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lemongirl View Drop Down
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Joined: 29 June 2009
Location: Auckland
Points: 562 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lemongirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2009 at 1:44pm
*sheepishly puts her hand up*

I pretty much walked in on my partner cheating on me. It's weird but thing that burned the most was the he chose to cheat on me with someone who was fat and ugly. I always thought if you were going to cheat, you'd at least want to trade up! I won't lie, if you decide to stay, it will be hard for you to put that behind you. Anytime he's out with his mates or late home from work you're going to have a twinge of 'who is he with?' But occasionally you have to take your cheating a/hole back because he is your cheating a/hole

And yes there's the smug high and mighty 'once a cheater' brigade most have no idea of the complexity of human relationships.
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emz View Drop Down
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Joined: 25 November 2006
Location: Christchurch
Points: 5321 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote emz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2009 at 11:01pm
I agree with that last statement lemongirl - my sister was like that, even though DH's was 'only' an emotional attachment.

I'm still struggling to come to terms with it, the lying etc and I still have nightmares - I even stayed home from work today as I couldn't bare leaving DH home (he's on holidays) in case he decided to go out, and I didn't know where

So nothing's going to be a magic cure, and from this you can't just put a bandaid on it, it needs to be fully dealt with. The thought of that is horrible and I'm not sleeping leading up to our 2nd counselling session this week as I know it's going to be a hard one for me, but I think at the end of the day it's going to be worth it.

So just to let you know you're not alone (unfortunately for all of us that have been there). I second what Bombshell said about getting yourself tested etc - I did that just in case I wasn't getting the whole truth as last thing you want is contracting something from it that could have lasting effects. Not nice but worth thinking about.
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fattartsrock View Drop Down
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Points: 6441 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fattartsrock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2009 at 1:48pm
Hugs to you, and you as well Emz.

Like Bombshell, I also don't htink I would be able to look past it, however I think that is a reflection on my own expereinces, and lack of trust. I have been cheated on in the past by every single man I ever dated with Rod being the only exception. It took me along long time to trust Rod, and even now, I still do the old knee jerk suspicious thing and I always check his phone. We have fought alot in the past about this, and I do know there is no way he would do it, however I just sometimes can't ignore the "voices in my head" . That's how I KNOW I couldn't get over it.
That said, you know yourself if it is something you will be able to get past, with counselling etc.
Hugs to you, and I don't envy you. xxxx
The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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lizzle View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Points: 8346 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2009 at 1:03pm
can i ask, is this the first time he's cheated?
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escadachic View Drop Down
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Joined: 15 May 2009
Location: Wainuiomata
Points: 3744 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote escadachic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2009 at 8:22pm
I feel doing it alone can be a very positive thing.

Yes it's hard, but it can be a positive thing.

The way I see it, is with not having a partner around or a relationship that is negative. You have all the more love and attention to gives to your kids. You can give so much more of yourself to them and also they can be a great comfort and support in a time like yours.

You can just look at them and go, wow, what a great job I have done bringing these darling children into the world.

I wouldn't know how to conquer things if the children are old enough to understand that Dad is maybe not going to be around. All I know from what I've heard is just make sure they know in no way is it there fault. As kids just seem to blame themselves which sucks, as it's so not their fault.

I wish I could give you big HUGS!

Stay strong and look at your children in you feel down and they will always do something to make you smile. Or else give them a big hug! Hugs work wonders

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pikelets View Drop Down
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Joined: 08 April 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 760 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pikelets Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 August 2009 at 9:21pm
Big big hugs to you!

I know how scary and uncertain it can be in this position. I hope you have great friends and family to support you.

Im not sure where you live, but you can get free legal advice from a womans centre on the shore. If you are on the shore PM me and I will find out where it is for you as I cant remember right this minute.

DH and issues to sort out and it would have been very easy for either of us to walk away but we got help and its not easy somedays but it does get better.

I believe that people make mistakes (sometimes REALLY DUMB ones) but I really do hope you can mend what has happened.

Good luck


3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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