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Forum LockedRelationship with your mum post-baby
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nikkitheknitter View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Westie
Points: 7556 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nikkitheknitter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 May 2007 at 11:52am
I'm not sure I'm closer to her, but I need her more now... or maybe not... ah I don't know.

I ask her advice for things and still seek her approval for others but appreciate space as far as making parental decisions and I couldn't handle it if she interfered in any way... but I trust her not to.

I do have a tiny hang up that I'm not yet entirely over... I feel in the early days I didn't assert myself enough, most of the things were great but I feel I started Hannah on solids a bit too early as Mum told me she was hungry. Didn't harm Han or anything, I just wish I'd been able to make the decision myself.

But overall, better relationship - maybe wouldn't be so fab if I had to see her all the time tho. Distance works well for us
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shaz View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: West Auckland
Points: 706 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shaz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 May 2007 at 1:24pm

Well I live in the same sort of set up as Bombshell but no I'm not closer to my Mum. Actually I'd say i'm more distant. MUm tends to be very negative about everything which drives me potty. When I told her I was pregnant her first reaction was "oh NO" ....so haven't really forgiven her for that. It annoys me that she can just come upstairs to our place anytime as well. We have no door just stairs seperating us so maybe it's privacy I need who knows, we weren't very close when I was young anyway as I was a Daddy's girl but some how it was me that Mum turned to after Dad past away and we ended up buying a bigger house with a granny flat for her.

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fattartsrock View Drop Down
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Points: 6441 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fattartsrock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 May 2007 at 1:48pm
I don't know about closer, but I defiately respect her more, now I know what she ha been through. I remember one cold cold night, Jacob had been vomiting, it was about 3 am, and I was just cuddling him, rocking him, and I thought, man, my mum must have done this a million times..wow! I really appriciated her then. They didn't live here when i had Jacob, so I had no family or help here, but htey moved up before Char, and its a godsend. She does tend to be negative about stuff, but I always turn her comments that are looking for me to agree with (poor woe is me the world against me) around to get her out of that rut. Her "advice', to be honest mostly just goes in one ear and out the other... Some of it is good, and others, not so much...
The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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Andie View Drop Down
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Points: 3614 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 May 2007 at 2:56pm

Nah - we're not any closer.  But we had a funny relationship to begin with, a lot of undetones and misunderstandings and over-emotional reactions from her (or the threat of them, which is why I just don't bother telling her how I real feal most of the time - it's not worth the aftermath).  She sure does visit a LOT now, which started half-way through my pregnancy and is all completely related to Ella.  I would have loved her to come and help with my house or something when I had a newborn, but she comes here to drink coffee, and talk and talk and talk.  I find it exhausting!  Though in her defence, mum doesn't give me hard-out advice on raising Ella, she leaves me to it. 

Having a baby did make me appreciate better all the work she did in raising us, though.  So I guess that's changed.  Especially since she and I both married men who ended up working instead of spending much time with their families... I look at how dad just wasn't around and think - man, she just got on with the job for well over a decade... WOW!  Doesn't make her any more sympathetic towards me though - go figure!  Issues.  I've got issues there. 

Andie
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.Mel View Drop Down
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Joined: 14 January 2007
Location: Orewa
Points: 9078 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote .Mel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 May 2007 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by nzpiper nzpiper wrote:

i'm actually getting closer with my dad! He has never been a man of emotion.


Me too!! Especially after I had Conor, he finally got his little boy...(he had my sister and I). Before Conor was born we couldn't stand each other, never talked, showed no emotion to each other. Nothing. I never imagined that we would have the kind of relationship we have now. I've discovered he's a really good man, and it took 22years to find that out!! Scary really.

As for me and mum - She was at both birth's and was a great help, not too intrusive etc... she's a great Nana to my kids. I think our relationship hasn't got any stronger because she's become a Nana...
Mr Mellow (16)
Miss Attitude (8)
Destructa Kid (3)

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