I think my marrige is over

I can't believe I am actually saying this now.

Things have been a bit sh*t for a while now, we fight all the time over stupid thing, he thinks I'm too messy and he HATES my mother, and I think he is short tempered and over reacts over stupid things, like he blows his stack when he can't get in to something cos someone or something is in the way, and neither of us want to change, but both of us wants the other to. I shout and he hates it, and he makes all the decisions and I feel like all I do is amke comprimises. I am a SAHM becasue he didn't want me to go back to work, yet it gets thrown in my face all the time that its him that is keeping hte family afloat, paying for everything, etc. I whinge cos I do everything with the kids and they only want me to help them cos he dosen';t help out and when he does they just want me and he gives up and gets mad, I keep saying they only want me cos thats what they are used to.

Then 2 weeks ago his 16 yo son came to live with us permanently, and to be honest its the final straw. The kid is a law unto himself and I just get no say in any rules (and there dosen't appear to be any) yet I am expected to parent him during the day while R is at work, and cope with the mood swings and foul language and the lying on the couch all day channel surfing or staying in bloody bed till 5pm, the drinking, the not coming home on curfew, the groundingthat didn't even last 24 fricken hours. I realise I am a bit more "hard core" but I think going out is a priveldge not a right and he has to earn the right ot go out, no just go out when he pleases with no indicaiton of who and where and a whatever when there is a curfew.
R tells me I have to go easy on him cos he is "upset" and "depressed" etc, cos of hs stuation at his mothers (which was pretty bad) but I feel hwe are making excuses now and N is milking it and we need to start as we mean to go on rules wise. I feel like he is going out of his way to make N feel wanted and at home etc that he is actually pushing me (an d tehkids) out and I feel very unwelcome,a nd our relationship wasn't in good shape to start off with.
To be honest if I had the money,a ny money I would be out of here, but I just don't know where to start.
i am desperately unhappy.
Thanks for listening to my rant.

Lots of hugs as you need it right now

First off Big hugs darl

Secondly WINZ are always there to help if you are at the point where you just want to get out, I don't know what you'd be entitled to exactly but if you are looking at leaving etc maybe it'd be a good idea to go down to your local winz office and talk to a case manager there, see what they can do to help you out for the time being.... I know its not the ideal way of life, but to get you and the kids sorted it is a starting point.

Take Care x

Annie, so sorry to hear that you are going thru a hard time at the moment.

What about marriage counselling or even family counselling. Your husband needs to realise that having a teenager in the house will be a huge change for not only you but on your kids.

The teenager needs to have some life lessons on respect and the like. I think you need to sit down with your husband and go over some ground rules, tell him no more excuses, that this CHILD needs to get a grip on things and stop being a dickhead!

What about hiding the remote for the tv during the day and only bringing it out in the evening once the little ones are in bed?

What do you want to do, do you want to stay and make it work or move on with the little kids and start afresh? Before you make any of these big decisions I would consider some kind of therapy for all of you.

Could you write DH a letter outlining how you are feeling?

Take care of yourself, and I hope the decision on what to do comes to you sooner rather than later.

Annie, chick things do sound pretty awful.
I agree with Mel and Liz, if R is willing, try counselling before you make any final decisions. As Liz said, at least then, even if it doesn't work out, you'll know that you did fight for your marriage and things couldn't be resolved.
Does R know you're feeling almost ready to leave?
Big giant hugs, thinking of you Annie.

Aw Annie. xoxoxoxoxox

big hugs hun

Hey I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time :( Dumb!

I think that applying for councelling through the courts is a great idea. Even if your DH won't go for it, they will see you alone whcih can give you tools to manage things. You just get the forms fromt he courts.

in the mean time, is there any way you can start squirrelling a little money away each week? I would suggest opening an account which somewhere as the teenager sounds the sort to hunt for hidden cash and you don't want to get him finding it. Then start paying into it whatever you can - getting some off the shopping etc.

That way it can be a little emergency nest should you need to leave, or if things get better, it can be used for a second honeymoon :)

And don't worry if you are only getting the amount of a bottle of milk or whatever each week, as that is a start, every bit helps.

Just make sure that you have all communication going to an email he hasn't got access to, and if htey have to write maybe have your postal address as a friends, rather than y ours.

 Big hugs hun!!

awww hun

no advice, it's all been said.....but lots and lots of hugs for you hun!