The ethics of IVF, what a dilemma!

Hi, my husband and i are due to start the IVF process - from my next period in just over a week (I would have to take the pill for three weeks first).
The problem is that we both still have many questions about the ethics.
We thought we might be just about sorted: we had decided that the safest and most ehtical option was to let them fertilise two eggs only, but the trouble with that is they could easily both be duds and we would have to start the expensive process all over again.
The more we research, the less ethical it seems, and the more questions and doubts we get.
Neither of us believes its right to throw unwanted embryos away as life begins at conception (adopting them out would be too weird). We also have trouble with the idea of freezing embryos given the well known adverse effects on an embryo of the thawing process.
So here I am, apparently infertile, very much wanting a baby, and kind of stuck in an ethical dilemma while the start date of IVF looms nearer.
What to do...?!

All I can say is that you have to follow your heart and do what is right for you - no one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

In fertilising 2 eggs the chance of neither reaching embryo stage is exceptionally high - we had 18 eggs, did ICSI and had 6 embryos in the end. But, if you fertilised them all and ended up destroying a number, how would you feel? Which feelings would outweigh the others?

IVF is a hard road from so many different angles and the emotional ups and downs don't just come from hormones and drugs and that side of things.

I wish you all the best with your decision - it's one we all (or all IVFers) face, and I don't think anyone finds it particuarly easy.

Well, here is my two cents.

I've done 4 cycles of IVF and have had as few as 2 eggs from a cycle (and they didn't fertilize properly) and as many as 13 eggs.

I got pregnant in my 2nd cycle but lost the baby at 17 weeks and thank goodness I had more embryos in the freezer to try again....not that they worked.

In my fourth cycle of IVF, I had 6 viable embryos from 13 eggs. I transferred one embryo fresh, froze the rest and then began to transfer them one by one as each cycle did not work. On my third transfer, we had to thaw 2 embryos because the first one did not survive the thaw. The 2nd embryo to thaw became my beautiful daughter.

We had one embryo left in the freezer and like you, couldn't bring ourselves to donate it or discard it, so we transferred it figuring it would never work. I am now pregnant with twins.

Having been through IVF a number of times, my opinion is that it is going to be what it is going to be. There are no guarantees that you will have any eggs fertilize or become pregnant and at the same time, the first embryo might take and you will be left with 10 in the freezer.

IVF is an invasive, emotional, expensive process and I personally would let all the eggs you manage to get be fertilized. You have to remember that a number of those that fertilize will not be viable anyway and it isn't really possible to tell which eggs are going to be the "ones".

As for frozen embryos...I'm not sure what adverse effects you are talking about as all of my children have now come from frozen embryos. Technology is very good now and I have read that freezing can actually improve the embryo quality.

Best of luck in your decision making. It is not easy but don't limit yourself. Cross each bridge as you come to it.

what an overwhelming response, thank you so much everyone. I will re read the messages a few times - Im sure they will help.
xo