Question for the ’ex’ single Mums

So I've been 'casually' seeing someone for a wee while and we have decided to give it a real go. He has said he doesn't really know how the whole kid thing works and neither do I really. It all feels quite awkward and while its still early days I kinda want to hear how other people have gotten on lol.

So if anyone is willing to share how things went for them when they started 'dating' and things I would really love to hear. Also what kind of things did you do to make it easier for the new guy and your kids.

I'll reply to this properly once I've picked up a certain 7 year old from school.

BUT, I met DH when C was 3 and 1/2 y ears old, he had NO experience with kids, now he is C's dad in every way except biologically , and we are happily married with our 2nd baby .

Its had its ups and downs, but for the most part, its been great , I think the thing to do is just let them slowly get to know each other, don't force it .

Thanks for the ideas guys. They have all met a few times but just briefly and just before they went to bed so I think all going out somewhere would work better.

I don't think he has much kid experience and my kids can be quite shy with new people so we will be taking things slow for sure. The kids do talk about him a bit so hopefully thats a good thing lol

its been a while now (almost 10 years ago) when i first met DH but I had two kids - Josh was 7 and Brooke was 3. Dh is 5 years younger than me and so had completely no experience with kids (he was 22 or 23 ican't remember lol)

At first I only went to DH flat he never came to my house (I lived with parents when I was first dating him) The kids were put to bed before i went out so they were none the wiser.

It was 6 - 8 weeks into the relationship before we considered introducing them to each other... I can't remember exactly what we did but DH said he came round to mine - i told the kids this is my friend Brendan (no lovely dovey stuff) and he said brooke (being young) just shut up (shes a chatter ox) and stared at him and josh was on the computer and just said casually Oh HI... I know after that he would just come round and watch movies etc... It was such a learning thing on both sides and I think that worked so much better than dh coming on so full on - can scare kids too.

We definately have had challenges along the way but now we are married 1 extra child here and one on the way and Dh loves 'my' kids as if they were his own and could not imagine life without them - infact we went thru a rough patch before we were married and Dh amitted he didn't know how he could live without the kids in his life (materforically -sp??- as he would of never taken his life it wasn't that bad of a rough patch )

Gosh it seems like a life time away since then.

One day at a time - one step at a time - don't expect much nor 'love at first sight' but it will happen

This hasn't happened to me, so I'm in no way qualified to answer, but maybe one thing to remember is that with any relationship, its important to work as a team. And children need to know that, so they have an example of how a loving, functioning relationship works. How issues are sorted out in a non-vindictive way, etc.

Andriea wrote: Her new man was introduced very quickly to her son, she always put the guy before her son.

I agree to not put your NP first over your kids, but it is important that if you are going to give it a real go, that they know that you and NP are a team.

Hope that helps, and all the best!

oh lizze totally agree I NEVER talked about my ex in a bad way infront of the kids (and still don't) even though I have every reason to hate the guy (abusive relationship etc...) it is not the kids fault and if they hear you talking bad about their father they begin thinking they are like that too cause they are half their father.

They normally work it out for themselves anyhow - I know mine have and I haven't been the bady in all of it they worked it out themselves!

I missed this originally but curious as to how its going??

Jake was a newborn when me and DP got together and he'd been round my entire pregnancy so it wasn't an issue he just became Jakes dad from the get-go.

Double post

Edited by sally belly

Thats awesome Rach I'm really glad for you