point of view!

Didn't want to read and run, but will ponder and come back with thoughts.

As a now grown up daughter I can say that a lot of what my parents did/said had a big impact. Probably more so now that DH and I are wanting to become parents. I'm reminded of all the things my mum did with me and my brother and how terrible we were at times.

I do think though and this is from observation and advice from others, kids need boundaries and security - it seems the kids that get all the freedom in the world are the ones that go off the rails.

As for hugging Nana and saying bye, I was always taught to respect my elders especially grand parents, I once called my Nana silly and was made to go and apologise to her, I felt terrible.

I like to think I'd find a balance to parenting, I want my children to feel free to follow their dreams and be themselves, learn to think for themselves and also look after themselves.

Great topic Bizzy - not what I thought it would be about BTW

Hmmmm

Issy is a totally cruisy sociable little girl who will give just about anybody a huge hug and make herself at home on their lap and SD and I are quite protective as parents.

I recall being quite "ashamed" at one of the ob meetups as Isabelle went around the huge group, helping herself to whichever Mummy she decided she wanted and eating everybodies lunch, until mrsmojo pointed out that its a good thing that Isabelle thinks that everybody in the world loves her.

However, im not sure if her attitude to the world is a nature or nuture type scenario as my brother and I were brought up in exactly the same way, but are completely different people (although we both cant stand mess .. and we definately learnt that from mum lol)

I do think kids seem to grow up a lot faster these days, and there is more expectations of them.

My 12 year old niece is wanting to do things that I didn't even know about until I was well into my teens. A lot of it is peer pressure, also with tween girls there is a whole industry aimed at them, and I do feel for parents competing with multi-millon dollar marketing budgets.

Bizzy wrote: What do they think when we say "tidy up your room!"

That you are being a bossy mum!

At least that's what I used to think and I never tidied my room and I'm still a clutter-bug.

mrsg1 wrote: it seems the kids that get all the freedom in the world are the ones that go off the rails.

I completely disagree with that, as I was given all the freedom in the world, as were my brothers and yes my brothers pushed the boundaries but they by no means went off the rails. When I say we had all the freedom in the world we knew we had limits these were not necessarily spoken but you knew they were there. We had no curfew, my parents figured that we could get up to as much trouble before 10pm as we could after etc.

Mum learnt through having 3boys that she couldn't molly coddle us and had to let the housework go as well they ripped the house apart.

My DP who was brought up in a strict island christian household went more off the rails then I did as by the age of 13 he was already sexually active and into class a drugs etc so as I said I completely disagree with just that one portion of your statement speaking from my personal experience.

Jake has to go to bed when I tell him and when I ask him to do something he has to obey, he has to use his manners and be polite. These are basic skills he'll need thorugh his life - respect for authority and respect for other people. Other than that though he can do what he wants. If its raining and he wants to go outside he just has to wear boots and a jacket, playing in the rain is fun and I can always chuck him in the shower. If hes playing with another kid and they do something like pull his hair then unless he gets upset and comes to me I figure he can handle it amd I don't interfere.

My parents were great but my mum was definitely a hover-er. She still is, she treats me like I still answer to her even though I've been out of her house for 6 years now. Its always been really annoying and I've struggled with feeling that I have no say and that she obviously thinks I'm incapable since shes always questioning, watching and advising my dad on the other hand expected me to do what was required i.e chores, respect, etc, then let me go as I pleased. I'm now more in tune with my dad because I feel he respects my individuality and believes that I'm capable of dealing with things. I love both my parents of course!!

I want Jake to know that while I'm always here if he needs me I also believe that he can cope, problem-solve, decide, etc for himself. Obviously he doesn't have many choices now but I treat him like an individual who knows what he wants and even when I can't give it to him I try to respect his feelings.

I don't know if thats entirely in line with the original point of the posts but its just what I've been pondering over the last little while

Babe wrote: Jake has to go to bed when I tell him and when I ask him to do something he has to obey, he has to use his manners and be polite. These are basic skills he'll need thorugh his life - respect for authority and respect for other people. Other than that though he can do what he wants. If its raining and he wants to go outside he just has to wear boots and a jacket, playing in the rain is fun and I can always chuck him in the shower. If hes playing with another kid and they do something like pull his hair then unless he gets upset and comes to me I figure he can handle it amd I don't interfere. I want Jake to know that while I'm always here if he needs me I also believe that he can cope, problem-solve, decide, etc for himself. Obviously he doesn't have many choices now but I treat him like an individual who knows what he wants and even when I can't give it to him I try to respect his feelings.

This is very much how I feel about the whole parenting thing Babe, you put it into words so well!! I also think the whole nauture/nurture thing is so interesting, we have parented all our 3 the same way and they are all so different!  Mr 8 is very outgoing and confident and makes himself at home in any situation.  My 3 year old is quite standoffish and reserved and likes to check things out and then will join in if he feels like it.  And the baby is just a cruiser lol!  The 8 year old has started with the whole "its not fair" and "you are being mean" kind of stuff, however he needs to learn that sometimes you have to do things in life you dont really want to do (eg:homework!!) and I would rather he learned that now than to go into adulthood thinking he can do whatever he likes and have no consequences, cause we all know life doesnt work like that!!

 

Interesting topic Bizzy!

Hmmm, I have lots to say on this topic and it will probably all come out in a big rambly mess im afraid !

-One thing ive always tried to do with Caitlyn (and any child ) is put myself in her shoes, when I don't understand why shes upset or scared of something I try to remember what it was like to be that age and unsure of my place in the world .

-She is expected to listen to us , but at the same time , we are to show her the same courtesy , same with apologising, I would never expect her to apologise to me, without doing it myself to her .
She has a nighttime routine, and she doesn't get to change that (tho of course at times she tries )
and I will not put up with attitude, if she gets cheeky or her tone is a bit undesirable, I merely tell her to watch her attitude .

- She has always been a friendly delightful child, but it started to get a bit worrying , her going up to random men and hugging them , she now knows that you have to give people space, especially ones you don't know from a bar of soap .

-I don't make her hug or kiss her elders , tho I do teach her to respect them , when shes older i'll teach her that respect also , has to be earnt
(incidentally , I would move heaven and earth for one last hug with my grandma )
And that while their ways are different , we can learn a lot from them

- I want her to learn that its ok to make mistakes , that its ok to fail at times , its all part of life and learning

- Ive learnt as well , that no matter how much you try to protect them , some things are just beyond your control , and if you live their whole life hoping nothing will ever happen to them,you'll waste a lot of time that could be spent having fun with them , and they will miss out as well .

And on top of everything , I try to teach that love, is the most important thing , and material things don't matter .
...actually , i wrote a poem when she was a new born about that for her

I have a slightly different question to the OP.

Do you/will you parent your daughters differently from your sons?

(edited cause that made no sense at all)

Edited by mrsg1