Scared about birth - even puttng ttc off!

Hi guys,

Wasnt sure where to put this so hope its in the right place.

OK heres the go, we have been married 2.5 years and DH has for some time been ready to TTC. I am clucky as hell and WAS totally ready - but there was always an excuse to put it off for a month then another month etc etc.

I know what the reason is that I keep putting it off - is that I am PETRIFIED about labour, absolutly scared sensless.

I dont know why this has all of a sudden started bothering me SO much, enough to put off my dream of having children young.

I am normally good with pain, even though overweight (but doing well at losing it), I am very fit so people reasure me telling me that the fitter you are the better etc - but I just cant see past this extreme fear that I have of labour.

Thing is - I dont know what it is about labour that scares the living daylight out of me so I cant even really pin point the problem.

Anyone please got any advice for me before I go even more nuts

Thanks for your reply.

Even when I think of the Epi going into me I just about pass out!

I dont know whats happening to me and why Im so freaked!

I need to get over it pretty damn smart - but this crazy fear is so hard to push

Maybe that is a good idea watching some birth videos!

Pretty sad really that its putting me off TTC!

Maybe you need to write a list or something to try and figure out what exactly puts you off..

Labour scared me but I want to go back for more. Just think it can't be THAT bad since people go back to have more than 1 child.

I used to faint with period pain, so I was a little apprehensive about how I would cope with labour. I have to say it was one of the most incredible experiences, and while I delivered an almost 9lb baby, I'm not sure I would call any of the birth "painful" as such.

I highly recommend doing pregnancy yoga classes and getting your DH to do acupressure during the labour. Gas is awesome!

I also wonder if you should look into getting some counselling to deal with your fear - it sounds like you are unusually afraid of something that is a normal and amazing everyday occurance.

All the best

I was the same, absolutley petrified about the labour and birth part. I actually refused to think about it for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy as i was so terrified about the whole thing! I didn't even read the end of my pregnancy books because I didn't want to know!

I guess the thing is once you get to 40 weeks pregnant you really do want that baby out.
And yeah it hurts (lets not kid ourselves) but it wasn't bad enough to put me off the idea of having more. In fact for me it was no where near as bad as I had led myself to believe it was going to be

I have a really good friend that was a god send when I was in labour. She is so positive about the whole thing and when I rung her she was so excited and jumping up and down because I was going to meet my baby soon. It totally changed my attitude about labour and made me feel excited too.

Now that I have been through it, I don't really know what i was so afraid of. It was the most empowering experience and I am so proud and pleased that I got to do it. Plus I have a beautiful daughter to look at everyday and remind me what it was all for.

Maybe read the labour stories thread (wherever that is on here). It's got awesome stories on it. Good and bad. A real mixture of everything which could help you see its not all horror

I was so PUT OFF after having my first one it took 7 years to even consider going thru it again....I SAID never again so many times and I have gone on to have another two boys...THIS TIME IT WILL BE NEVER AGAIN! But for more than just the birth reason!! LOL

I talked myself out of the epi with these last two and relied soley on GAS....That whole EPI thing gives me the Heebie jeebies...

I totally understand how you feel and the only consolation I can offer is it is such a short amount of time and is over and done with pretty quickly all in all! And if you are in pain and cant cope there are ways to deal with it and YES so many people have done it and go back for more!!!


Bite the bullet ...then you have no choice!! he he he

I was soo scared of labour ... I just blocked that part out until I went into labour

And Im not going to be much help because the first thing I said after the birthing process was bloody hell im never doing that again!

However ... Im keen as to do it all again, even though Im more scared about the birthing process than I was the first time

(I do a good think only happy thoughts)

I was absolutely petrified of going through labour and everything medical that came along with it. I'd never even had blood taken before I got pregnant. In saying that I really enjoyed being pregnant and when I went 10 days overdue I was quite happy as I really didn't want to go through the labour. I think I was my own worst enemy and fought the labour and ended up with gas, pethidene, epidural, forceps and episiotomy (sorry not trying to scare you). I swore I'd never do it again but after a couple of years got the yearning for another one.

I decided that I knew what I didn't want to happen again so set about finding a great midwife and changed my whole mindset. I had a similar lengthy second labour but kept active during it and let myself go and took one contraction at a time. I delievered him within an hour of arriving at the hospital totally naturally - WOW I couldn't believe I'd done it and such an empowering feeling knowing that your body will do exactly what it's designed for. Even had a few stitches from a tear but don't remember having them put in.

With my last baby I decided that I wanted a homebirth (more because I'd roomed with really young teenage mums who continually had their mates visiting and wanted privacy this time). Again I found a fantastic homebirth midwife who didn't feel the need to intervene AT ALL (obviously I didn't need it) and I didn't even have an internal exam in labour as she trusted my body to do what it should. That was an even more incredible experience to completely trust in yourself and your body!!!!

So the best advice I can give you is to relax (easier said than done I know) and trust in your body and the professionals around you. And even if you don't have an ideal experience it's only a tiny part of the journey to becoming a mum.

I'm terrified of flying and I keep telling myself every time I have to fly "if I can give birth I can fly for an hour".

I'm the biggest sooky bubba in the world so if I can do it three times anyone can. Now I just have to find a way to cope with my flying paranoia!

I didn't really think too much about it (pregnant and in denial that bubs will have to come out somehow ), but in the last couple of weeks I read a book that helped me a lot. It talked about the pain being 'healthy' pain as opposed to 'sick' pain - the difference between the aches you feel a day or so after a big gym workout and the ache of a bad cut or bruise. It just made me look at it differently IYKWIM.

I agree with others that reading about people's experiences will help too.