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LittleBug View Drop Down
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Joined: 29 July 2007
Location: Dunedin
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    Posted: 01 March 2008 at 1:02pm

My friend had a miscarriage yesterday. She and her fiance got pregnant accidentally, but they have always really wanted to be parents and did want the baby heaps. She was 10 weeks along. Is in hospital atm and having a scan this morning to check everything. They are pretty tired but both of them seem ok, and I don't know if it's hit her really, yet. She said she doesn't feel that attached because she hadn't even had a scan or anything, honestly, she actually seems really together about it.

Was just wondering what I should be saying/doing to be a good friend to her... I have no idea.
Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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busymum View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 12236 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2008 at 1:27pm
It's always hard to know what to say as everyone is different. Just be aware that she may be alright now but her hormones will drop off in a couple of days (just like the baby blues that you would have had a couple of weeks back yourself) and that can be a bit miserable before things pick up. I guess a m/c is a grief that is done in little steps. PLEASE don't say "you can have another one" - it seems to be the most complained about quote!
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ElfsMum View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 June 2007
Location: Christchurch
Points: 11702 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ElfsMum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2008 at 2:00pm
yes...or 'things happen for a reason' !:)
Mum to two amazing boys!
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mummy_becks View Drop Down
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and the classic "but at least you know you can get pregnant".

It may hit her one she gets home after the hormones leave her body.

Try your best and don't worry if she doesn't want to hold or be around Chloe, its not Chloe its the hormones.
I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Vanillabean View Drop Down
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Joined: 17 January 2008
Location: Wellington
Points: 462 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Vanillabean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2008 at 4:40pm
I have lost count the number of times people have said to me "at least you know you can get pregnant". Its so not the point.

I like it best when people say "I'm so sorry" and respect the fact that I am grieving rather than gloss over it. But thats just me.
5x mc, Jan 08, June 08, Nov 08, May 09, April 11


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Huggles View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 January 2008
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Points: 395 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Huggles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 March 2008 at 6:31pm
Janey... I have just gone thru the same thing that your friend is going thru at the moment only a couple of weeks ago... I second what everyone has said as above. All I can say is just be there for your friend. You can just be with her and if she wants to talk about it she will. My friends were fantastic and didnt say any of those "nice" quirky comments which was great as that was the last thing that I wanted to hear.
Good luck for your friend and that she comes thru ok.
xxx
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