Visitors after bubs arrives

Hi all,
We are having a few "issues" with people already asking us when they can come and see bubs (I'm not due for another 4 weeks!)

At first we wanted to lock ourselves away at a birthing centre and then have visitors when we were ready to see people at home. As advised by Antenatal Tutor & Midwife! Long story short - birthing centre didn't work out so we'll be coming home after we get kicked out of hospital (approx 48hrs).

We now appreciate that we can't hide bubs away from grandparents and immediate family. So we were thinking of saying to them to come visit in hospital then leave us alone for a week at home so that all 3 of us can get used to each other.

We now have DH's mum telling us we are being selfish as all of the aunties and uncles and cousins will want to see baby too! Now bear in mind we only ever see these people once a year at the family xmas do and we haven't had so much as a congrats from any of them since we got preggy! Why should we have to change our wishes to suit these people!??! *meh*
But in saying that... We don't want to upset anybody either by saying stay away!

Any suggestions before I tear all of my hair out? lol

ahhhh!!! its a really hard one- well it shouldnt be but people make it hard. when i had my first, before i even had her i felt like i didnt want people to randomly come and visit, as i didnt know how i'd be feeling etc....
anyway, after i had my baby i had a PPH and it took everything out of me. i was drained physically and emotionally, i told my mum not to let anyone come to hospital until i was ready and "invited" people to... anyway later in the day after my baby was born, and while visiting hours were CLOSED (i might add!) i was having soo much trouble with the breast feeding and recovering from the blood loss..... i had a nurse with me and an aunty and some others arrived! i was so annoyed, she poked her head in and i really wanted to be alone! it was frustrating as she knew it was against my wishes to have any guests! they have the no visiting times for a reason and it just got me so angry!!!

anyway... i think you can put all the stops in so that people are aware that you dont want them to just arrive without being invited, but there are a few people out there who dont have the respect to acknowledge it.....

Honestly Toni, you should tell every one what is your wish and ask them to respect it. Tell them that they will be able to see your bub in two weeks (or so) and that you need to take this time and get to know the bub (as well as bub gets to know you). Make sure your DH is on your side! The prob was that my DH is the oldest in the family and Zaara is the first Grandchild....makes a bit difficult!! Oh well Good luck to you hun!

oh and if all else fails...you can always come on here and vent! We are here for you! LOL

Edited by Roksana

I would say put your foot down and remind them it's YOUR baby.

I know they are a bit stubborn, but I know you can trump them on this one hun ! If barring visitors altogether for the first couple of weeks doesn't work, do it as if you were in a hospital or birthing centre and set a fixed time that people can visit during (say between 2pm and 6pm, not before or after).

I realise with your mum it will be a bit different if their house isn't ready, and I don't know what to suggest to help you cope with that hun - sorry !

To be honest, your MIL needs a reality check - I really don't understand exactly what it is that motivates some of these women to be total nightmares when there is a new baby on the way, and create all this extra, unnecessary and unwanted stress - ESPECIALLY since they have had children of their own !

I am full prepared to growl at anyone that just barges in, or overstays their welcome while we are at Birthcare - other than that I am not too worried about having an oversupply of visitors. I mean, there are plenty of friends and family around for support, but they are mostly level-headed sorts who have been asking if it's OK first and being respectful of the fact we might want our space to bond with bub for the first while. Mind you, my MIL is overseas which makes it a bit hard :P Heh.

Anyway, novel over - sorry Toni !

LOL oh I will Roksana, I promise

DH is probably more upset about it than me (I'm trying to remain stress free, but can feel my BP rising!) as it is HIS extended family causing the probs for us!
I don't want him to have to shoulder all of this on his own though - poor love

Lunch break over - thanks for your kind words ladies *blows kisses*

I'd just tell them all to bite me. My Dad's family showed up at the hospital the day after Maya was born at varying intervals throughout the day. I hadn't seen any of them while I was pregnant and have seen them probably 5 times since. So they will definitely not be welcome when I have the twins.

Mum's family are a different story, they actually CARE about me and the kids, but Dad's family were jus nosy to see what Maya looked like, and I'm buggered if I'll let my babies be used as a family freak show.

LOL, don't mind me, just hae very strong feelings on teh subject..

I have never ever liked people "just turning up", and made it abundantly clear to those who didn't know me so well (Rods friends/family)well before baby, so I never had that problem. However, I did find that people would ring early in the morning (after I had sneaked back into bed) so I would unplug the phone...
Our maternity ward has very strict visiting hours and a great gaurd dog on the desk who will not let ANYONE down to see you outside these hours unless you have asked her to. They also provided a sign for your door that said something along the lines of We need to rest to look our best, please call again later, Mum and Baby sleeping. I used these a bit. I also played possum a couple of times I was real tired and someone ignored the sign and stuck their head round the door... I was tempted to take one of those signs home, but turned out I didn't need it.
Novel over. Good Luck! (P.S you will become less worried aobut the house work, I promise!)

Our first weekend home was a nightmare, we had visitor after visitor all day sat and sun. And then by the end of it we were all so frazzled, Quinn wouldn't sleep and I was in tears. And I stil felt obliged to welcome every visitor with open arms.

This time round I am considering having something like visiting hours, or I really like the idea of Debs email. And my phone will be off as much as needed!!

That's where having "visiting hours" comes in, or a time limit on how long people can stay.

my thoughts on this is that i would rather have the visitors at hospital ( where i dont have to get out of bed to entertain them, and it is regulated, and someone else is cooking) and get them all out of the way, before we get home from hosp. Then i would hope that we would have a lull in visitors...... and def will have a sign on the door ( as i did with xanthe) saying we are sleeping, come back later. Just make sure you lock the door - i had an auntie come in one day, when i was pretending to be asleep. oops!