Please help, I’m at my wits end :-(

You've had loads of advice, so it must be hard figuring out which to take. It's good that you feel encouraged and a lot of people have been in the same boat! I agree, those first three months are hard just getting to know your baby and figuring things out. We still have trouble getting Nathan off to sleep sometimes - it's just hard when they are this young. Sometimes it's mere survival, so hang in there!

Your baby's sleep at night is a very similar pattern to Nathan. I started him off doing a dreamfeed (after consulting Plunket) around 11:30pm (some people do it as early as 10pm). Because your baby doesn't dreamfeed, you can wake baby for that feed - I don't bother now trying to keep him asleep. It doesn't happen immediately but I would say try it one week. Whenever you try anything new, it needs to be at least one week before you know it does/doesn't work. For me, it worked but not at first - took a week, and Nathan now wakes up himself around that time. And then his morning wake-ups would get later and later but around the 5am mark - so 5-5.5hrs solid, sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. There are times where he wakes up at 3:30am then 6:30am (at which point I pull him into bed with me and we sleep for a few more hours). It's not great but unfortunately this is what they do at this age. Most of the time he does a good 4-5hrs straight, and that's what you can begin to expect over the coming months.

I'm told that only some babies sleep through the night earlier than 6mths old. And by "sleep through the night" they mean from midnight through to 5-7am. It's usually after they start solids that you can resettle them at night so they sleep through.

Unfortunately the lack of sleep at night comes with the territory. Your body will adjust. Try and have a nap during the day to help you - I do all the time. In terms of sleeping during the day: the more you get your baby into a rhythmic/cyclic routine, the more he will settle into a daytime routine. Every baby is different and they change. They may not last 1hr up... I don't think Nathan did at 7wks old. Then they change and before you know it they need to be up for 1.5hrs and not sleepy enough to be going to bed!   Look for your baby's tired signs and settle him when he is showing he is tired, eg. closed fists, grizzling, staring, rubbing eyes... Also remember that a sleep cycle is 45mins long and they often wake up around this time - so resettle with a dummy or white noise or rocking or whatever you use to get him asleep again. Sorry if you're baby's a girl - I can't remember and my baby's a boy so I say "him" all the time haha.

You will get through this time - persevere! Babies are little puzzles to figure out. Remember advice is great but if it doesn't work - try something else!

Edited by newlywed

Yes yes yes to what everyone else has said.
Don't go with a routine if it doesn't work for you - it will make you both miserable.

Like the others said try to keep him up for an hour at most at the moment. My Morgan was doing 45 min sleeps and she got worse before she got better (down to 30min sleeps). She did have reflux but she's also a terrible sleeper. Makes it hard to do the 3 hourly routine.

I've found now that if you get her down at the right time (easier said than done) then she will sleep for up to an hour most of the time but even that's not great.

With regards to top ups his weight gain would make me think he doesn't need them. But if you are going to do that make sure that you use your own expressed milk and express after the feed to match it. Otherwise like others have said it is easy to get into a downward spiral and end up having your supply drop.

Morgan is now almost 5 months old. She does 1 (and very rarely 2.5) hour sleeps in the day. She goes to bed at 7:30, has 160ml ebm dream feed at 11pm and sleeps through until 5am. She has only just started doing this without also waking up at 3am.

By comparison my first daughter was doing 12 hour sleeps from 3 months and always slept for 2 hours at a time in the day.

Babies are all different. Trying to fit them into a mould is impossible.

Edited by Bobbie

Big hugs!

I had the same problems with DD, wouldn't sleep much during the day and normally not longer than 45mins. I found it impossible to stick to a clock routine and just did the loose eat, play, sleep in our own time. After I ditched the whole routine thing we were both a lot happier. The only thing i was definite about was bedtime, doing bath, feed and book, before letting her fall asleep in her cot by herself (that part took a while to master). Now she sleeps so much better during the day, anything from 45mins to 2+hrs but she did it in her own time.

She now is 4.5months old, sleeps from 7pm - 7am with a wake for a feed about 3-4am, on bad nights she wakes twice or three times but I send in hubby and he checks nappy, re settles etc. I think some babies need to learn how to sleep.

Other thing is with routines, all it takes is a growth spurt, teething, illness to throw it out of whack anyway. so don't stress! :)

he's still only little! every baby is different and the best piece of advice given to me is to listen to myself! i know my baby best after all :)

oh and try to sleep when he sleeps, really helps! we're just coming out the other end of waking 2/3 times a night for chats and cuddles!! it started to really affect me and can see why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture! once i started sleeping when she does, helped loads. also when it all gets too much, hubby looks her for the weekend, just handing her over for feeding. you'd be amazed at home much more sleep you can get when you don't have to worry about settling and changing etc!

life is better when we've had enough sleep :)

good luck! go with your gut!

also white noise! works wonders for us, worth a go!

disco:)

Re the cluster feeding, I used to sit on the couch with DD and keep offering her feeds. She would often fall asleep in my arms for a while and then feed some more until she just crashed which was usually at the same time every night, was around 10pm during the first few weeks. Then her bedtime gradually got earlier until now when she goes down between 6:30 and 7pm. Make yourself comfortable, snuggle up with him and just keep feeding him. I gave up trying to put DD to bed as she just refused it until she was fully 'tanked up'. It makes the days seem soooooo long, but hang in there. Eventually he will start going to bed earlier.

I used to get DH to get fetch me things during those cluster feeding hours.

Another thing is I know it's hard, but try to enjoy him while he's still small. They grow up so fast and even tho my little girl is only 4 months, I look back at the first few weeks and wished I had those cuddles back. She used to sleep on my shoulder on the couch which she NEVER does now. She's very fussy about where she sleeps. So as hard as it is, try and relax and enjoy the early weeks.
Hope things are getting better for you!

Shelt wrote: Also - one thing I did try which worked when my daughter constantly woke at 3.30am every morning (I think this is a Baby Whisperer thing but I can't remember) was set my alarm and wake up about 10 minutes before she would normally wake and rock/jiggle the bassinet and put the dummy back in before she woke to try and get her to stay asleep. Three nights of doing this got her over the hump of waking at that time and she slept till at least 4.30am for a while after this.

Great idea! I do this for naps during the day but hadn't thought to do it at night.   Would this be from The No-Cry Sleep Solution? As I've got the nap version and she recommends that for cat napping.

So much great advice here