Oh my god I just had a hissy fit!

Hannibal, I think you have absolute right to be angry, for goodness sakes, this is your sister-in-law! And a woman of 36 may I add!
Stick to your guns and explain to your hubby why it makes you so angry. The way I see it, she is your family and when it comes to me, my family and my home, everybody pitches in. Its the same when I stay with other members of my family. There is no way that you should have to feel like your picking up after yet another person in your own household. Good on you and I hope that your DH starts to see things from your point of view

Yeah SMoody is right, if she has always been this way, why wasn't something said to her from the outset?

Thanks guys - today I'm sitting here feeling a lot better time out has worked wonders!!

When I am a guest in someone else's house I try and do my bit around the house, and I usually pay for some groceries and leave money for electricity, etc. But...If I had someone in my house as a guest I wouldn't necessarily expect the same. While it would be nice to think that everyone would act that way, if I accept them in my home as a guest then I shouldn't have a list of criteria that they are supposed to guess. Either do not agree to have them stay at all, or tell them what your expectations are before they arrive.

I always feel weird doing stuff around other peoples houses but i always offer to help out and would insist if i was staying with someone who had a new baby (unsure how old yours is) and i would expect the same from anyone who visited me as well its just common decency to offer a hand. Ive never struck a female who hasnt offered to help out or offer some cash towards groceries while supermarket shopping before!!! When guy mates stay i dont get many offers of help but they normally throw a little money at the groceries if they have been around for meals.

If i did have someone staying for a week that didnt offer to help out id probably be inclined to ask them to give me a hand with the dishes or something

hannibal wow I'm sorry you had to deal with that! I was raised to always bring something for the Host/Hostess when I stay and I always offer to do dishes or help make dinner. If any of us had tried that in my faimly i shudder to think what might have happened. Good luck

Oh Hannibal,

I know how you feel. I just had seven weeks of MIL!!!!!!! SEVEN WEEKS

NEver again, i've decided I just dont like having people to stay. My husband and I work from home and she refused to leave the house for most of it on her own, so three of us at home 24/7 GRRRRRR! I was so stressed out by the end of it, couldnt sleep. then half way through I found out i was pregnant, god knows how that happened.

We agreed to her coming for six weeks as long as she booked up some trips to break the time up. Then she booked her flight for seven weeks!! Then when she arrived DH tried to sit down with her and tried to get her book up some trips. She had no intention of booking anything. Then at the end of the first week, we were out for a picnic with my parents and she wasnt looking where she was stepping as we were packing up and she fell down a small hill and broke her wrist. Ended up in hospital and having an operation. My my how she milked it. A typical poor me. Everything in her life that hasn't gone well is everyone else's fault. Her moaning and whinging about everything just drove me mad on top of her stupid insenstive remarks.
On her first night she told us both how fat we had gotten especially me! I was so shocked i didnt know what to say. It wasnt the first or last comment!

Then we were walking home from the supermarket up the road and she wasnt looking where she was going and fell over and head butted the pavement. So we brought her home and cleaned her up, her whole face lit up from the attention. I know some people are lonely but I just dont buy into this poor me crap. A few nights before she left her friend called and she sat there telling her that her fall was all our fault that we shouldnt have been sitting where we were!!! right in front of us!!! I could have slapped her!

Anyway I was talking to a good friend whose does coaching amongst other things and she said that what you need to do is put structure around the visit. Lay down what you expect when they arrive. Also tell people what you would like them to do an if you need help.

She's gone now but I'm sure she will be back now there's a baby on the way. God help me. DH and I have talked this over any more visits are now limited to three weeks as she's coming from the UK, if she wants to come for longer she stays somewhere else for the rest of the trip.

Also next time I will be informing her when she makes any more unwanted comments to think about what she says before opening her mouth as her comments are insensitive and hurtful.

My friend says if you nip things in the bud straight away then they are less likely to happen. Also show's them who is in control, its your house, they are the guest and should fit in with you not the other way around.

If I had my way she would never visit again, that's how much she upset and stressed me out.

But she's DH's mother so I have to respect that.

wishing you well
disco