thoughts please

caitlynsmygirl wrote: Liz sings, I dance and light candles, we make a great team ..... I try (at times ) to divert the drama, I do my best, this is because I have two mottos in life 1) arguing on the internet makes you look at stupid as people racing on chairs . and 2 ) there is no excuse for a monobrow

LMFAO!!!! so random!!!! i absolutely love your second motto!!!

nutty wrote: Is the person who started this thread serious? Im amazed at the audacity to ask for peoples opinions then have a temper tantrum because people dont agree with you. I was told to come to the forum as we have just found out we are having our first child and that this was a supportive environment, and although I have seen many people come into this topic to stand up for the one person you have singled out, this is not what I would have expected after being told that this was the place to be to share your pregnancy with other mums to be! Hopefully you were just having a very bad day as I am definately having second thoughts about joining this forum now

Don't worry, ohbaby is a wonderful supportive place and honestly I learn SO much from here and get a lot of support as well (as you can see by my number of posts! lol). There is only very occasional 'bad days' like this one - just like in real life I guess.... but these are few and far between.

Congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to ohbaby!

so what have you got for us Liz? Kelly says she needs something to dance her belly around to

JD wrote: I think that SMoody has a really good point. If you had adopted the child or the childs bio parent isn't on the scene anymore...then it might make a difference to the decision. Both my DH and i came into our relationship with a child each and have had another one together. There is absolutely different dinamics with the children, and every situation is different. I can see how jjands was offended by lilfatty's comments. It is a very sensitive situation to be in, and I think that it would have been easy for someone in that situation to take the opinion of someone who is not, the wrong way....if that makes sense I don't want to offend lilfatty as I appreciate that she gave her honest opinion on the matter which is what was asked. However, I did find this comment from her rather offensive myself Its so sad that in this day in age with blended families there are still "his" children and "our" children Im sorry lilfatty, but I don't think you qualify to make a statement like this when you are not trying to coordinate a blended family yourself Anyway, back to the original question...I think you will know in your heart jjands what is the best option for you and your family. Wills can be changed as your relationships change with your step-children.. Its not an easy thing to be raising children from your partners "past". Good on you for that.

I agree with absolutely everything you said, JD and I was offended by that comment too, but realise it was probably made from a perspective of someone who isn't step parenting and probably wasn't meant to offend, IYGWIM, hence my not brady bunch comment.
Being a step parent, you really do internally fight with yourself all the time for not feeling "that" way about children that aren't yours, but that is normal and natural, however, we "steps" rarely are candid about it (unless to others in a similar postiotion) cos those who aren't step parents get awfully high up on their horses about it...
And being a step child is very different to beign a step parent, too.
IYou will know in your heart what is the right thing to do, and hugs to all who have been in this situation, if being a mother is the hardest job in the world, being a step mother is up there as well.

sounds like it wouldv been a bit weird/hard for Cs step mum to have seen her partners new baby being born and it not been hers (if that makes any sense).

slightly different situation here but i know my mum found it super hard looking after my dads son , the difference was that he was the product of the affair my father had with our 17yr old babysitter!!! ...

I think that your should follow your heart. The inheritance thing does make it a bit trickier. Members of the family are suppose to be equals, and so all 3 of the children should get their fair share. I would most probably take into account the amount of inheritance the two older children will get and factor that into the amount the younger (unborn child at the mo) would get.

I come from a kinda blended family, I have 3 older half sisters and an older half brother. But there is not one hint of his/her children. We've always considered ourselves full brothers and sisters (we have a younger sister and brother as well). So find it kinda weird that some couples still have that his/her children mentality.

BaileyandAstin wrote: sounds like it wouldv been a bit weird/hard for Cs step mum to have seen her partners new baby being born and it not been hers (if that makes any sense). slightly different situation here but i know my mum found it super hard looking after my dads son , the difference was that he was the product of the affair my father had with our 17yr old babysitter!!! ...

Golly !!!

Hello girls - I really don't know any of you, and I don't really want to get involved... but having read from the beginning to the end I did want to say a couple of things.

I actually can see the point of view from both sides. It is actually difficult sharing something personal from your life, and yes you do want other's opinions - but you want them given in a respectful and supportive manner. I have been on another forum where I have expressed my own feelings about something and found people quick to judge when giving their opinion, which I've found difficult, and it stopped me from sharing actually.

I think when people share something personal from their lives, to realise they are looking for other's opinions, but also when giving it, to do so respectfully and without leaping to judgments about that person so that this forum/these threads remain a safe place to share things. We need to remember that when people share, they are just giving a snippet of the situation and we don't really know the full story or what it's like in their shoes, so we should not assume bad things about that person even if it does hit a raw nerve to do with our own situation.

So I actually can see why there was such a strong reaction back at lil since some of her comments could have been seen to be a personal attack.

On the other hand, the personal attacks made on lil were harsh and hurtful. It would be nice if both parties could see the other's point of view and apologize to one another. We are all capable of saying the wrong thing and hurting others with our words (especially when a topic hits a raw nerve or we get angry) but we need to take responsibility for that and put ourselves in the other person's shoes.

I don't spend a lot of time in other threads so I can't speak for everyone, but I will say that all the girls in the November forum are nothing but supportive, and in that sense it is a really safe place to share things - though the topics are largely consoling with one another's m/s    I'm very grateful to have other pregnant women to talk to going thru a lot of the same issues as me.

Thanks for hearing my 2c (she says in fear and trepidation of being pulled apart!! ) I hope things can be resolved between these two and the forums return to being a little more supportive of one another as they usually are. Now - back to my lovely little November haven...

Great comments Newlywed!

newlywed, well said, and your welcome to dance around with me as well , thats a fun way to get involved ....

Out side of November thread , we are nice , well , I am anyway (kidding , so is everyone else ) do feel free to join us out here a lot