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Charlie09 
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Joined: 28 December 2009
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 Topic: What would you do?
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:48pm |
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DP has been texting a old girlfriend asking her if she wants to meet up and will you can guess the rest
this isnt the first time he has done something like this. he told me it was only texts they havent seen each other in ages and that they arent actually going to meet up. to be honest i believe him as he doesnt really have the balls to do it (sorry im angry and cant think of a nicer way to put it) i have kicked him out for tonight but would should i do?
i really do love him but dont feel that he respects me because if he did he would not do things like this
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TheKelly
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Joined: 30 March 2010
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:55pm |
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I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to offer,,,,just wanted to send hugs your way .
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freckle
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:58pm |
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I'm not very forgiving, and if I caught DF doing anything like that, esp if he'd done it before, I would be leaving him... I don't wanna live always worrying what he's doing and I think if I caught him making such plans I would have trouble trusting again... some people can forgive and move on though and good on them...
Also, if he has the balls to make the plans surely he has to balls to meet her?
Hugs!! it's an awful situation to be in!!
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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Charlie09
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:59pm |
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thanks kelly. BTW this is a second login for me so im actually a regular OB user
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Nothing
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Location: Nelson
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:08pm |
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I wouldnt be with him, even if they are 'just friends' obviously something is going on at a deeper level, and it could lead to bad times.
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:20pm |
If he has no intention of following through then why is he doing it? If you can't trust him and don't feel respected by him then what is your relationship built on?
I would suggest that he's allowed back on the condition that you and he go to couples counselling together to talk through these issues and the other issues you have (just guessing here, I can't imagine he'd be texting an ex and suggesting a meeting if everything is rosy). If you then decide to go your seperate ways at least you gave it a good shot and if nothing else it'll give you an environment where you can honestly express how you feel with a mediator available to make sure it doesn't turn into a row.
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pepsi
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:35pm |
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F that S... Any honest guy wouldn't be doing that kind of shady stuff. If he has done this kind of thing before and it upset you, and he's still doing it, he'll keep doing it. If by some chance he hasn't done anything behind your back yet, he probably will given the first opportunity. So long as you keep taking him back, he'll keep pushing the boundaries as to what he can get away with..
I have been with jerks like that before...they all follow the same M.O..
Trust you instincts.
When you're with a guy you know you can totally and completely trust, there will be no niggly thoughts in your head..
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_SMS_
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:55pm |
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If that were my partner he would be out on his arse.
I know that sounds harsh, but to me thats cheating. Or he is at least thinking of cheating. So that would mean relationship over.
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mrsturtle
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:08pm |
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hmmm my brother has just gone thru this problem except it was his partner doing the dirty on him, once he got wind of the texts he questioned her and she assured him it was nothing and he took her word till he caught them, turns out they have been at it for 6 weeks! needless to day he left now there is a custody battle.
If it were me and as i have said to him that would be it i could never trust dh again if he did anything like that
All the very best and lots of hugs, Be strong and follow your instincts do what is best for you and i assume you have kiddie so them too!
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kellie
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:08pm |
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I wouldn't be able to trust him if he is doing stuff like that. Seems really suss to me.
Edited by kellie
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High9
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:38pm |
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Had this issue with dp recently. I said if your respected me, you wouldn't do it, regardless of it you were going to meet them or not. His reply was he does respect me and some other bullsh*t. Long story short, he still has contact with them. I trust DP, just not the person he is contacting.
I guess you just have to have a conversation with him, maybe write a letter if it's easier and really outline how it makes you feel, your fears/worries etc.
For me it was telling DP that it really crushed me/hurt me knowing he was texting other girls and asking if they wanted to meet up etc. Even though he never met up with them, I was upset that he had thought it Ok... Hope that makes sense! I told him, I would rather know about it than for him to do it behind my back.
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MrsMc
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Posted: 13 October 2010 at 10:12pm |
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hugs
its a hard one, if this is a recurring thing then something really needs to change.
Can you get some counselling or something, if it happened again I'd seriously consider kicking him out for good.
hope you can sort it out
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MyLilSquishy
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:31am |
 _SMS_ wrote:
If that were my partner he would be out on his arse.
I know that sounds harsh, but to me thats cheating. Or he is at least thinking of cheating. So that would mean relationship over.
