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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 5:43pm |
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Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better.
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mamanee
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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 6:09pm |
Rackhell wrote:
Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better. |
I totally 100% agree with you. Knowing this woman for nearly two years I can safely say that she will never change and will never accept that she is in the wrong and that forcing her opinions onto me is offensive. The only thing I can do is to change the way I react to her and toughen up a bit.
I honestly and truly think that she has a screw loose, and sometimes feel sorry for her that she battles so hard with her insecurites and issues.
I am confident with my parenting skills and feel that I am doing a good job, but when it comes down to it, the biggest insult to me is an insult to my abilities as a mother.
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Mazzy
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Posted: 17 July 2007 at 8:33pm |
neeandsam wrote:
Rackhell wrote:
Not to rain on the parade, but it's not likely that your MIL will change her attitude to you or your parenting style... She's a drama queen and I hope that the next meeting (if you want there to be one) goes much better. |
I totally 100% agree with you. Knowing this woman for nearly two years I can safely say that she will never change and will never accept that she is in the wrong and that forcing her opinions onto me is offensive. The only thing I can do is to change the way I react to her and toughen up a bit. |
Good for you Renee, that is such a great approach. I read through all of this thinking the same as Rackhell, no matter what you say to her your MIL doesn't sound like she'll change, and ultimately that could just end up being more frustrating for you and cause more dramas, which would ultimately play right into her hands.
She sounds like a negative, frustrating, hurtful person, and unfortunately she's always going to be your MIL. My two cents worth - the best thing you can do is rise above it, take control over the things you can (your reactions, how much time Sam spends with her unsupervised etc.) and remember that it's not what she thinks that is important, but what you and your DH hink. Your DH sounds lovely!
I really respect how hard you tried on the weekend, letting her feed Sam and have time alone to bond with him, you are a really thoughtful, lovely person, it is unfortunate she can't see it.
It's all so hard, I know. I get mouth ulcers from biting the inside of my mouth so much to stop retorting when my MIL is around.   Take the (rightly deserved) compliments on this website and keep them in mind each time she insults you about being a mother.
Edited by Mazzy
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What a weekend! (LONG RANT SORRY)
