Seperation Anxiety

At the moment Oli is suffering from chronic seperation anxiety and we just dont know what to do.

He is fine during the day because he is with me all the time, and happily follows me around the house etc. But as soon as I try to put him down to bed (day and night) he kicks off and screams and screams, he arches his back, grabs onto my clothes and wont let go, and screams "Mama Mama Mama Mama". Its breaking my heart. He does this during the night too when he wakes. We have tried to do the Controlled Crying / CIO thing - were we go in and tell him "Its okay we are here" and then leave, but it just makes him worse.

I finally got him down for a nap this morning (as he was indicating he was knackered), but it took a  lot of will power on my part to just let him have a cry and then calm down. I think it took about 40mins before he actually went to sleep.

Its not just when I am trying to put him to bed that this happens, it happens when I try to go the toilet if we are at someone elses house (I cant leave the door open like at home for him to see me!), or if I am walking around the car to the boot....basically if he cant see me he kicks off. BUT if he is sitting playing in the lounge and I am in the kitchen then he is fine - but then I guess its "his" domain, so he is happy.

I dunno - any ideas. Its breaking my heart and its pretty exhausting.

(Oh and he is the same with DH - especially with the bed thing).

 

Issy is going through the whole seperation thing (although not as badly it seems, as she will mostly go to bed ok).

However when she is being a madam .. we sit in the rocking chair next to her cot and "sleep" eg we shut eyes and breathe slowly .. and this seems to keep her happy enough to go to sleep herself.

it will pass, honestly!! Its such a hard stage and really exhausting, both of my boys have done this and Drew is starting it now too if he cant see me he starts to whinge and whine.  The bedtime thing must be frustrating though!!  Id probably do what ginger suggested and keep going in to him but not picking him up out of bed, or what worked for Leo was just sitting on the floor next to him til he started to drift off, just that reassurance that you are there.  Good luck, hope this stage passes soon for Oli (and mummy!!)

We're getting it here also. I have little miss hanging off my leg all day long. When I do have to go to the toilet or into the car boot like you said I make it into a game of peek-a-boo so that she's sitting there waiting for me to come back.

No suggestions for the night-time thing though. We've had nights recently of being up for 2-3.5 hrs with Livvy not wanting us out of her sight, but if we sit next to the cot she wants to interact with us so we can't win either way. My thinking is that it's just something we'll have to wait out. Big hugs in the meantime though

Kiwimummy, so how long did the boys do it for before they stopped? Looking for a bit of hope here

My 2 hit this phase in full force, Brae is/was the worst

Keep in mind the healthy attachment your wee one has developed with you. Eventually, your child will be able to remember that you will return. Making depatures easier by developing a leaving ritual with a loving, firm goodbye & reasureace that you will be back.
Practice being apart and introduce new people & places gradually

Its only temporary, and it will pass. If your child has never been cared for by anyone else, is naturally shy or has other stresses, it may be worse than it is for other kids.
If intense separation anxiety lasts into preschool, school, or beyond and interferes with your daily activities, see your doc. It could be a sign of a rare but more serious condition known as separation anxiety disorder.

No ideas with the sleep, im still a walking zombie