other peoples babies....and "discipline"

Ok, I am not sure really what the title shoud have beem but nevermind. Joshierocks's post got me thinking.

At my antenatal group and with some of my friends the babies all mix and mingle, climb over each other, push each other to the floor, scratch, slobber and steal each others toys. We are also at a stage where they are starting to learn "No".

I have noticed that we all sort of tell each others kids off. Well its not really telling off but more "No, sweety, dont hit ******" sort of thing. We might also pick up someone elses kid and remove them from a sticky situation.

My friend was round the other day with her wee girl and like Tom she has a fascination for the TV and the cabinet. Tom gets told "No" and so does this little one. Is it ok for me to say "No" when she goes for our TV. Not yelling, just "*******, No! Leave the TV alone" sort of thing.

In addition to the group discipline, we will also pick up which ever baby is upset if they are closer to us than the mum.

What are your views.....is this ok or should we be stepping back and leaving it to the parent?

If your group is fine with it, then it shouldn't matter.
I didn't really like others telling my daughter off until she was old enough to know that what she was doing was wrong (about 2).

I do think it is the job of the parent to be watching their child though and if they are getting into something then they're not meant to - then they can redirect the childs attention to something else at that age - without having to say no (which backfires on you btw lol when they learn to talk and start answering back to you!)

I think that if you are friends with the child's parent, and neither of you has an issue with it then it is fine, and actually should be encouraged. I have a good friend whose kids I quite often tell off (just saying no and explaining why) if they are doing something they shouldn't/hurting my son etc. She has no problem with it and alternatively she will do the same if Kyan does something he shouldn't (i.e pulling the wine bottles out of her wine rack). Sometimes one of us won't see what has happened but the situation is still dealt with by the other.

So I think if you have a friendship where its ok for you both to do this then I don't see a problem, however in the case of strangers it might not be taken so well by the other parent! I don't know what I'd do in that situation as my instincts would probably still be to tell the child off even though it may not be my place.

Yep, I agree with most people here. It depends on the situation.

I would never ever 'yell' at anyones kid (mine included) but there are children I tell off (my older niece and nephews for eg) and children that I will just step back and leave it to their parents. On the rare occasions when their parents aren't stepping in I will explain to the child why Michaela's not allowed to do something and ask them not to either (different rules for different houses is hard to understand at this age but it's more for the benefit of the parent than the child anyway).

As far as picking up a hurt child it again depends on the situation. There have been times when I've had a kid over and the mothers popped out of the room and shortly after the child has hurt themselves so I pick them up and offer comfort, other times if I'm closest I'll pick up the child and pass them to their mother but if the mothers in the room I don't presume to comfort the child myself.

Prior to christmas I was at a kids christmas party when Michaela took a tumble down some stairs near the bottom, I was standing right behind her and saw it happen and she actually fell very well and managed to land without hurting herself. I am a great beleiver in waiting to see how the child reacts, before rushing in to provide sympathy and Michaela was fine but I saw one of the other mums come rushing over. I told her not to worry, she's fine, please don't pick her up, "mums name" please don't pick her up she's fine but the mum ignored me and went ahead and picked Michaela up which made Michaela start screaming as she was freaked out by this person that she's only met a hadnful of times picking her up. I was so p!ssed off.

I have to admit i am one of those mothers that will tell another child off, (BUT) only if he/she has hurt my child and the parent either hasnt seen it or has done nothing...or is about to do something stupid that will cause injury to themselves or someone else

If the parent hasnt seen it and ive told their child off, then i will tell the parent (whether i know them or not), i dont yell at the child, but i do tell then that its unexceptable.

if the parent has seen what is happening and has still done nothing then i still talk to the parent...but if the parent is aggressive then i just leave it.

I have no problem anyone telling Rhiannon off, as long as she isnt yelled at or touched (unless she is being moved from a horrid sitution).

Its a tough one...as i think there is a fine line...and amongst my group of friends we seem to have an unwritten rule about displine and as long as no child is smacked then we seem to be all good

hehehe Annie and I are the BEST mothers in the world, sniggering to each other while our boys have a punch up... but they are sooooooo funny!!!!

We do beak it up if it gets too rowdy of course...

I agree with everyone else depends on the situation. If I'm there and not busy I don't like anyone picking up/telling off my kids. If I don't see I expect the parent who did see to tell Jack to stop.

Maybe my house is just super child proof but I'm yet to have to really tell Caprece off.

I agree with you too Annie now that Caprece fights back I just let my 2 go for it sometimes, they usually fight over toys and end up playing really nicely together. If I interfere every time they fight I would never get anything done.

In your situation Nikki with the wee girl, I might find another toy for her and try and distract her (thats if the Mum doesn't do anything). It could also be that her girl is allowed to play with the TV at home so she doesn't see it as a huge issue?

I think we are ina lucky situation where everyone gets on well and all SEEM to think alike. I agree Fattart (sounds rude calling you that) that we do overparent...but I think the kids will learn to just roll their eyes at us. IT is nice that all the mums want to pick up and cuddle each others babies and we all seem comfy doing it.

Rach, my friends little girl definately is NOT allowed near her TV cabinet either and that was TOTALLY alright for me to tell her No.....her mum and I are very close and I love her little girl as much as Tom and vice versa.

I guess, there isnt a problem at the moment, it just got me thinking that maybe I should be thinking more about this.....I tend to overthink.

I think I will just keep it all going as it is....its seems to be fine by all concerned!

Oh and noone really tells them off. More "No, sweety dont do that" as we are picking them up and placing them near another toy whilst continuing our gossip....it saves "Mum" from getting out of a relaxed seat

I HATE having to tell other peoples kids off- I get really p*ssed off at the parents for putting me in situations where I have to 'parent' their kids. I think its because SIL is a nutter and blew her top once because DH told off her daughter and she went on and on about other people having no right to discipline her child- I hate confrontation so if I have to tell another persons child off then I get so worried they're going to tell me off

I'm quite strict on the girls and feel like I always keep quite a close eye on them. If I haven't seen something and another parent tells them off then I'm usually ok with it but if I have seen it and am dealing with it then I am not ok if someone else steps in. We stayed with very good friends recently and it really got on my nerves how much her and her DH told off Charlotte. I think there is a line that can be crossed- the poor kid got told off for pretty much breathing! We live on the other side of the world so its not a biggy but we are moving back close to them so if it keeps happening then then I'll have to say something (which = confrontation, which I hate ).

I think if I am at some ones house and they say No to something once then after that it is my job to keep the kids away or stop that behaviour from that point.

We have good friends who have a really daughter- she has it in for Kate and is constantly snatching toys off her and trying to knock her over (she is 3 1/2). They do very little to stop her behaviour and I'm constantly having to stop their child from hurting her and its got to the point where we are avoiding visiting them because it just ends up tainting our time with them.

So to answer your question I also agree that it depends on the relationship and it depends on the situation. Ifs its your house (or your child on the receiving end) then I think you need to make your rules clear, either by telling the child once then letting the parent take over or telling the parent so they can enforce it.