could you would you forgive

Honestly, I'd have a lot of trouble forgiving her. I think for myself, I'd want to talk to her and ask all the questions that I needed answers to. And even if it got to the point I could understand the reasons (IMO there is NEVER a good reason), then I wouldn't be able to forget.

Lucas has never even met her and even if he had he woudlnt have formed a relationship with her so to speak being he is only 2 months old and Megan doesnt even talk about her so I doubt she even remembers her.

I guess I just find it hard to forgive someone who has hurt a member of my family even if they havent done so to me directly.

I just found out much the same about some friends of ours.
I am having a huge amount of trouble forgiving her for the affairs (yes plural...3 in fact) she had and I don't even really know why. Think it's cause of the kids involved.

Maybe in time I'll get over it, but I can definately see why you're having trouble with it as well.

Go with it. There are no hard fast rules about this kind of stuff and if oneday you feel you can forgive her then fine, if not, then thats fine too.

I would try, but yes it would be hard.

And I agree with cuppatea, speaking from personal experience, you either get pushed or pulled towards an affair (IYKWIM). Quite often you can't see how it's happened, but then you step back and look at it and it's quite easy to see things weren't right.

Sorry it's probably no help, but don't throw away a relationship with her because of it, see if you can move past it, and if you can't, at least you know you've given it a go.

I think although your Dad is hurt and that must hurt you if I could I would try and forgive her. In reality the affair does not directly involve you it is between them and I would not let that interfere with my relationship with her. In saying that my loyalty would still be with my Dad but you could still meet up with her for a coffee or something every now and then. The truth is it is your life so you have to decide what is best for you.

It must be a pretty rough situation for you.

cuppatea wrote: I find it a bit hard to think someone could be in your life for 25 years and you wouldn't want to try and find a way to understand and forgive. I totally get that she has hurt your dad and that you feel protective towards him, but on the other hand there are often underlying reasons why people have affairs and obviously if they split up once before their relationship was far from stable. I don't think having an affair can ever be justified but I also don't think the person that cheats is always 100% responsible for the relationship break up. Seems a shame to throw away a 25 year old relationship with your step mum without at least talking to her first. (I'm not trying to say cheating is ok, cos I don't think it ever is, but just that sometimes people make sh*tty decisions and when you step back and look at the bigger picture maybe there were reasons leading up to that sh*tty decision. Yes they still shouldn't have done it, but the marriage might still have split up and the other problems would still have been there, they just dealt with them in a really bad way)

I totally agree. My dad is with wife #3 at the moment. They have already split up once, so I'm sure this won't be his last wife . Wife #1 was my mum, wife #2 & I still have a very good relationship. She never cheated on my dad (so far as I know), but TBH I wouldn't have blamed her if she did. I would imagine my Dad is a very difficult man to live with-he is emotionally stunted & has a very violent temper. I love him, but man, if he was my husband, I would shoot myself. Affairs are wrong, but sometimes you can see how it happens.

I think you should give your stepmum a chance to explain her side of the story-there are ALWAYS two sides to a story. If after that you stll can't forgive her, well that's fine, but after 25 years I think you owe her a chance.

JMTCW. Good luck-it's not an easy situation.

Edited to say my Dad's 3rd wife, now she is a REAl piece of work. She stole a huge amount of money from her company over a three year period, the company found out, rang my dad to come down & see them, told him if he doesn't repay all the money she stole within 3 months they would have her locked up. Because they have a young child together my Dad paid the money (lending money & rendering himself almost destitute in the process), & then a few months later she up & left saying she just didn't think it was going to weork out & she doesn't love him anymore. Then after a few months (seeing another man in the meantime), she reunited with my dad & now they are supposedly all happy again. See, now her I will never forgive, but that's because she's a dishonest, coniving cow. Different situation....





Edited by Odettenz

If you have had a great relationship with her it is a shame to give it all away over this. I realise your opinion of her has changed with all this and your Dad is hurting and you probably feel loyal to him, but maybe you need to give it a bit of time adn see how you feel. Everyone makes mistakes and it is a shame for your kids to miss out if they've had a good relationship so far.

I think, at the very bare bones of it, its between them, and nothing to do with anyone else so should have no bearing really on your relationship with her - although I totally get how hard it is to over look something that has hurt someone you love. at the end of the day, though, its totally up to you, however, I would bear in mind you have a very long history with her and likely only know one side of the story - not saying an affair is fine, but chances are it isn't as black and white as you think it might be.

Suck situation to be in!