relationship help??

Oh Chonni - I am muslim and so I know what male muslims can be like however where we come from Mulsims are not soooo fanatical (the best way I can put it). I know Malay ppl are a bit more in to their religion.

Now two things:

1) he should have realised that you were not a Muslim while being with you and making babies with you, you had no pre arranged agreement that you will change your religion for him so I cant see why you have to...or that be a condition of marriage. As an Example I married a very religious Hindu, and his mum wanted me to change to Hindu...I told them in heart of heart I dont believe in their religion so I do not wish to fake it and therefore wont change. I am Still a non practice Muslim and he is Hindu. He has never ever asked me to change...if he had I would have left him. Your partner needs to respect you and your thought and stop forcing things on you....if this is a condition of marriage then you should wonder how he really feels for you?? Hate to say this but reading his email he has never ever mentioned that he Loves you....you have to ask him what he really feels for you.

Secondly you have to understand that Muslim males do not consider female counterpart as Important....as in equal...well really religious muslims any ways!! And if you are getting in to a relashionship with him make sure you make him understand that you are no Muslim house wife and wont be treated like a slave or less than equal. If he cant agree then do you really want to be in a relationship with him?

As for cleaning....PLEASE tell him to get over it! You are not his mum and you are not his slave. He said he cant adjust to the way you live....HELLO was he blind folded when he got with you? he was fine then and now he isnt? Really childish and really male of him. Just tell him to F Up...he doesnt like the way you clean even tho you have a1 year old...well then he can do it himself.

The other thing is...if he doesnt do any thing now what will he do if you guys got married? sit on his ass while you looked after his kids and the house? so he basically wants his mum? well then...tell him to go find one that is a clone of his mum!

I am sorry to sound harsh hun...honestly I am on your side here and would hate to see you hurt....but I know what Muslim males can be like from specific regions. I told a friend of mine to watch out when she married a Muslim from a diff country than your partner....but she was telling us that he is not religious and he is nice etc etc...after marriage he changed and now they are divorced!

Not saying you cant be with him and that he is no good...but if he really love you and wants to make it work then he has to change for you too and not just you doing stuff for him. Realise that you are wonderful woman and a wonderful mum and that you deserve the best! And dont EVER take crap from any one! Specially him!

State your ground, tell him what you want him to do for you and ask him what he needs from you and come to an understanding and stick to it. Like Bombshell has said go councelling...I did with DH and now we are way better off.

Good Luck hun...sorry for the Novel! I guess I am a strong willed woman who hates to see men trying to treat woman like second class citizens.

As for Mila becoming a Muslim...Hmmm...Thats a hard one! When I was born (My Mum is European and was a Roman Catholic) and went back to Dad's county I was made a Muslim and was brought up like one....didnt really have a choice per say. Mum was also made a Muslim (even tho no one asked her if she wanted to or not...mind you she didnt put up a fight, she was ok with it) But Again like I said my Dad and his family is not that fanatical about the religion. I was allowed to learn how to dance, wear skirts and have never and I mean NEVER had to cover up! So there is a Difference. As for my Daughter she is not being forced to follow any thing at the mo as she is soooo young. But she does pray with her dad as he practices and I dont. So chances are she will be Hindu. I am ok with that! What Mila becomes has to be both your decision. If you want her to choose then expose her to all alternatives and wait and see what happens.

As for you telling him that you will change well....ppl change hun and you have changed your mind. If he WANTED A MUSLIM WIFE....he should have found one! and not expect some one to change for him!

As for his Mum - why do you have to please her?? does she pay for your living expenses? do you owe her any thing? then where does she get off? Yes I agree that you have to have some respect for her as the future MIL but that respect has to be earned! And nasty comments from her is going to make it that much harder for you to do so. Never ever feel that you have to impress any one specially your MIL.

In all honesty hun I feel (from what you are saying here) that he is emotionally blackmailing you to make you do things and change for him.....stop and ask yourself is that who you are? and is that what you want for you and Mila? Once you are sucked in to that world hun you will never get out! And I am saying this because I know what it can become.

I am greatful every day that even tho I am Muslim I had really relaxed family as far as the religion was concerned!

Go councelling and make sure you let him know how you are feeling......if he loves you he will except you as you are...and I dont see why that should be a problem for him!

Good luck again and really think hard and think for you and Mila!