My Partner Calls me Selfish..

I find it a bit odd that he doesn't tell you how much he earns, especially if you can just look up how much is paid into the bank and you could also just work it out from the WFF amount that you are getting as that would have to have been worked out on his estimated yearly income.

I also find it a bit odd that you seemed to have made decisions and are then upset at him for not accepting them. So firstly you agreed to go back to work after you PPL ran out then you decided to take the year and he just put up with it and then you quit your job altogether to take a few years off. Did you actually talk to him before making any of those decisions? How would you feel if he quit to be a SAHD without consulting you?

I understand that when a baby arrives our original plans/feelings can change. I fully intended to return part time to work after 6 months but once Spencer was here I didn't want to put him in daycare, however the decision for me not to return to work was a joint one, instead I arranged with my employer to work casually from home and then once pregnant again I resigned completely, but again that was a joint decision.

I think perhaps both of you need to really sit down and work out what is important for all three of you, and the idea of a counsellor or some type of mediator sounds good. Perhaps seeing a financial advisor could help too.

Yeah I agree with the gazzillion other posts saying you both need to sit down and talk. Pre baby plans never go quite as planned. I remember my dp and I had planned for him to be a SAHD and for my to go back to work, however we fell pregnant sooner than we had planned, so I was SAHM. I stayed home for a year, and then decided to return to studies, yea it's hard putting your child into daycare but it does get easier, especially when you're child bolts for the doors to get in there! lolz....I know that though he's not with me, he's still happy, he's learning lots, and it's not going to be detrimental to him because I'm not there. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices even though at the time our heart tells us not too. I've been wanting to TTC #2 fairly soonish and talked with DP, and he told me that it would put more of a strain on him as he'd have to work longer hours to provide for us. I never thought about that before, all I thought about was wanting to be pregnant again!...not the fact that I'll have to study with a newborn and toddler, that DP would have to work longer hours etc. So now we've decided to wait til my last year of study to start TTC#2, as then he'll be paid more, and I could start my own practice part time from home. You two really need to sit down and talk, let him say his side of the story about how this will impact him. We all would love to be able to take a few years off to raise our children, but for many it isn't a option, and in this economy it's getting harder and harder to make that dream a reality.