why dont they understand

why dont my friends and some family members (those that have never been through a miscarriage or loss) just understand that Kent and I have done our grieving and that we are ready to move on.

They seem to think that we should be grieving for a lot longer than what we have, but they werent here over the past 4 days, they havent seen the tears and what ifs, they havent rung to talk to us about it, infact if they have rung they have done everything to not talk about it.

they seem to believe that there is no way we can be ready to move on...they dont seem to understand that we can be sad but not want to hold on....oh i hope im making sense.


arrgghhh its frustrating....i am so grateful for all my friends and family that have supported us over the past few days and i think this is a big part of how we are ready to move on.

Gosh that's a bit unfair of them to be talking like that I think you just need to tell them that when you're ready is only something that you and Kent can be the judge of, not anyone else. Any kind of grieving takes different amounts of time for different people. And with any kind of grieving again, it can come and go too.

Coming from someone who has never had a miscarriage or lost a child I wouldn't know what to say nor would I know how much time one needs to grieve for. I have had a friend who lost their baby and I didn't know what to say, all that i could say was I am so sorry for your loss and I am here if you need me. Then let them do the talking. If you let your friends and family know that you have done your grieving etc... I am sure they would understand.

For me I find it comes and goes, most of the time I'm ok, but every now and then I get this wave of grief, or I start thinking all the cliched why's and why me's etc. And certain things trigger flashbacks to the actual m/c process, when I first discovered I was bleeding etc.
Time definitely helps tho! I don't cry much about it anymore.

do they try to get you to talk about it kaz? maybe next time someone does just say politely and firmly something like " thanks,yeah it has been really hard, and we've had our moments about it but kent and I feel its time to move on, we'll never forget our baby but we want to go forwards now." and hopefully that person might spread the word around that your not "over it" but want to move on with your lives and are doing so at your own pace.

sorry, i havent really experienced this before so im probably not much help

hey thanks guys, my friends are all good now, they know ive moved on, and a couple of them have finally said to me, we just didnt know what to say or do, and i replied to them, that if they had just said to me, "we dont know what to say or do, but we are here if you need us" then i would have been happy with that...its far better than avoiding me and/or topic.

anyway its all good now, and when ppl do ask me about it, i tend to say yeah it was hard, but we are moving on now and planning on starting again soon. :)