| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
kebakat 
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Palmy North
Points: 10980
|
 Post Options
 Thanks(0)
 Quote  Reply
 Topic: Affairs
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:06pm |
|
DH and I know someone who is being naughty at the mo and I wondered whether people thought my views of the situation are what you would think as well as mine and DH's views differ somewhat.
The guy we know is having casual sex with a married woman that he works with. He knows full well that she is married. He however is single.
I think that if he had no clue she was married and they were doing this then that would be fine morally on his part however he does know she is married. So I think that he is almost as bad as she for what they are doing. She's worse as she is breaking her vows but he's almost no better knowing he shouldn't be doing what he is.
Agree or disagree?
|
 |
|
Sponsored Links
|
|
|
linda
Senior Member
Joined: 02 September 2003
Points: 1211
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:09pm |
|
I agree with you
|
Alex 6 and Harry 8
|
|
blondie
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 160
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:13pm |
|
yip Stacey I agree with you aswell, affaris hurt so many people when or if they get caught!
|
|
|
|
AngieBabe
Senior Member
Joined: 20 April 2007
Location: Christchurch
Points: 2138
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:23pm |
|
Yep, I agree with you also.
|
|
|
|
Bizzy
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 10974
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:24pm |
|
i can see his motivation...with a married women at least he knows she isnt going to want more from him.
|
|
|
|
almostthere
Senior Member
Joined: 22 November 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 386
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:27pm |
|
Yep, agreed..
|
|
|
|
CuriousG
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Raumati South
Points: 1685
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:40pm |
 Bizzy wrote:
i can see his motivation...with a married women at least he knows she isnt going to want more from him.
|
I agree with Bizzy. While affairs mostly end badly, there must be some reason why they are having one. Have you asked him?
Edited by CuriousG
|
|
|
|
jack_&_charli
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: christchurch
Points: 7155
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:42pm |
i could 'possibly' excuse it once.....but to keep going back is plain naughty! 
|
|
|
|
nikkitheknitter
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Westie
Points: 7556
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:44pm |
|
I agree completely Stacey.
|
|
fattartsrock
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 6441
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:55pm |
|
*throws cat amongst pidgeons*
Perhaps the woman and her husband have an "agreement"? A couple who are very very good friends of mine have an "arrangement", its not common knowledge, however as they are very discrete, but they have an arrangement. It does involve alot of trust and honesty, but it works for them, I guess. Not for everyone, and not something I could do.
I don't think one is worse than the other, she has at least told him she is married. I guess the only ones who know the full story is the two of them, and maybe her husband. Not my cup of tea, though, but what goes on behind closed doors...
I personally don't think I coud forgive an affair, but I don't believe I have the right to judge others as I don't know the circumstances.. I'm not saying its right, but I'm not saying its wrong either, as I dont kow the situation.
Edited by fattartsrock
|
|
The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
|
|
Parki
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Auckland
Points: 422
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:55pm |
|
I tend to think that if he is single then he isn't actually doing anything 'wrong' as such.
Its her that is risking her marriage and deceiving someone....
Just my opinion.
|
|
kebakat
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Palmy North
Points: 10980
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 1:59pm |
|
They have developed a very deep friendship and he has become very attached as has she. She's apparently told him that if she had the guts to ditch the marriage she would love to be with him. But she's also said that she won't break the marriage up
I've heard that her hubby doesn't like this guy at all and they have had fights about her coming home late from work etc so I don't think that there is a common arrangement between them.
I think it's totally screwed up
|
|
nikkitheknitter
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Westie
Points: 7556
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:00pm |
|
I wanted to add a bit more... and it's just my musings on the topic.
I think that marriage is something that only works as a concept if it is respected by everyone... both the married person and those who aren't married.
I also believe marriage is very much a choice as well as a confirmation of your love for a person... she is clearly choosing to destroy the trust and that's a lack of self control (IMO). I don't believe it is irreparable and there are lots of grey areas of course but Grrr to both parties.
Rambly ramble ramble...
|
|
Jay_R
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Onehunga, Auckland
Points: 1582
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:05pm |
|
Ah, having her cake and eating it too.
The thing that I know about affairs, is that they tend to become very intense very quickly. And that can lead to thinking that feelings are much stronger than they actually are. Given a "normal" situation, their time together would not be so emotionally and physically charged, as they would be free to spend as much time together as they wanted.
Horrible situation for all involved i'd say. I've recently helped a friend in a situation like this, and it's not nice.
|
|
Maya
Senior Member
Joined: 16 September 2003
Location: Sydney
Points: 23297
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:07pm |
I'm with you Stacey - naughty boy! Not to mention setting himself up for a fall coz affairs very seldom end well for anyone concerned 
|
 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
|
Parki
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Auckland
Points: 422
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:10pm |
|
[QUOTE=kebakat] She's apparently told him that if she had the guts to ditch the marriage she would love to be with him. But she's also said that she won't break the marriage up
QUOTE]
I think that is screwed up.
Marriage is a decision between two people. She doesn't HAVE to be in if she doesn't want to and my the sounds of that her heart isn't in it anyway.
I think it takes more guts risking a marriage and risking being caught and destroying your partners trust, respect and heart than it does to end it all together.
Once again, my opinion.....
|
|
kebakat
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Palmy North
Points: 10980
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:15pm |
Maya wrote:
I'm with you Stacey - naughty boy! Not to mention setting himself up for a fall coz affairs very seldom end well for anyone concerned |
Yup thats what I think.
joshierocks wrote:
Ah, having her cake and eating it too.. |
Well put!
|
|
almostthere
Senior Member
Joined: 22 November 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 386
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:35pm |
|
Yep, i like that cake analogy!
She's not being honest with herself not her husband nor her 'lover' if I was to pass my opinion. It may take guts to risk a marriage but it takes honesty to admit that it may be over. and being honest takes alot of energy!
|
|
|
|
mummy_becks
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 14931
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:37pm |
I have an opinion on this but I am sorry I don't want to publicly voice it. I think you know what it is Stacey.
ETA: Stacey do I know who you are talking about?? We have talked about these people before haven't we??
Edited by mummy_becks
|
|
I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
|
|
Snickerdoodle
Senior Member
Joined: 15 May 2007
Location: Sunny Tauranga
Points: 2305
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 June 2008 at 2:41pm |
On one hand, he's single and can do whatever the heck he likes.
On the other hand, she's a married woman and he shouldn't be going there.
At the end of the day, they're both grown ups and are responsible for their own choices.
Sucky situation 
I hate hearing of this kinda thing.
Kinda makes a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.
|
|
|
|
Affairs
