Never good enough?

This is a bit of a 'woe is me post'.....

At the moment I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I work part time - 30 hours a week, in a job that pays quite well for what it is, and I enjoy. I also am the one who is expected to keep the household running, with the exception of laundry and the fatter salary.

My day consists of getting Joshua up, breakfasted, sorted for daycare. Getting myself ready, getting house cleaned and out the door by 8.45am. I then work til 3, collect Joshua, look after him, cook his dinner and start our dinner. DP does bathtime the nights he's home (usually 4 out of 7 nights a week) and while he's doing that I am getting the house tidied up and grown ups dinner done. I then put Joshua to bed, finish cooking, serve up, eat then do the dishes.

I also do 90% of the housework, all the groceries and errands, and most of the worrying.

I am also very supportive of my DP while he studies, and will take on more when needed to accomodate his absences. I also am a stepmother to two other children who I love to bits, and only see on a 4 weekly basis as they live out of Auckland. I don't argue about the huge child support we pay as I feel its the right thing to do. When the kids are with us I do the lions share of the parenting, have extra work with cooking for 4, much more housework and ad hoc stuff that comes up.

And I do all of this with a smile, and with love.

But sometimes I feel so taken for granted that it breaks my heart. I haven't had a birthday present for 3 years, and mothers day has gone without a mention. I'm always being told I do things the wrong way, and that I never listen. It's hard to listen to *everything* when there is so much to hear about how crap I am.

Surely thats not how a relationship should feel? Whenever I complain or question the way I'm being treated, things I've done or not done in the past get brought up and I'm left feeling like I'm stupid for feeling upset cos I'm so totally useless and deserve the way I'm being treated.

I know I am a great mother, and my happy, healthy little boy is testament to that. I have a lot of issues due to things that have occured in my past, and I am working to overcome those as best I can.   So I can at least take pride in that part of my life.

I've let myself go lately. I've not had my hair done since last December, and I've put on weight. I feel I look crap on the outside, and its hard to see the sunny side of things.

Aaargh, sorry to all who are reading this post. I just needed to get it all out.

Big hugs... seems like you need to take some time out for yourself. easy said than done though isn't it. Maybe you need to go out for a meal with Girlfriends or a movie and just have fun.

hugs Claire. Sounds like you really need to sit down and talk to DH!   Hopefully he isn't as unreasonable as he sounds ATM. the no birthday thing sucks. I used to be all matryish about not wanting anything. then i got annoyed that I didn';t get anything. now i write a list - and a step by step - where to buy. mothers day is the same.

seriously, get Josh a babysitter and go and get your hair done, then sit at a cafe and have a coffee. I'd volunteer to babysit, but don';t live near you...

I think you need to talk to your DP but it's a hard one to broach and he's likely feeling down or exhausted too, so it may even be a matter of each doing one thing for this whole week (and something else next week, etc) that the other chooses, to show love. It could be something like, send an email/txt every day to say I love you; brush your hair before he comes home; bring flowers home (every day might be a bit much though!); tidy the *name particular room in the house* before work in the morning; etc.

Getting in a cleaner does have merit though, you guys are working very hard and sometimes you just need the breathing space - we do!

 

Oh, stink honey.  I didn't realise you were feeling so low about everything, and here I was yabbering on about nothing when we spoke.

 

I agree, you definitely need some time out and you also need to talk with DP, tell him you feel undervalued and overworked.  When you do discuss it make sure there's a rule that instances mentioned during past arguments (by either party) are not allowed to be repeated.  I read somewhere recently that the best place to discuss relationships is at a cafe or restuarant because that way it's less likely to turn into a brawl... you know how we are all on our best behaviour in public.

 

Call me if you need to talk through anything (a problem shared is a problem halved) and if I start prattling on about nothing again tell me to shut up and listen.. ok?!

 

p.s.  LOL Lizzle at the gifts, I used to write lists for DH too and will still do so if he's stuck.  He also carries around a wallet sized card with my clothing sizes.  He's really good about buying me birthday pressies but I think that's partly because he didn't buy me one our first year together (infact I paid for us to go to the movies on my birthday) and 11 years later he's still not lived it down.  In fact no-one is allowed to forget my birthday, I generally start warning people that it's coming up the day after I've celebrated the last one and on my birthday last year I texted my family to let them know I was up and they could ring me now (only because they had forgotton the year before).

 

Eta: it's only 2 months and 21 days until my next birthday... FYI

Edited by MrsMojo

BIG HUGS....horrible feeling and place to be for you....


Can you talk about it to him or does he get a bit defensive?If he does could you maybe write down some thoughts?
I think you def need a bit of you time to get yourself back on track...will maybe make you feel different about a lot of things....

I go through this now and then as I am sure many people do .....Men sometimes just dont think do they and I think us women can easily EASILY get taken for granted as we are so giving and thinking of everyone else all the time..........

I really like the cleaner idea, sounds like you totally deserve it! Might free up some time to spend with DP doing other stuff.

Oh thats' stink.

Ohhh maybe we could all have a good D&M down at The Library Cafe while the kids run riot!! I think you need a break... you need to come out and have yummy cake and coffee..and leave the housework for a day.

I hate to say it, but its a relief to know its not just us. Is that horrid?

Mel, I would LOVE to meet you for coffee and cake at The Library. Any afternoon works for us

Although, last time we went there Joshua slapped a whole heap of kids    They kept knocking over his tower.....

Can we drag pregnant Emma along too? Or are you home bound right now?