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same here. to me emotional cheating is the same as normal cheating.
i agree with the couples counselling idea... if he doesnt respect you enough to stop texting or talk about it... then personally i dont see what your relationship is built on? (no offense but if there isnt mutual trust and respect....?)
and if you really trust someone then there should be no thoughts otherwise. and the man who is worth you trust, respect and time wouldnt be texting other girls to meet up (whether he meets them or not)
jmo.
Hope it gets sorted though  huge hugs!
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Babykatnz
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:43am |
Been there, done that with my ex hsband... only ti was emails, and they were the R18 kind too... I gave him the benefit of the doubt (more fool me) but the third time i caught him out, I was done. What made it worse was that we'd been married for all of 5 months, and had a 7 month old son together, and he passed me off (we had a joint email account that had both our names as the username) as his sister staying with him, and that OUR son, was his nephew... I think that in itself was the final straw... if he had loved me as much as he had said in those wedding vows, he wouldnt have denied who we were to him so quickly.
These days its once bitten, twice shy and I wouldnt put up with anything of that nature. I'm a much less forgiving person after what my ex did, and I know I dont HAVE to put up with it. Unfortunatly once the trust is gone, so is the majority of your relationship.
If you kick him out over this, do you want your relationship to be re-built, or would that be the end of it for good? You would need to make that quite clear, as a lot of the guys I know would take being kicked out as a licence to go do what/whoever they want...
Good luck, its a hard position to find yourself in 
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clover
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:49am |
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Wow, hugs to you.
I'd love to say he'd be out on his ass but I really don't know what I'd do. Given nothing has happened yet I suspect that I would have some serious words but would let him stay. I'd be keeping a damn good eye on him afterwards though and any evidence he'd be gone. However, if it had already happened before (as you said it has) I think I'd have to consider at least talking about a separation with him as it would be clear he is unhappy in our relationship.
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kiwi2
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 10:25am |
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Make it very clear that it is not acceptable and if it happens again then he has to go.
My DH had a girl he used to like (not even an ex or anything other than a bit of a crush) link up on FB with him. I said that is fine but if you meet in person that would be a problem. Anyway it turns out he was out with work and one work colleague got a phone call from her and put two and two together with the mutual friends on FB etc and he spoke to her on the phone. He came home and confessed straight away and that was just a friendly chat on his work colleagues phone in front of people. lol.
I think set the boundaries and if he crosses them again then he has deliberately done so and there is no mistake.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 1:03pm |
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I would be gone, I couldn't care less what his intentions were. I am worth so much more than that and will not be treated like crap. No excuses I would rather be single than with a guy who is texting other girls.
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freckle
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 1:18pm |
RachandJack wrote:
I would be gone, I couldn't care less what his intentions were. I am worth so much more than that and will not be treated like crap. No excuses I would rather be single than with a guy who is texting other girls. |
I absolutely agree!!
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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HoneybunsMa
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 2:34pm |
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I've been there and TBH he did it because he was unhappy in our relationship. It took us breaking up for a couple of months and me becoming independent and throwing the fact in his face that he could and would lose me to stop him acting a fool!
Once he realised he really couldnt live without me because I'm so great we worked on things and I told him exactly what it was that bugged me about it. Now the stupid girl texts him and I couldn't care less because she has no idea she's such a twit. She was so bloody needy and he didn't see it and he was trying to run away from me because I was needy dhead! lol I laugh about it now but it wasn't easy at the time. I guess I have also come to the conclusion of I'm too tired to fight now and if he wants to be the one to leave then so be it leave!
GBH hun work on it if you want if you don't then there's no shame in that. Being happy and having self worth is worth so much more then being treated like a doorstep and chances are you will be even ifyou don't realise it
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Chickaboo
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Posted: 14 October 2010 at 2:47pm |
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ok I am going to be straight to the point!
Any male who is texting another female asking to meet up for 'you know what' IS a dirty rotten person (trying to be poilte here) if he is already in a relationship with someone else
He has 'EVERY' intention on meeting up with her or else why (and what reason) would he do it!
Honey you are better off without him and I would NOT put up with that at all!
Infact I am surprised you are 'thinking' and beleiving that he would never do it! SO WHAT! he had enough balls to text the girl!
Might I be harsh there but its just my opinion!
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What would you do?
